Today is my day without kids, I am going to a cookout with work buddies. I'm suppose to not sleep at home, but I don't have anywhere to sleep yet. I will find a place or get a hotel room, just hate this setup. Just passing by eachother, not even like friends... Strangers... Well she is to me I guess.
When should I ask her if she would accompany me for a Retrouvaille weekend? In order to sell it, I may just tell her I think it's important for us to attend either way the outcome goes to ensure a better relationship for the kids. Is that wise or do you think she will just focus on the friendship aspect?
Retrouvaille is a good idea. There's no right way to ask someone to go. I used to try to punish my husband with NC and I think it was his favorite time of the marriage. "Hooray! I don't have to talk to her." So it was a waste of my time. We used to be able to just reach her hands across the bed at night and say, "Do you want to be friends?" and end a rough patch that way.
If your wife is involved in a PA with another man, Retrouvaille won't help you. It only works when there is no third party in the marriage. So you have to know if she has a boyfriend or not. Whether she goes to get along after the marriage or to save the marriage doesn't make much difference. The Retrouvaille people are skilled at dealing with uncommitted partners. But they can't break through someone in love with a third party.
Yes, I've been dark for 3 days... Out GAL now... Feels good not being around her. She has been getting angry texting about not doing as much around the house (I stopped doing 75% of everything). She has been trying to argue alot and has just threatened to get her own place.... I say GO ahead... Didn't say that BTW.
Yes, I've been dark for 3 days... Out GAL now... Feels good not being around her. She has been getting angry texting about not doing as much around the house (I stopped doing 75% of everything). She has been trying to argue alot and has just threatened to get her own place.... I say GO ahead... Didn't say that BTW.
You will read how certain people say things like "His/Her Kung-Fu is strong"
You should agree with her and shift that momentum back towards her and say "I think you're right".
She has been trying to argue alot and has just threatened to get her own place.... I say GO ahead... Didn't say that BTW
You should have SAID it not thought it. It will show her you will be OK if she leaves.
Next time she says it. YOu say: I would gladly help you pack your bags
It works, I have seen it first hand. My neighbor even packed her bag for her and left it in the badrooom in case she ever said that again.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Had a great time last night! Stayed at a hotel for the night and slept well. Woke up to her texts good morning and apologizing for talking smack about the work around the house. I didn't respond. I got home at 10a picked up the baby, she told me she had given baths, kid related stuff. I changed the baby and left. She texted saying she did all the laundry and asked if I'd switch the load. I said yes and said Thank You BTW... Regarding doing the house work.
Today is her appt for the counselor (might as well call it IC), not sure if she even went, but she left at the time she should have. I returned home after she said she'd left.
I got my call returned from a man regarding Retrouvaille. I told I wasn't sure If she'd be willing to go. He said give her my number and I'll speak with her. She seemed to be in a good mood, so I called her on the phone. I asked if if she'd be will to go, she mentioned she thought her sister had mentioned it, and then she asked what I told them. I told her I dif not discuss us, just the program. She said she was not interested. I asked if she would at least call the guy, she said no. I told her, why don't you take the number down and think about it. She said no, I just want it over. She was crying and said I always put her on the spot. ??? Idk what that meant.
I did buy her a book for our anniversary last week, How to Make a Marriage Last... Written by couple married for 30-50 years. I know now I shouldn't have, she said she would read it then said she wouldn't. I threw it in the trash can later with the card I gave her. She brought that up on the phone asked why I did that and that it was hers and she might read it someday. I told her I thought you didn't want it. Then she asked if I spent the night at another girls house last night, I told her no I wouldn't do that to you. So she refused Retro and we hung up. She texted after, I'm sorry.
I just get a feeling she's not being open, so I texted her, I don't care what you've done, I forgive you. And left the number for the guy at Retro. A few minutes later, she asked what the program was called again and where it was. I told her. We texted. I told her to have a good day and please don't cry.
After noon, probably following her appt, she texted, I'm not crying.. I was just wondering what it was called again... Sorry for crying... U have a good day too... Let me know when u sign up for that class (co-parenting). So she appears to be still wanting it over, since she wants to attend that class mandatory to proceed to divorce.
I haven't talked to her much, but I had to ask about Retro... As the earlier person suggested, there is no right time. I only discussed that and dropped it. I fear she has made her mind up and doesn't want to talk to anyone, go to anything, or even consider listening to reason, because she DOESN'T want anything to change her mind. Feeling HOPELESS.
The first part of your post was great. See how she was doing things for you and letting you know she did them?
Then you go and backslide when you brought up the stuff about Retro. She said no and you STILL insisted she take the number.
You did put her on the spot and pressured her. Listen to what sees saying to you. NO MORE TALK ABOUT RETROUVILE
Pressure is bad, validating and listening is good.
Lay low and don't talk about the R any more.
Be the better option.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
