I belive that for some D is a way to wipe the slate clean. She may need to do this - may not. Does that change how or what YOU do?
Also, as I read your post something stood out....
You were trying to "talk your way out" You were trying to TELL her how you have changed
Missher - you were trying to TELL her how much you've grown, changed, etc - Since when does this work.
Your afraid of how you feel right now. You feel like your pulling away and it scares you. You feel like maybe you crossed over to a new place.
You know you can't control this but you tried yesterday to...just a little bit BUT an attempt none the less.
Maybe Mach is right...are you wavering? Are you just tired? Is this it?
Missher - IMO - maybe we should just stop trying to figure out if we are "done"...and maybe we should live our lifes. Leave them in God's hands. Let go of that small piece of the R taht we are still holding on to.
True love - what is it to you?
An old saying....if you love something enough let it go. If it comes back it was meant to be - if it does not it never was meant to be.
Missher - let her go COMPLETLY -
Stand or wait for her (what ever he*l ya want to call it) - well that is YOUR choice - I have your back which every way you decide to go.
My opinion - your not done...so how about taking a break trying to figure it out. How about just enjoying Missher.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I see your Faith dwindling down Swiss....Like you were hinging this temp check as a last hope to what you have been standing for.
Yes, it very much was a temperature check. I don't feel like I did any damage or pushed her away, but today I recognize it as part of an internal struggle for me.
This movement I have had for the last 3 or 4 weeks trying to identify what is going on in me. I think it is the process of letting her go. I think I want to let her go but struggle with how to mesh that with this love for her that remains.
I think I am realizing that this Love for her will never go away, it is far less of a love then a had for her before. I think that I am trying to reconcile letting go while still having these feelings.
As far as faith goes, yes it is dwindling. I still hope that it will work out and that one day she will wake up and come back, but I don't believe it will definitely happen anymore.
Maybe that is the difference between Faith and Hope......
Brings to mind Corinthians 13:1-13, (yes Grit, I know you quoted it a couple of pages back) Gotta think on this one a bit.
Originally Posted By: Mach1
Why are you standing now ?
I think that I need to go back out to that prison gate and step beyond the fence line. I think that I am realizing that I am "Free" to make a choice, to stand or not. I am finding this freedom a little disconcerting in that I am probably going to be asking myself everyday, that question, "Why are you standing now?". I may wake up one morning and find that I am not.
BTW, I am a noob on the football thing so, yes I may need help.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Also, as I read your post something stood out....
You were trying to "talk your way out" You were trying to TELL her how you have changed
Missher - you were trying to TELL her how much you've grown, changed, etc - Since when does this work.
Eric, funny you say this because as I was talking to her yesterday I realized it and then just tried to shut up. I actually chuckled a little at myself while I was talking to her.
Was talking to someone last night and I posed the question to them that she still has a piece of my heart and I want it back from her, but I can't get it. Sooooo, if I can't get it how could I ever give all of me to someone else eventually???
My friend suggested that while my W may always have that piece of my heart, the void that is left in my heart will eventually grow back and my heart will be whole again even though my W still has a small piece. I thought it was an interesting analogy to that of a plant.
Eric, I will be thinking about you today....take care.
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
The hardest part of ANY process is the final pieces...
From what I can tell....
This is more about that fact that you finally realize that this really is your choice.....and that scares you.
That you have that freedom. It is a scary place to be in...
Your choice really doesn't have to be one or another right now....
You can choose to completely let her go and give this to God...
Your Faith is yours, for you. Do not waste it on your Marriage.
Whatever happens down the road will be anew anyway....
Maybe that is why it is dwindling ?
Live for you , and make the right choices that affect you and your children.
If your W decides to come back and try, then so be it. But you will be in a better place to make THAT decision when the time comes, and it HAS to be made.
Moving forward doesn't mean moving on. IF you choose to do that, then you have to be ready for the ramifications of that.
Accept full responsibility for YOUR actions through this.
Is there a chance ?
Yes
Guarantee that it WILL ?
Not at all....
DBing has brought you to the place where you are in a healthy place to make good decisions about you, your wants, your needs.
Use that information to decide what YOU want for you...Work toward YOUR goals
Yes, You still love her, and you always will Swiss....
Just the way it is.....
Work toward forgiving her for stealing your rocking chair.....
Thanks - I will be thinking about YOU too - just not in that "way". LOL
On a serious note - the feeling you are going through I think are normal. I still stand my earlier comment that maybe we need to spend less time trying to determine if we are done and just live life. I think you are right we may just wake up one day and realize that we are done.
The challenge (and sorry to post this on your thread as I think it is a sensitive topic) we may face is....
We are vulnerable - We have been treated like Chit for a while We are lonely We miss the bond of a partner We miss intimacy We are emotionally open and raw
So are we saying we are done because of the above OR because we are done?
I think we the LBS's can run too. Run when the chit hits the fan and we say we are done. The reasons we say done vary...
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, Yes it is a sensitive matter but you verbalized a fear or concern of mine.
I want to be done because I am done not because I have met someone else. I question if this is possible since I am pretty sure I will always "love" my wife to some degree.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
We are vulnerable - We have been treated like Chit for a while We are lonely We miss the bond of a partner We miss intimacy We are emotionally open and raw
Yep on all these things!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I want to be done because I am done not because I have met someone else. I question if this is possible since I am pretty sure I will always "love" my wife to some degree.
Yes guys, it is very possible.
You will always love your S to some degree. It is no different than when someone we love dies. Just because they are no longer present, are unable to return that love, does NOT mean that we don't love them.
You will not question this once you reach that point of knowing you are done. UNLESS you already have someone in your life. If you are uncertain, and you meet someone, and THEN you decide that you are done, chances are, it is not because you have found that place of peace, but because you have found another...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
