Here's what I think SSM. After having read more of your posts, your desire SEEMS insatiable because you have been staring at "red velvet cake" (my term for untouchable partner) forEVER and been told "can't touch, can't eat" (excuse please) even when it is looking extra fluffy and enticing. Day in. Day out. Longing, desiring, wanting.
You have NEVER seen a woman have an orgasm?
IF you had a partner who had a healthy sexual appetite and you could "feast on red velvet cake" to your heart's content, eventually, EVENTUALLY, you would get stuffed and sated and want it a bit less. A bit.
Of course you feel like you could have it every minute of every day! You have had a hunger and a longing that, let's be honest, is NEVER going to be satisfied in this relationship. Even Michelle WD says not all relationships are fixable.
I think it is fair to say you will easily find a woman who wants it a lot but maybe never find the one who wants it as often.
Also, I have been helped tremendously by a book that is not about sex. I realized much of my intense longing, both sexual and emotional, was for something NO human being could give. I was seeking my spirit which I had lost for a long time. I started pursuing that more and my anxiety over relationship eased. We are now in a better spot. Not perfect. I will always have a greater sex drive. But it is better...
Perhaps you're right, my desire might drop a bit. On the other hand, it sometimes seems that more frequent sexual activity just "revs up" the desire level higher.
When we did have sex, I was sometimes able to convince her to have sex twice within the hour or so. But she always refused an offer for a 3rd time in a day.
And, no, I have never seen a woman have an orgasm in real life. Looking forward to it, though! I'm one of the few guys who can say with absolute certainty that NO WOMAN EVER FAKED AN ORGASM WITH ME! Ha ha.
...Also, I have been helped tremendously by a book that is not about sex. I realized much of my intense longing, both sexual and emotional, was for something NO human being could give. I was seeking my spirit which I had lost for a long time. I started pursuing that more and my anxiety over relationship eased. We are now in a better spot. Not perfect. I will always have a greater sex drive. But it is better
OK, inquiring minds want to know.
What is the book that helped you understand your intense longings and helped you find your spirit?
Thanks
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
I appreciate hearing anything that contradicts my real-world observations (that is, what I experience, see, and hear directly, not from a book or newspaper) that after multiple kids and menopause, few women are seriously interested in sex. And even those don't want it very often.
I have to tell you, ssmguy, I am at that age and know a lot of women--and I am never shy about talking about sex. And I would say most are very interested--and it is the guys that slow down on them, not the other way around!
My mother is/was very HD--she has just about given up. She is almost 70 and is still very, very active and very beautiful--no one thinks she is that age! She doesn't want a 40 year old at her age, and, well, let's face it--most of the guys are dropping off at a pretty good pace in her age range. Lots of health problems, etc.
She doesn't want just a quickie (neither do I) so she hasn't had sex in a number of years.
I am very much concerned for myself being 47 and wondering if I have any hope (my H filed for D so I will get the chance soon to try for a good sex life). Even in this age range, I notice the guys are getting creaky.lol.
My one girlfriend (my age) has a 20 year old--that may be the route I have to take!lol.
LauraOh, your mom sounds great! Wish she were in my neighborhood. I'm about 10 years younger than your mother -- I could be her young stud! And what do you mean she doesn't want just a quickie? She wants a long-term relationship, or sex that lasts a long time?
Our comments illustrate the general problem many of us face. As we age, loss of libido (for whatever reasons) does not affect us all evenly. Yes, a lot of guys slow down, but not all. And a lot of women lose interest, but not all. The problem is that usually, the HD ones aren't married to each other! Nobody could know, when they get married at 25, if they'll have a high libido 40 years later! In fact, many will divorce long before 40 years because their libido levels grew apart.
I don't think you should have too much trouble finding someone in your age range who wants lots of intimacy and sex and can deliver it with no physical problems. I'm in my late 50's and I've yet to experience any significant change in my physical or mental sexuality. I realize I might not be the norm, based on all the Viagra commercials targeted for men in my age range. If anything, I could sometimes use a pill to cool off my arousal which might occur when I'm at work and just trying concentrate on my spreadsheet when an erotic thought pops into my head. Pretty much the same level of libido and response I had as a teenager. It's hell sometimes dealing with a high libido, but I'm not complaining.
So I'm here to tell you that there was at least one guy who was once 47, and who was good for another 10 years of sex every day, with intercourse lasting as long as you want. No Viagra needed, thank you. And I have to say with a laugh, I don't dare to try the stuff, not even once out of curiosity. I'm sure I'd be one of those guys who gets rushed to the hospital with a problem that's been going for more than 4 hours, and the nurses would all be having a chuckle at my expense.
SSM... At 53, I love the daily interactions with my almost 32year old EA. My question is... Is it too much to ask from a guy my age...or at least 45! ???
What kind of daily interactions? Just talking, flirting, walking together, or what do you mean? I assume you mean you have an EA partner who is 21 years younger?
Or would it answer your question if I said I'd love it if my wife were willing to have me take her out to romantic candlelight restaurant dinners several times a week with lots of talking and flirting, followed by sex. In fact, I wouldn't mind making almost every evening a date night followed by sex.
I'd much rather spend an evening that way than watching a football game. I'm often in the kitchen talking to my friends' wives during a football game. Can't help it, but I just find them so much more interesting than the game on the big screen.
