I could not finish your post, but dude take a hint she has 0 respect for you. I dont think you have 1 chance in one million of saveing your marriage, until she feels you are gone by that time there is a good chance you will not want her.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
First day of getting my head on straight and my head outa my a!!. I work 3rd shift and have been waking up at noon. She comes home then to put baby down and get ready for work. She has stopped texting me unless about kids. I saw she was watching TV and listening to her iPhone headphones. She looked upset, but I just said, "oh I didn't know you were home" she didn't say a word... I got in the shower. Tried to appear happy, smiling and kissing baby after shower (that was real happiness). I got dressed and as I was leaving seamed rude to just go without a word so I smiled sorta and waved my hand as if to say goodbye. Went ate lunch now sitting by park listening to music, feel good I guess, this is challenging. BTW and I know this is a ways away if it ever happens, but what if she pulls her regular, we can date crap. She usually does that to pull me neat then kicks the holy crap outa me when I've let my guard down... What should I say? I need time? I need to reevaluate what "I" want out of this relationship. And decline any date type stuff?
I got dressed and as I was leaving seamed rude to just go without a word so I smiled sorta and waved my hand as if to say goodbye
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No need for this.
Quote:
BTW and I know this is a ways away if it ever happens, but what if she pulls her regular, we can date crap. She usually does that to pull me near then kicks the holy crap outa me when I've let my guard down... What should I say? I need time? I need to reevaluate what "I" want out of this relationship. And decline any date type stuff?
Agree with her, say to her if you feel you neeed to date to make yourself happy then by all means do so. Say When your ready to make that decision you will do what's best for you
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
...She says we will probably get along better after the divorce, and maybe we will get back together some day. It seems unlikely, but she says it's not impossible. Today she told me her whole family hates her because I told them my story... BTW the truth! They disagree with her and she is furious that they may think she's a cold person to me and our kids for walking out on me. She actually asked me to tell our kids and everyone else that the reason WE decided to end the marriage was because we wanted different things. I told her, I filed because she was not faithful and I felt helpless, because she refused to try. She was FURIOUS! Sorry, but I refuse to lie so she feels better about what she did!
I truly don't think I'll ever have a chance based on her current thinking, she says it'll never be the same between us! Advise me what to do now?
When she says that the two of you will get along better after divorce, I would say something like
".... Yeah maybe you're right, I guess we'll see"
And just smile.
When she says things like this to you, it's a test, pretty much everything she does to you right now is a test, she's hurt you, beaten you down, and she's continuing to see what more she can do to you, she wants to prove to herself subconsciously that you're a weak male and not the right partner for her.
Stop letting what she does affect you so much. She wants out, point to the nearest exit, if she needs help, open the door for her like a gentleman.
It is time for you to view this as her loss, if she wants a divorce so badly, let her divorce you, let her go, let her do the work required to legally divorcing you, if she tries to take advantage of you and steal from you, and leave you homeless and penniless, stop her by protecting yourself, not by arguing with her. Get yourself a lawyer, a damn good one and let him work for you, make him work for you, you don't pay several thousands of dollars to a lawyer just to push paper and give you documents to sign, let him fight for you, tell him what you want and tell him that you don't care how he does it, just that you want him to do it, if he says he can't do it then tell him to find you another lawyer who can do it, stop taking NO for an answer.
This isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of something new for you if you are willing to embrace this as an opportunity for something better in your life.
Everytime your wife tests you, smile at her and tell her to go get a degree in education, to become a teacher, get a class of students and she can test them all day long because you're kind of tired of the all the testing she's been putting you through, you can do it but you've decided that it's no longer worth the time and effort on your part to jump through all the hoops she puts in front of you to make her happy.
Thanks but no thanks ;-)
It's time for you to man up, I think you can do it, in fact I'm pretty sure you can, you just need a really hard push to get off your a$$ and really do it.
I guess this is my first official day of getting my head out of my rear... I hope I don't slip as I think my time is limited. I work 3rd shift, went to bed today at 830a got up noonish, She is usually home then to put baby down and get ready for work. I saw she was on the couch watching TV and listening to her Iphone headphones. She looked sad, but all I said was, "oh I didn't know you were home", she didn't say anything. I hopped in the shower, got out and dressed then tried to appear upbeat and happy, kissed and played with baby a couple minutes and left. As I left I didn't want to seem too rude, so I just smiled and waved as if to say I was going. She said nothing. She hasn't been texting much, but when she does its usually just about kids. Today she texted to return a movie and later thanked me for doing so, I didn't respond. Her most recent text, she knew I was in car with kids and said, "Joey wanted to listen to music in van". ??? Of course I did not respond. To what extent do I respond regarding kids... I hate texting by the way, but would rather not talk now actually. Also she wants to proceed quickly through to divorce, saying she just wants to move on. Do I stall or just do it?
If she asks for a hug what do I say? Is being friends with or hanging with other women a no no?
Ok so I leave work early go home shower dress and head out, she doesn't ask anything or say anything really. I went out and had breakfast alone, sad. But I did ok. On the way to the restaraunt, wife texted me telling me I could just take the four kids to their first Sunday School this Sunday. She said since she will have had the kids the majority of the next two days. Not so, but I didn't argue, just said, "yea that's ok, I was actually going to tell you I wanted to just take them alone." I get there and a group of bikers from varying Chapters begins to meet up there. They were all Christian biker groups. I thought God was giving me a sign that he was with me. They did pray in the parking lot before leaving, I thought about asking for them to pray for us, but thought it seemed selfish. Just thought that was weird. I guess I'm just rambling. Anyway seems like my lack of contact is just what she wanted, she seems ok mostly. It sucks! But I have not slipped yet I don't think, we wouldn't talk at all if not for our babies. Trying to focus on me, but dang it's a tough task. Trying to stay busy. I swear the lady hates me!
