Hope - Hope always exists - it exists just because it does. We hope we wake up tomorrow, we hope that we do not die in our sleep, we hope the car turns on tomorrow, we hope we do not get laid off, we hope, we hope, we hope. How much energy do we expand in the above examples? None really...we just hope. So apply this to the idea or HOPE of a reconciled relationship. You can hope...just do not let it consume you.
Beautiful my friend...beautiful.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Eric, very well said. I believe you have a future in public speaking or possibly even as a speech writer for the President.
No kidding, it was very beautifully put. The hard part of the scenario is not letting it consume you. I guess it's back to the rubberband-on-the-wrist thingy.
Yes I'm definaelty on the rollercoaster with all of this, and I need to stay on the ground and watch from a distance rather, but Its hard....I think I'm starting to feel a little depression here
H is still on his business trip, and hasnt been in contact for 5days which is a new record of NC for him. He usually asks after S4 at least. He IS sort of making some of his trip a leisure trip, hes always wanted to go see this city in the US, and hes been there for the past couple days.
Thoughts of a possibly OW obviously float around in my head, but I try squash them as soon as they come up. Not much I could do about it anyway....and I cant compete with fantasy, so not gonna try.
Was wondering - maybe them going to a different city on a different continent is like escaping reality? Like a new wonderful world with all the potential of a new life that they are after? Anyone else have a H in MLC who travels a lot?
Through my notoriously accurate powers of deduction, ive concluded that H is having a holiday with an OW overseas as we speak.
A month or so pre bomb, H was working late in the office, and I went in to ask him why he was up so late, as I came in I obviously surprised him, and he quickly closed the laptop. I saw just before he closed it he was skyping somone. I asked him why he closed his computer, he said he got a fright thats all (ya right), and I asked him who it was and he said a girl from the US office for the company he works for - they were talking about one of his hobbies. So I left it at that, but had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. And said to him I feel strange over whats just happened, he said dont be silly, so i said I just dont want to be one of those wives that dont have a clue. He said no you are not stupid, its nothing like that. For some reason I let it go. And a month later. Bang. Bomb drops.
So now he is in the US in this city where she is, and for the first time in H's history, he has gone 'dark'. Offline, cell off for 5 days, not even his best friend knows where he is or what hes doing (or so he says).
H has NEVER ever done this. He has never been unavailable or unreachable to me or his business.
It is VERY out of character.
It also explains why he was offering me all these wonderful gifts before he left.
He told his company (hes the MD) that hed be 'going off radar' for a few days. This coming from a man who would sit on skype just to make sure all his employees were online and at their desks when he was away!!!
I've got to agree with you there. My H went off with his GF for a week once and did not answer his phone at all. It nearly drove me nuts! You seem pretty pulled together.
Your story is remarkably like mine. My H went off for a week on a "diving trip with friends" and then went NC for the first time since the bomb. When he came back he had guilt dripping off of him and seemed more depressed. I've never confronted and don't know for sure, but when something doesn't smell right, it's usually cause it's going bad. Have strength.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
I think I'm starting to feel a little depression here
Be careful with this ^^^^ if you really start to feel depressed you may want to talk to your doctor about putting you on some anti depressants. They take time to work so the sooner you start them the better. I am not an advocate for medicating depression but sometime ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
PIE – IF your H is indeed having an A – does this change what you are going to do for YOU? As much as it hurt you need to let go of any thoughts of him and OW. Cry now, scream now, let all of your anger, hurt and pain out and then let go.
The normal tendency will be to internalize the anger, which will lead to depression or let out the anger at your H. Neither of these approaches will work. I did both. I internalized for a while (I stayed in the same bed with her knowing it was going on) and then one day exploded. About a month later my W filed.
IMO, you must now find a way to release this anger in a constructive and positive way. This will be a challenge – don’t kid yourself. You might feel like this is “it”. I can’t do this anymore. I am here to tell you that you can. YOU can do anything that you set YOUR mind to. Now, will you want to? That is another story all together.
For me personally, I held on to my anger for a long time and although I thought I “hid it” well…I can honestly say that looking back I did not. The anger will want to consume you – don’t let it. Remember why you are here. Remember what you are hoping to accomplish.
In closing, remember this….everything we do is a choice. Everything. Be true to you. Be true to what it is that YOU really want.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Funny thing i do feel more in control and together than i had thought, I think its becuase I am getting used to taming emotions a bit.Either that or I have none left
But Eric, what you said got my attention, cause I'm worried that taming my emotions will eventually lead to a blow up like you said Thing is at the moment, i dont feel angry, cause nothing is certain, i feel sad Sad Pie.
I've really let go of this man, and things dont impact me as much as they should anymore too - at least it takes me a milisecond to recover whereas it used to take days.
A friend of mine said maybe hes just in withdrawl mode, going dark, and wanting to be left alone. But i think I'd be being really niave believing that with all the facts here.
I'm still GALing through everything as much as I can Went to yoga for the first time two days ago and Pilates yesterday - always wanted to try them and I love it!
Was cleaning out some chat history on my PC, and couldnt help but look through H's and my chat history over the past 2 years. Everything seemed absolutly fine up until about 2 months pre bomb, when his 'cutesy' language started tapering off. (I mean we were married 9 years and we still spoke in our lovey-dovey cutesy language that would probably make most people cringe.) In fact if anyone ever knew he spoke cutesy language they would fall off their rocker, hes always portrayed a very manly macho image. And he is so very macho and yummy. Sigh...but i always managed to be the only one inside his macho wall. And saw the soft loving inside...no one else saw it - not even his parents.
Anyway, I picked up a few depressed sounding statements from him too, I didnt really take much notice at the time, becuase everyone has bad days, his seemed to be whenever he was overseas missing me, sounding low, and not sleeping etc. Stressed from work etc...the death of a close friends father also seemed a low point.
and then within two months he was saying he suddenly loved the jetsetting lifestyleand the adrenalin of being 'in the lions den' and felt like he was changing etc.
I just dont understand....I miss our lovely dovey cutesy talk so much...
Such a fool I feel... maybe i missed it all along, and he was good at pretending?
Went to yoga for the first time two days ago and Pilates yesterday - always wanted to try them and I love it!