Is it bad to be envious of his state of mind and bettering sitch?
Bad? Your ego is telling you, "I will be happy if only...". It isn't making you happy
Your ego is useful. It helps you make plans, helps you learn from the past, but it's lying to you about being really happy. You can be happy right now just by not identifying with your ego and your fear.
Where your ego can help you: your marriage will not improve if a few things don't happen.
1. Your wife needs to let go of her affair: no contact, no totems or trophies.
2. You don't respect yourself enough to set clear boundaries and enforce them (e.g. No Contact, no sweatshirt). You are to the enforcing them point, so you need to make decissions about how you are going to enforce your boundaries. Initiating divorce, initiating short-selling your house and asking her to find her own living arrangements while you do the same? These are things to discuss in MC).
3. If you aren't happy, it won't improve either.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/22/1004:39 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
You have to be able to live in the only real time that there ever is: NOW. The past and the future do not ever actually exist. The past is filtered memories, the future is hopeful or fearful fantasy, but the only time you can DO anything is NOW, and the trick to letting go is that you have to be aware of who you are when your ego is silent, when the demons of your unconscious mind have been put to rest, and when you are just living in the NOW, when you are just "being".
Over this past year as I've finally started really letting go, I have felt this very thing happening, more and more. I'm happy just hanging by myself sometimes, I don't fear the future, and I don't beat the dead horse of the past any more. It's a good thing.
When dealing with emotions, don’t ignore it, avoid it, dismiss it, and especially don't suppress the emotions. Instead, we acknowledge it’s existence, and take note of what it is trying to tell you and move along by responding to the message in an objective manner.
Yes they are. But the negative emotions are all rooted in fear.
Quote:
When dealing with emotions, don’t ignore it, avoid it, dismiss it, and especially don't suppress the emotions. Instead, we acknowledge it’s existence, and take note of what it is trying to tell you and move along by responding to the message in an objective manner.
I use the comparrison of a demon for the negative emotional patterns for a reason: if you fight a demon, you make it stronger. The way to overcome the demon is just to recognize it for what it is and not identify with it. I feel angry. I am not Anger. Feeling the anger is like "watching" it It is not who I am.
So basically, yes. No stuffing feelings, no ignoring them, etc.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 09/22/1005:01 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Dogs got me up EARLY this AM. Just as well because we have to get their walk done before the painter gets here to look at the house so that he can get back to me with an estimate for painting the exterior trim and shutters.
Getting ready for Hot Springs trip today. I went to pick out some new clothes last night at the mall. Met W there, and we walked over and ate at the food court together.
Lots to do today with work, domestic stuff, trip prep, and so on. I'll try to keep up
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Feeling the anger is like "watching" it