Quotes Found on Divorce Busting (III)

[Ready2Change]

The way I look at the fake until you make....is that we eventually become our thoughts. If we do positive things "on purpose"--does it mean we are faking if we don't really think or feel the positive thing we did? If that was the case then I probably would not go to my job site a lot of days, nor tollerate some of the people I come in contact with (nor smile at them).....and I wouldn't attend Church regularly, or try to cheer another person when I felt off myself. But I've learned that if I determine within my own heart to put into motion what I "know" is more positive than how I may "feel", then my thoughts/attitude will catch up. Do you see what I'm trying to say? The point is to eventually "make" it...or in other words, "become" what you are projecting!

None of us know what is our end. I'm not sure we need to know. We face life with our personal beliefs/standards and faith. We make the most, hopefully, of each day that we have.

[Forrest Gump]

But.. I've learned that if I determine within my own heart to put into motion what I "know" is more positive than how I may "feel", then my thoughts/attitude will catch up. The point is to eventually "make" it...or in other words, "become" what you are projecting!

None of us know what is our end. I'm not sure we need to know! We face life with our personal beliefs/standards and faith. We make the most, hopefully, of each day that we have.

Sandi2.. you are gonna have to stop using "" it confuses people.

But.. that right there.. is some gold if you understand it.

[Ready2Change]

You actually do have a chance of turning this around but it involves a lot of work and a lot of change on your part.

As for expecting you to pay for the apartment that you can swap, tell her

"NO, I've decided I won't ever be doing anything like that. You cheated, you wanted out of the marriage, well then you need to leave, start looking for a place you can live, get a full-time job and put your university classes on hold and get yourself an apartment where you can also keep the kids half of the time. I don't care how expensive an apartment is, you made these decisions, you deal with those consequences. I don't plan on moving out of my home anytime soon but I would like YOU to leave ASAP, if you need help moving let me know."

You have been way too soft, it's time to stop that.

[Ready2Change]

Separate bank accounts, get your work pay check deposited into another account deposited into another account or you will find yourself with no money and a lot of reasons from her as to why she should spend as much as she wants. You do NOT owe her anything. She cheated on you and wants out of the marriage, remember? Why would you owe anything to someone who did that to you? Because they're your spouse and because you have kids? What about you? What does she owe you? Nothing after all these years? Stop being soft with her. She has been testing you constantly and found you to be a weak partner, she feels stronger than you because she can walk all over you and she does, you are a door mat. You have no voice, you're afraid to speak up because you think you will lose her but the truth of the matter is, you have lost her already, the process you are in right now proves this, she's just having her fun with you now, seeing how much she can beat you up and bully you. She can't love you or be attracted to you if she doesn't respect you. How can she respect you if you're the man in the relationship and she's stronger than you? How can she respect you if you won't stand up to her when she acts poorly and disrespectful? If you can't stand up to her how could you ever be expected to stand up for her if she ever needed to be protected? You've proven to her that you can't stand up to her so you're useless as a male mate, as a protector, etc.

You let her go, you don't fight to get her back, that's how you snap her head back into reality.

No more funding her "fancy & free lifestyle", tell her to get a job and work for her money and she can buy herself whatever she needs because you won't be doing it anymore.

These are your 180's and you need to start doing this immediately or I promise you that you will be going through this for months/years.

[Ready2Change]

People who blame mistakes on alcohol are usually losers, sorry to say it. Alcohol doesn't make you do things you don't want to do, in fact it's the opposite, it gives you liquid courage and liquid confidence to do the things you always wanted to do but were afraid to do. If she cheated when she was drunk, it's just because she wanted to cheat when she was sober. She did a good job though, she made you feel guilty for getting angry at her for cheating, LOL! Priceless, she cheats but you feel guilty, nice job! Again listen to yourself, you are "worried" that being too hard on her is going to backfire. Really?! What you've done so far hasn't worked for you, what would you have to lose?

Kick her out.

People only realize what they had when they lose it.

She will only realize your loss when she has lost you.

Let her go, have her move out, don't worry about her not having friends, she found enough friends to fool around with and I'm sure she has had more than sexual partner since this has all happened, don't kid yourself. When you have real walking power, the kind of attitude that says to your partner, you cheat on me, you lose me forever, that's when things turn around, that's when you will discover if they really want you or not and if they don't really want you enough to fight hard for you and show you they made a mistake and want to regain your trust again, well then... you really haven't lost anything worthwhile.

Your decision in the end but I'll remind you that what you have done so far hasn't worked at all.

[Ready2Change]

Amsterdam was GREAT! Walked the Red Light district, but didn't get into any trouble. Thought hard about it though. Smoked, ate "spece cakes", and drank too much. What a place. Lots of beautiful women in Amsterdam. LOTS OF BICYCLES in Amsterdam. There are bike traffic jams!!

In Munich now for Oktoberfest. Got here about 10am today and walked to the grounds. It was raining when we got here, but cleared up before too long. That place is nuts too. People drinking huge steins of beer everywhere. One guy leaned over and puked his guts out. 10 min later he had another stein of beer.,There are some pretty extreme looking rides that I want to try too! May get out on a castle tour in the morning...Anyway, gotta get to bed so I can get up tomorrow. This may be the most sleep have gotten while traveling and it is 1 am. Been up til 3am or later too many nights in a row.

Is this GAL? As my former neighbor would say - To the MAX!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

R2C,

As always, GREAT QUOTES. You're doing the Lord's work here, buddy.

Can I make a request? Do you think you could include a link to the post from where the quote was pulled? I don't get the time to follow all of the threads, but often your posted quote will pique my interest, and I'd like to see who, for example, Robx was posting to above.

Just a thought.

thanks,

Puppy

[DumpedforMIL]

i agree with PDT. a few times i read the quotes and i wonder where the source of that gem was from.

thanks r2c.

[Ready2Change]

Link to original post

After Retrouvaille we became very close and were on a high that would be short lived but we kept on going knowing there were better days ahead. We learned to express our feeling more and it helped her out so much. I was happy, she was becoming happy and life was getting better and better.

Then last night after our session I made a comment to her about my trust toward her and she dropped the bomb. It took A LOT for her to finally say it but she did her exact words were "It was more than just emotional...there were a couple times where it became physical."

My W explained that at the time she thought only of me as a jerk and she never expected for me to change the way I did so she was selfish and only cared about her feelings.

I feel like trash, like the rebound. Her dreams fell through with him and now I am the next best thing.

My W also admitted to being a bitch on purpose even up till last night because she wanted me to feel her pain. Now after she told me this she has done a 180 and is very clingy and "wanting to do whatever it takes"...

You've made it...

You never thought you would get here many months ago... You had NO CONFIDENCE and we all told you to keep at it and things would improve.

You kept at it...

You did the work and you've MADE it...

Don't waste ONE more MINUTE on this destructive wavering...

Your wife wavers and has doubts and wastes time, now YOU do it... Soon YOU will be committed and SHE won't be... She will feel you didn't turn to her when she was "clingy" so she looked elsewhere... AGAIN...

STOP the wavering and doubts.. ENJOY a committed marriage again... Don't waste another moment in limbo if you don't have to... It's all silly and we have all done it and wasted countless months doing so... Some of us even strayed during that wavering time...

Turn to your wife, give your commitment 100% and enjoy a marriage saved.

You earned it.

...Chapter 4 and Chapter 6 of Not Just Friends are excellent resources on working through this pain. I won't repeat what they have said here, I can't do it justice.

You do need to focus on the positives at this time. You wanted your marriage and it sounds like your wife has come down from her anger cloud and does want to work with you.

This is your ultimate test my friend. Don't give up on her now.

[Ready2Change]

Original Thread

Not that it's a huge difference, but I have no proof of any A, and if I do, it's only an EA, not a PA...

It's why she can't stand her parents, you or her family. It's a big deal. Someone connecting with your wife emotionally is a big deal. You need some solid intel. DB with a EA/PA is different than without. Know the game before you start playing.