I read the last five pages or so all at once, and seeing some of the advice I was getting a little worried, but you've done a good job of sticking to your guns, OIN. Way to go!
Just a thought, but you said your friend told you that having a baby helped turn his marriage around. Could your wife have been getting advice like that, too?
Whatever the reason, I'm glad you didn't fall into the trap of having unprotected sex with a woman who wants to get pregnant for the wrong reasons, and trusting in your ability to "pull out" or take some shot or supplement. If there were a male birth control method that involved occasional injections but no condoms, I'd jump on it, but to my knowledge there's no male equivalent to "the Pill" that has been shown to be effective in clinical testing. We should all beware the power of wishful thinking. And even if it worked, you'd end up regretting the shortcut. Doing the work, as you're doing, will take longer, but it might really work.
BUT do you understand the dynamics of the exact thing that turned HER around? Do you know when that moment came? Or do you actually believe it was his "hanging in there and not giving up" was what did it? (you are WRONG if you believe that)
It was when he told her AND showed her that he FINALLY understood that no matter what he did that he now realized that she did NOT want to stay married and would never love him again and that he was going to STOP trying to show her how sorry he was and he was going to stop trying to win her back....(and THEN he followed through on that)
THAT was HER turning point. It was when he told her he was giving up winning her back... She THEN wrote him the letter and then told him she wanted to try..
Things between W and I have been steady, We had a few rocky days since my last post. These few days consisted of arguments that stemmed from me expecting to much too soon. In the end we both agreed to stop the argument and move forward.
Retrouvaille should be a tremendous help for us (1 month to go).
There have been moments where W and I openly talk about the past and we'd validate each others feelings.
One thing my W has said constantly to me is "I have to trust you again, you hurt me and it will take time, I use to always feel pressured to do things and now I want to do this on my own terms."
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As gucci mentioned, it is true for months I was stubborn and took the "be patient and wait it out" route. Then I slowly convinced myself that indeed it was "too little too late" and even thought I was a major contributor to our falling apart I did not want to life like that any longer and so I took the plunge and followed the advice of many. I agreed with W for once and it drastically turned our sitch around.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
OIN hasn't posted in two weeks. I guess he must be having satisfaction within his life and his relationship at the current. Bringing to top, I wanted to hear his comment.
Hey all. I planned on making a post with some updates. Wife and I are getting a long quite well BUT there is at times some tension between us.... Allow me to explain
wife and I would have a great day. When we have such days I feel even more confident in our sitch. Then our next interaction I expect it to go even better but then it seems like we took a step back rather than build on our previous interactions. This does cause tension but maybe only because I allow it to. I think I expect too much too soon. I know we are on wife's time but some times I think we are farther along then we actually are.
I admit I have slipped up a few times prompting wife to become defensive.
Wife has said things such as - I am waitimg to see if you actually changed - I dont want to make myself vulnerable and get hurt again, I have to see that you changed and know that I can trust you
There are many things my w won't talk about or feelings she won't express due to she feels it will make her vulnerable... I really hope retrouvaille helps.
In some aspects working toward reconcile has been tough. My w has,changed in some ways from the person I remember her being. so I am getting aquanted with these changes in her. I am not sure if this is due to w not fully opening herself up to me or if this is truly the new her. W has said MUCH of what she did and said in the past she felt like she was forced.
I am trying to stay focused and could certainly use some advise at this point from those who have reconciled. Tips, suggestions or what to expect....
Also I been feeling upset in way (cant think of the word I am looking for).....w's actions in the those 7 mo has aused me to hold some grudge toward her....how do I over come?
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
Yes, it's very hard to reconcile if no one gives you both direction. How long until Retrouvaille? I am sure that it will help. Just keep doing your best.
Hey all. I planned on making a post with some updates. Wife and I are getting a long quite well BUT there is at times some tension between us.... Allow me to explain
wife and I would have a great day. When we have such days I feel even more confident in our sitch. Then our next interaction I expect it to go even better but then it seems like we took a step back rather than build on our previous interactions. This does cause tension but maybe only because I allow it to. I think I expect too much too soon. I know we are on wife's time but some times I think we are farther along then we actually are.
I admit I have slipped up a few times prompting wife to become defensive.
Wife has said things such as - I am waitimg to see if you actually changed - I dont want to make myself vulnerable and get hurt again, I have to see that you changed and know that I can trust you
There are many things my w won't talk about or feelings she won't express due to she feels it will make her vulnerable... I really hope retrouvaille helps.
In some aspects working toward reconcile has been tough. My w has,changed in some ways from the person I remember her being. so I am getting aquanted with these changes in her. I am not sure if this is due to w not fully opening herself up to me or if this is truly the new her. W has said MUCH of what she did and said in the past she felt like she was forced.
I am trying to stay focused and could certainly use some advise at this point from those who have reconciled. Tips, suggestions or what to expect....
Also I been feeling upset in way (cant think of the word I am looking for).....w's actions in the those 7 mo has aused me to hold some grudge toward her....how do I over come?
OfficerInNeed,
Consider this, as we build up experiences, we will GROW. We will grow into a direction in which we are spending our time and focus. So its not really about someone "changing back", not sure if that could happen.
Determine how they are growing and what their priorities are and if you can support it.
