GonnaGoBlind, that's pretty much my answer to Strong&Alive too. It seems like a lot to give up just to have sex, there are just so many unecessary complications involved. It makes it seem so much simpler to hook up with a woman who is in a similar situation and have a "friends with benefits" relationship, assuming I could make everyone happy with the arrangement!
Strong&Alive, yeah I have 4 kids in their teens and early 20's. Yeah, I'm in my 50's.
No, I'm not content to just leave the engine in the garage. I wouldn't be posting here if was content. And I have told my wife I'd like to meet my needs elsewhere. But good post, Strong&Alive. The process takes time, and I'm not sitting still. But I also don't want to make the bigger moves until I really feel I've tried all the other remedies first and given them enough time.
But a little as to why I've perhaps waited longer to solve this problem than others might have... I think I fall into a slighly less common category of men who've had so little partnered sex, let alone fully mutually participating sex, that I've compensated by developing my sexuality more inward to fantasy and self-satisfaction, and I've also developed a freer feeling about expressing my sexuality in limited ways outside my marriage. And it's also a case of not really knowing what I'm missing as far as a deep and passionate emotional/sexual relationship. Only in recent years have I become aware that there are far more women who are just as much into sex as I am. I thought women like that were rare exceptions. I bought into the premise of all the late-night jokes, that the great majority of women just "put up with sex" with their husbands. And the joke that for a particular ethnic group, foreplay consists of "begging". I figured, why would that be funny if it didn't have a grain of truth? My wife even bought into it and figured she was also pretty much "normal" in not being interested in sex.
I'm probably influence by my personal experience in being a bit cynical about leaving my marriage and entering a new relationship, or marriage, "just" to solve the sex problem, when I hear that many women who have a high sex drive can experience huge changes with perimenopause, or a host of other reasons. It just seems that women's sex drives are very fickle -- fickle in the short term based on daily events, stress, etc., and in the long term based on hormones, menopause, etc. So I just get this image that it's not unlikely that after all the trouble of making huge life changes, I'll be right back in the situation with a women who loses her sex drive all over again. And if that's even just somewhat likely, I think I'll just stick with my first wife and get a little on the side instead. At least the sex you have on the side doesn't result from begging. At least that's the way I feel about the situation sometimes, and you can't say I'm totally wrong. My wife and I knew another couple who we were very good friends with -- had lots of couples (the 4 of us) outings. We recently saw their marriage go up in smoke for exactly the same reason you're suggesting I smoke my marriage. It was the second marriage for both of them.
Oh, I'm sure I'm missing out on a lot of good sex. At least I know I don't know what I'm missing!
What ethnic group considers begging to be foreplay? I'm sure there are different versions of it in different countries, etc.! But the last time I heard the joke, begging was the Jewish version of foreplay. And the Italian version of foreplay was the man pointing to the woman, snapping his fingers, and pointing to the bed. The joke included several other groups, but I forgot the punchlines.
Also, different cultures may have different protocols for getting into the sack. Knowing this may give you different protocols to try with your own wife.
I'm just working from my joke memory. I'm sure you could find it with Google or Bing or something.
By the way, was just skimming through Dr. Oz which just got recorded from this morning on my DVR. They had a segment on women over 35 and their sex drives. "Their libidos are disappearing at an absolutely alarming rate", exact words from Dr. Oz. One-third of all women 30-50 "have little to no interest in sex". "Women are complex...." "but with the right tools, there's no reason they can't get their libido back". They list all the usual things discussed on this board and elsewhere.
Dr. Oz also mentioned that married women in this age range on average have higher libidos than single women. The reason is married women are less stressed than single women in this age group.
My ex-wife who is 41, says her sex drive is higher than ever. She says I missed the benefits, and back in the day sh ewas a good wife. I could get it just about whenever I wanted, unless she REALLY was sick and even then she would give me a 2 minute scrap.
My current wife did the same thing for me up until she cheated on me.
I'd be cautious about "Dr. Oz." He has a history of giving a coat of legitimacy to some really wild woo-woo stuff . . . not to be trusted with anything important, in my opinion.
Yeah, luvless, I'm not surprised. It's funny how the experience with my wife has affected how I see women. For a woman to be sexually attractive I need to feel she has an erotic mind and libido. I can look at a physically perfect woman and imagine that she's got no libido, and the thought just drains the sexual attractiveness right out of her. I could still see her as a nice person and good friend, but she might as well be my sister or mother.
