Well I am pretty sure I had a step back in my dealing with STBXH. Christmas morning he came to the house around 9 am. So he could watch the Girls open presents...he then spent the whole day here since we were going to his Aunts house for Christmas dinner. He spent most of the time on his lap top. He helped himself to leftovers in the fridge for lunch, I made a comment how he makes himself at home. We went to his Aunts for dinner, we all drive together in the same car. It was nice being with his Family like every other year...it was the same as always the Girls and I socializing and him in a room by himself sleeping or working.
It was the ride home where I lost my composure. I shouldn't have had that extra glass of champagne. I just got a little emotional. Started talking about things I've done on my own. The Girls start arguing in the back, so I said maybe I can leave for a night and you stay and deal with this...just got a little teary eyed.
Maybe it's all not a big deal,I just feel like it was a step back in that I was always trying to come off strong and confident in front of him and now I feel like I have to start over. Start over in proving I am handling my new situation.
Thanks for listening, Shelby.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
You don't have to "start over" Shelby. You had a moment and you said your piece so now let it go. It happens. Christmas holiday and divorce is enough to send anyone in a tailspin.
Hi All, I haven't been around in a while. But I have a quick question for you.
I am having a surgery in a couple of days and my STBXH will be spending the night here with our Daughters while I am spending the night in the hospital. My question is probably a silly thing to worry about considering everything else but...should I let him sleep in the bed we used to share or should I let him know maybe it would be best if he slept on the couch ? We do not have a spare bedroom.
Thank you for your thoughts, Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
should I let him sleep in the bed we used to share or should I let him know maybe it would be best if he slept on the couch ?
Well, I would treat him as you would a guest. If you had overnight guests, would you offer your bed to them? If you are not comfortable with him being in your bed, move one of the kids to it and let H sleep in the kids room.
Hope all goes well with your surgery! Take care
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Hi there, I remember you... I'm a mega lurker now, but, I agree with the post about treating him as a guest... put distance between you two, the more you do 'normal' 'family' things together, the more you tie yourself to him and your healing will delay and you'll just hurt more, hon, please trust me on this.
After a long time, after I healed from it all, I was able, only because the kids' grandma asked me, to come for Christmas and have dinner together... I came a bit later and didn't stay as long, I was able to do so because I didn't see him as anything else other than just someone else in the house. But until all is behind you, I would def. cut down on times he comes and makes himself at home, he isn't your H anymore, he lost that privilege... right after exH left, he'd still come in my home without knocking the way he'd always do... until I gave him a bewildered 'what are you doing' look that he got the hint and knocked and didn't just left himself in.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I haven't posted much. Just with the occasional question or concern. Well here I go again. We have been separated for 9 months now. I try to go by the last resort technique. As much as possible. He comes to see the girls about once a week and he still will occasionally invite me along. I went twice before Christmas but have since declined each time. It was so hard on me, we would go out behave like a happily little family, but then of course we weren't and he would go to his own place at the end of the night.
All along these past 9 months he would tell me that there was no girlfriend. He was just doing a " life change ". Of course I always thought there had to be another woman but I guess the thought that there wasn't gave me false hope. And that's where I now. Last week he went to Vegas for a " work convention" And was staying 3 extra days on his own. Oh sure!!! I wasn't born yesterday. I am not FB friends with him but our daughters are and today I was being nosey and yep he has a bunch of fun Vegas pics up and one with a Girl's arms around his shoulders. They are obviously together.
I did a little more quick Internet research finding her on his friends list, finding her name and funding out she lives 1 block away from his new place. Oh by the way he moved over an hour away from me and his daughters.
So now what ? Do I sit back and continue to do nothing. I have been giving him all this space, being pleasant and nice whenever he visits. Just sitting back and letting him go.
Seeing him in this picture has really shook me up. I know I needed to see it but it still hurts. I am not sure if I should say something about it. We aren't divorced yet, our daughters can see it. Should I stop being so easy going, let him know what an idiot he is ?
Thank you, Shelby.
Him on facebook.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Shelby, I'm sorry for your pain. It's never easy to find that the one you love, separated or not, is with someone else. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and that hole would never be filled. My advice is to let it go and get on with your life. The beauty of DBing for me was that while I tried to save my marriage I also developed a life that did not include her. There's no point in confronting or calling him on it, that's your pain speaking. You want to make him hurt because what you've found out has made you hurt. I say, feel your pain and decide whether or not you want to keep fighting for this R. If so, review the DB book and keep at it, if not, start re-building. Again, so sorry you're here and going through this. It does get better...really!
