How are you? Are you okay? I read some of your posts about finding out your W had an affair. I am so sorry. Sounds like you are getting stronger every day! Good for YOU~
Thanks so much for the positive words, means alot to me. I am doing so much better now than I did when bomb dropped in July. It almost seems as if I am a different person, but in my heart I know I am just a person who is understanding the reality of my sitch and moving forward. That doesn't mean my heart isn't broken, but I am coping and moving forward. Once I got it through my head my M was over, I started to do better, I finally got the concept of "letting go" everyone talks about, which is so vital and yet so hard to do. But once done, it frees us to starting living again.
Take care my friend. I know life will be good for you again very very soon!
Today I'm actually feeling pretty good. The no contact thing is really empowering. She needs to know that a Boundary was crossed and I'm no longer available to her. She can go to loverboy now. No more pursuing, no more sitting around hoping, and no more enabling her to have both worlds. It's going to hurt off and on, but knowing the truth sets you free. I'm just so glad I don't feel like I'm neglecting her cheating a$$ anymore.
I'm so happy with your attitude Susan, no one is going to heal without time, but the more you put yourself first the better you will be. You deserve so much better. Stay strong and you take care too. If it ever get's too much, just post how you feel here. It's therapy.
(((((FaithnAK)))))) I am sorry yesterday wasn't a good day for you. I understand. There will be the better and not so good days for all of us. But today you are doing well, and that is a huge positive.
I am so proud you set that boundary and let your W go and set yourself free. And the words you used, "her cheating a$$", tells me that you truly are sticking up for yourself and are a bit angry. Controlled anger can be used to our advantage.
You deserve better than someone who cheats on you. Anyone who chooses cheating over trying to repair M issues has a serious lack of character problem. I went through that in my first M, and it left me scarred.
Thank you for the kind words, FaithnAK. I appreciate them so much. I will stay strong as much as I can. I know once I have actually moved out of the house, the pain will be great, but I also know the healing will then begin.
I am proud of you and how you are handling a very painful and difficult sitch. You are a decent, honest person who deserves a secure, trusting and loving R which you will find once you are ready.
I certainly will post as needed-you are right, it is wonderful therapy. I learn something I can use every time I read others sitches and replies to my posts~
Least we will turn out better than the ones we married.
That is exactally what I keep telling myself. When all is said and done, who is going to look back and be proud of the person they have become? It's not going to be him, that is for sure!
Me 30 H 29 DC 9, 7, 2 M 4 years, T 6 years ILYBINILWY Bomb: 8/8/10 He doesn't want to work, I'm slowly getting there too Physically separating end of September
Feeling like abandoning the ship tells me you are ready to move on and that is good for YOUR well being.
That's right, we do deserve better and we will have it when we are ready. Life is too short to settle for less. Even though I have a "dread" of "starting over" at 56, I know I can do it. Same as you can. We have strength of character and strength of will.
I looked at a few apts (rent is ridiculously high in CA), and a few condos for sale. My oldest brother has offered me his home for as long as I need it.So, I might stay with him and store my furniture. I was laid off in April this year, and haven't found a job yet- I still have hip replacement surgery in 2 weeks, so alot on the proverbial "plate" .
I most likely will be out of H's house by end of November, or early December. I did tell H and it's in rough draft of leg sep doc, that I will leave when I am fully healed and can safely pack and lift moving boxes!!
H had put into leg sep draft that he was charging me $1750 rent for every extra month I stayed past Nov, but I told him that needed to be removed from leg sep draft, it was an insult and I would NEVER pay it. It was removed as well as a move out date. That date is to be determined by me and how fast I heal post surgery.
I am holding my own, I have my own lawyer.
Life will be good again for all of us except the WAS's. They will realize too late that what they had was pretty damn good after all.
Have a great day and remember there are many people here to help us at all times.
H and I got into a huge blow up about alimony.H's anger showed through-all along he's been pushing for mediation, but clearly he's been suppressing tremendous anger. Talked to me like I was scum under his feet. The "let's try to be friends" routine has all been an act.H is so resentful he has to give me a penny.I told him during the heat of battle that freedom is not FREE!
Anyway, I told him we could go into litigation any time.
I am considering canceling my surgery and moving out asap.
H and I got into a huge blow up about alimony.H's anger showed through-all along he's been pushing for mediation, but clearly he's been suppressing tremendous anger. Talked to me like I was scum under his feet. The "let's try to be friends" routine has all been an act.H is so resentful he has to give me a penny.I told him during the heat of battle that freedom is not FREE!
Anyway, I told him we could go into litigation any time.
I am considering canceling my surgery and moving out asap.
I don't deserve this s --t
Hope you are coping okay.Stay strong my friend~
I'm sorry Susan. You're right freedom is not free. You shouldn't have to put up with any of that crap. Do you have anybody that you could move in with while you recover from surgery? Maybe, that could be an option? If not, I think you might want to wait because I'd hate to see you having to rest, try to heal, and have to put up with disrespect. That would be one miserable sitch.
My day is equally sh!tty. Trying to be productive in getting out of this hell by packing her stuff up, but I find 2 used packages of the Morning After pill, which were used way before W moved out. So basically confirms again that she's been cheating for awhile. Now I'm freaked out about my health. Hope she didn't give me an STD. Pissed off because I have to deal with everything while she's out getting it on with no responsibility. Thank goodness I have my dogs.
It's just unbelievable how F'd up these WAS's can be.
Hang in there Susan. Try to get something set up so you can still have your surgery. Thanks for checking in.
That would greatly upset me too, to find sx related medications, etc. I am sorry you have to pack W's things and find such disrespectful items amongst her belongings. Odd she didn't take-it seems as maybe she wanted you to find the pills. How about tossing them out . It would take her power away if you act as if "here are your things" and smile when you had them to her, or better yet, leave the box on the porch for her, no contact.
Maybe I am naive, but I don't think it's all fun and games for most of the WAS's having affairs. How can their children respect them? How can they respect themselves? Or are they so selfish and lacking morals they justify everything? I believe once the excitement wears off with the OM, your W will start feeling guilty, and have emotional meltdowns. Just don't let her suck you back into a R with her until you truly can unemotionally look at the sitch and she gets counseling and stays out of the house until she is truly sorry and repairs herself so she is a trustworthy, whole person. Don't ever settle because of an emotional attachment with spouse. I am fighting that demon right now. Still finding myself getting emotional about sitch.
I am glad you have your dogs- pets are a huge comfort. Always love us no matter what. What breed are your furkids?
The STD is a concern.My first husband gave me that gift.I didn't find out until after we were divorced.I had to have a surgical procedure because of it. So , please get yourself checked out as you plan to do. Wise decision.
My brother keeps telling me to come to his home and recuperate from the surgery. He has stairs though, so may not work. I will have to decide if I am going through with surgery as pre-op appts start this Tuesday. The decisions I have to make are many and I am trying to calmly make them.
Yes, these WAS's are f----d up.
It's been miserable being here under these circumstances, but at least H and I were seemingly "friends". That was smoke and mirrors on his part.As long as I agreed to everything for settlement, he was friendly. No longer the case. Discussed the finances again this morning and same thing happened. Anger and resentment from H as I try to make a better deal for myself (H owns a million dollar home free and clear, has assets out the wazoo), which H resents. I again reminded H, that he is the one leaving the M, that sacrifices will be made on both our parts, that I feel I am making more sacrifices, which H says he does NOT care about since I ruined M too. I keep reminding him when he plays that card that HE is choosing to leave M, not ME and H is causing the financial split of assets. Useless to go down that road.I will let my lawyer review doc and proceed from there. We have another mediation lawyer appt tomorrow.
Thanks for writing and pls continue to keep in touch. You will come out of this okay.
Controlled anger can be used to our advantage. 
