But Eric, what you said got my attention, cause I'm worried that taming my emotions will eventually lead to a blow up like you said
The only advice I can give you is to try and find a way to release the anger the minute you feel it. Internalize it will make you depressed, which does you no good. It is okay to be angry. It is NOT okay to lash out at someone in YOUR anger. So come up with a plan for how you will get rid of it. Gym, jog, go outside and scream – something but just get rid of it.
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Such a fool I feel... maybe i missed it all along, and he was good at pretending?
PIE – stop that…you should not feel like a fool because you loved and cherished the man that you committed to. You did not cause his MLC. There was nothing that you could have done to prevent it. Can you stop it from raining? No.
We all missed the early signs. I don’t know about you BUT pre bomb I was not an MLC expert so how the hell was I suppose to know that this is what my W was going through. So stop beating yourself up about this and get back to working on YOU. Yes he was good at pretending. He was running…..running NOT from you but from himself.
Chin up PIE….chin up.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, you are like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold day thank you, I feel instantly better from your sensible words Can I carry you round in my pocket?
Just what I needed actually - was out at a girlfriends earlier, and she was complaining because her H was out of town and she cant bear it when hes gone for more than a couple of days..she must have seen the sad little look on my face, and tried to distract me a bit afterwards.
But I do feel decidedly 'soothed' now , thank you Eric
It seems every time I get set on fire someone comes running with a bucket What a wonderful place this is
I'm just so confused because I felt progress, and now this
Pie, you are confused and cross because you had an expectation. Explore that ...
What was your expectation? How will you prevent yourself from feeling this way in the future (your feelings are YOUR responsibility and your choice after all)? Dig deeper ...
Pilates is a great idea ... get the endorphins flowing!
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Phew! Amazing what pilates can do! Back and feeling 200% better already!! Wonder how long it lasts, might be going to the gym every couple hours just to get through this
Thanks For posting, Seeking and PEI
Seeking, thats a bit of a relief to hear..hanging onto my hope for dear life!
PEI - thats the trouble I'm having, how do you tell between hope and expectation. I feel like when something like this happens it makes me sad cause i feel myself losing hope...but i suppose that wouldn't happen if i had no expectations.
Think i just answered my own question LOL
Ok so lose the expectation, then you wont lose hope, right?
But I feel like the only thing thats keeping my hope going is those tiny little baby steps, and when they go backward, my little hope tank empties out a bit
How do you keep your hope? Without relying on baby steps?
I have given H the space he needs and NOW I EXPECT him to respond to my advances.
I have given H the space he needs and NOW I HOPE that he responds to my advances; however, I understand that I do not know nor control HOW he will respond.
PIE - I have posted a similar response on another thread...
I HOPE the sun rises I HOPE my car starts in the morning I HOPE that I wake up I HOPE that I will have a job next year
IMO - hope is something that we all have and in some ways cannot control. It is just that HOPE....
An expectation is doing something that maybe we do not feel like doing but we do it anyway and then we EXPECT something in return.
I hope this helps.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi Eric, thank you for your advice, I really do appreciate it. I'm having the most awful day I think I've ever had. H was returning from his 12 day 'business trip' this morning, S4 has been so sad to not hear or see his dad in so long, I really had expected H to phone and check on S as soon as he touched down (note expected again ). Instead his BMF meets him at the airport (BMF seems to have replaced me in terms of the most important person in his life, for business and personal reasons)
BMF and him spend 1.5hrs talking about 'business' (I reckon H is glotaing about his romantic getaway). Then H texts to ask if he can spend some time with S sometime this weekend, and when will it suit me. Yes - the txts are always polite, but H has a phobia for being seen as the bad guy.
Sorry if my post is a little abrupt, I'm seething in anger as I write this.
So I text back saying 'ofcourse! Hes missing you like crazy! He's dying to see you.'
So H gets here about 1 hr later,to fetch S4, but he says to S, daddys come to fetch you, but daddy's still talking business to uncle BMF, is that ok?'
So when he came in the door, I said Hi! How was your trip, and he said 'good.' smiling and pretending to be busy straigtening S's hair , avoiding eye contact.
And then said he was going to a barbecue that eve, and wanted S to go to, so I said ofcourse.
And then abruptly left! He even left the car running in the driveway when he came in.
So much for wanting to be friends.
Friends don't do that.
I was feeling very hurt at the time , I tried VERY VERY hard not to show it, but I guess he picked up a little twinge in my face at the door and asked if i was ok. I said yes, its just that it was a very quick 'in and out'. So he said - OH, no its just that BMF is waiting for me (Gee thanks, dont I feel like chopped liver)
And off he ran.
As soon as I closed the door I burst into tears. And I havnt done that in a very long time. Then I got angry. Stormed upstairs and started packing all his stuff that he'd left behind into huge black bags which have now been extradited to the garage. It took me about 1 hr. And I'm feeling a little better now, but still a little angry and sad.
All that progress, and now back to square one.
HOW CAN YOU NOT GET EXCITED WHEN THERES PROGRESS?? HOWWWWW?????
I think my expectation repression button is faulty
But Eric, i did what you said, I threw all my anger into packing his stuff. There was alot of unneccesarry banging and throwing stuff. if someone were filming me it might have been a psycho-thriller movie. I feel like I'm at some sort of limit.
thank you, I feel instantly better from your sensible words 
