Last entanglement in Paris

[forward]

Sleeper,
I am glad for you as I wish I could say there is no tension, but there is some.

I'm more glad for you that you are settled into your place and that you sound happier than you have in a very long time.

[sleeper]

...I wish...there is no tension...but there is some.

Be careful for what you wish.

There is ZERO tension between X and myself. She and I speak freely and comfortably.

The problem is that I still love her and miss having a family with her and our two kids.

The surrealist aspect of this is that she has said to me on more than one occasion as we ended a phone convo, "I love you."

She did so this very evening.

As I have said many times: "It's a fine madness."

Possibly the "madness" is my own.

[sleeper]

I took kids to X last night. She invited me in to meet a friend and chat for a while. she was relating a story of a confrotation incident that occured between herself, OM and a former friend just after we separated. Listening to her revealed a little of what was going on in her mind just post-bomb. some of you might find it interesting.

As with many mlcers, many said she "changed", wasn't the same person, etc. X related that former friend told her she wasn't the same person after X's grandmother died. Grandmother was her m other figure and her grandfather also died a little over a year after her grandmother. X explaind she hadn't changed but had decided to "stand up for herself". This is how she sees what i would call the "anger stage" when she was assertive, obstinate in her demands and would become verbally and sometimes physically abusive if met with resistance. This also segues with the observation they become the opposite of what they were. She obviously saw herself as a pushover and so she became the pusher.

Of course in the story she related her ex-friend was the one who had gone "crazy", wrong in everything she said or did and her changes had nothing to do with the loss of her grandparents, just maturing and "taking care of" herself.

On a personal note I learned she had made up her mind that our marriage was over early on and even commented that we were "already divorced" when the events happened. We weren't and a legal separation had been filed just weeks prior to the incident she referenced.

I also believe there was a lot of projection going on during this time. She was dating so she accused me of dating (OK for her but not for me?) although I wasn't. She physically assaulted me once accusing me of going on a date with her best friend. She also freaked and thought I was going to take advantage of her financially in the D. Makes sense now as that is what she was planning on doing to me and feared I would do the same to her. Of course she believes what she wanted was absolutely "fair". I took the high road in all that and believe it was the right thing as it would have gotten ugly indeed if I hadn't.

Some of the things she said last night in direct conflict with what she told me at the time. I didn't call her on any of it. there was a third party present and what difference would it make? I'm not sure if this is selective memory, revised memory, or re-writing of history to make thing more acceptable to herself and others.

It was kinda bizzare. I was like an invited observer to the convo between them, a fly on the wall but of course she was talking to me too as I was in the room and she had invited me to listen.

The funny thing was as she was leaving her friend commented she believes Karma is a real thing.

I can't help but wonder if she said that for my benefit.

[Andabelle]

How did you feel about that?

[sleeper]

Not sure to what you are specifically referring but I felt weird about the situation overall and the topics discussed (there were other topics).

In some ways what I heard confirmed what I believe has happened (mlc) but at the same time it was difficult to hear the slight revisions of our history. I felt foolish for hoping there was a chance at reconcilliation nearly on as I now realize she was "done" with us. There was also reference to what happened to our D in the convo which was painful to hear discussed again (one topic not mentioned above).

I conclude that in her eyes I have moved from unwanted husband, to financial separation enemy, to close friend, family member and confidant (throughout this entire process she has confided in me from time to time).

Additional weirdness:

What had been house which I recently bought from her still has lots of her things in it (OMH took everything belonging to him). She wanted to have an alarm system installed so the kids and I will "be safe" (she's paying for it). I agreed and she spent half a day there earlier this week there while it was installed by the serviceman. She cleaned several rooms and straightened up, even puting a few of my things away. I was really shocked by that.

It's a fine madnesss.

[forward]

Sleeper, Do you really want to allow your X into the picture so that she is in your house like that? You might want to think about firmer boundaries, just for your own sake.....

As far as having these conversations in front of you, it seems kind of mean to me ??

[Andabelle]

I guess I was asking if you're disheartened that she's still so screwed up after all this time... stupid question.

[sleeper]

LOL

The truth is she was always a little "screwed up", horribly abused as a young child later growing up in a non-abusive but chaotic and unstable home environments. Your coment is interesting because lately I've begun to think she wasn't having a mlc but something similar. Or maybe it was a mlc with some very different aspects because of her very different childhood.

She's better, I'm better that's all good.

She's taking flying lessons now. I talked to her on the phone while she was in the air the other day. I don't believe the plan she bought is in any shape to fly.........yet.

X, DD and I had dinner together last night.

It's a fine madness.

[sleeper]

X and OMH came by the house (ours, then hers, now mine) the other day to get some things they left in the attic. OMH brought a large, white box down.

DD asked, "What's in this box, mom?"

"My wedding dress", X replied.

"Which one?" asked X.

I couldn't help but laugh. X did too.

[sleeper]

correction....

"Which one?" asked DD