All these horrible things have rung true AND (sorry) made me laugh too.We are not alone...
H bought a 200Euro necklace for QW as a Christmas present; I got a paperback book. Seeing the jewellery on our accounts (while innocently checking we weren't in the red), I confronted him with this; he said "she's just a good friend and she's been very depressed, she was there for me when I needed he". AND I ACTUALLY SWALLOWED THAT. Hello-oh!
H brought OW to our home to eat, to train with him (sportspeople), to do our daughter's hair on her communion day (although I wanted to do it myself), WHILE the affair was going on.
H used children (ours and hers) as an excuse to meet up and be together on several occasions while foolah was at work;
When he finally told me about the affair (after a romantic weekend when we'd been very happy), he said he'd been acting a part for years, it was my fault, he'd been obliged to look elsewhere for love because I was amways at work, never at home and also because I never went anywhere and was smothering him. I'm still trying to get my head around that one, but I was never good at trigonometry. NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
I get that people have needs that go unmet. I get that people feel urges to look elsewhere to meet them.
What I draw the line on this LYING about taking action.
There are things I want to own... motorcycle, etc... I look at magazines.. I even checked them out at an auto show...
But I am NOT going to LIE to my wife and BUY a motorcycle in SECRET and DRIVE it around town behind her back for months and months...
Feeling wayward and feeling like straying is understandable.. I have issue with ACTING on that in ways that are not constructive.
If I want a motorcycle, I TALK to my WIFE about it... If she's not around... I write her a letter... I do everything I can to get HER in teh LOOP before I buy it...
These feelings of waywardness that build up take TIME, it sin't overnight... and during this time of processing THAT is when you SPEAK UP LOUDLY.. you don't mumble and hide in a corner to fester in secret...
These feelings of waywardness that build up take TIME, it sin't overnight... and during this time of processing THAT is when you SPEAK UP LOUDLY.. you don't mumble and hide in a corner to fester in secret...
2 years ago, I had a crush on a customer that came into my work. I kept that to myself, talked to him alot, but didn't directly (or indirectly) act on it. Crush had no idea. After a while, became aware that it was reciprocal. At that point, told my bf, who also worked there; completely backed off and maintained distance until it passed. Meanwhile, at home, H was not meeting my needs left & right. However, that still wasn't enough to justify having A.
Made the mistake of telling H this story shortly before moving out. H freaked and told me that my un-acted on crush was the same as his PA. Assume that H's OW was the first crush he had since we got together which may be why H didn't have the sense to do the right thing.
edit: typos
Last edited by Vulcanized; 09/09/1009:39 PM.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
It's been along time ago, but I still "ponder" some of the crap H pulled in his A days. There was so much of it I could go on and on, but when I saw this thread 2 "special" things came to mind.
1)Went on a trip over thanksgiving to our family vacation spot, I was suspicious....he assured me he was going alone...then called me upon arrival and said "just wanted to let you know WE made it"....I don't think he ever even knew he said it.
2)On same trip...he'd promised he would call home everynight. He DID keep that promise...Called, chatted for quite some time, said ILY's...with OW in the cabin. Evidently, it upset her mightily,(wow, imagine that) and she would throw a tantrum and be angry for hours. Every night. Darn
3)H went on a weekend "hunting trip", supposedly staying at his BIL's. I had blocked ow's # on our phone...H calls me, tells me he didnt know what was up, but he "couldnt get through so he had to call on his cell" duhhhhh.....I only had 1 number blocked so it was a dead giveaway. I called BIL to check on the phone problem who surprise surprise hadnt seen nor heard from him...drove to ow's house and found his car
I could go on and on, but it's amazing how DUMB he was...I always wondered if he thought I was that stupid.
