Quotes Found on Divorce Busting (III)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Thanks, R2C!!!

[Ready2Change]

Original Thread

Ok Rob,I'm totally on your page now, she's just texted me about a nice apartment she has seen, She's going to come back home and want to talk about it, I think ww3 is going to break out in this house tonight.......

It's very simple, text her back, tell her:

"Good luck with the apartment, I hope it's something you like and it's something you can afford on your own because you need to realize that I won't be paying for it and also because that's where YOU will be living, I don't plan on swapping homes with you anytime soon. If you need help packing your things I can help by bringing some boxes home from work along with some packing tape, etc."

You don't throw in crap about being hurt and betrayed, you don't saying anything about doing this to get back at her. You just don't want to live with someone who could cheat on you, as far as you're concerned, you have decided that the relationship is over and it's time for both of you to move on.

That's how you start to let her go. You don't wait for tonight, don't wait for WW3 or WW4, just do it now. Instead of building anxiety within yourself over this issue all day long anticipating and fearing confrontation, give her something to deal with all day.

Do NOT wait, do it now.

[Ready2Change]

Original Thread Containing Quote

"Yes, I would like you to move out as soon as possible."

Starting this month, tally up the bills, mortgage, taxes, utilities, you name it and let her know how much she is required to start paying if she continues to live there. Also tally up the time you spend babysitting while she's out bar hopping and living the single life.

She may start to argue, may attempt to make you feel guilty, don't fall for it. You just tell her plain and simple, you made the decision to cheat on me and you want to end the marriage, I'm fine with that, however, you can't continue living here as if we're still married, I plan on getting a roommate to replace you but while you're still here and haven't found an apartment yet, these are the expenses a roommate is expected to pay. I will also no longer be your baby sitter, you will be required to spend the same amount of time that I currently spend with the kids, I won't watch the children 5 nights a week for you. If you have a problem with any of this, too bad, it's just one of the many consequences of cheating on your husband.

And that's that.

[Ready2Change]

Original thread containing quote

I've read so many threads here by Coach, Puppy, and Sandi2 that talk about leading, attractiveness, and making changes for you. I feel that's what I'm trying to do not for her but for me. I have made a choice that I want to be happy. I've told my W the same and said I hope you'll come along for the ride.

good job on the positive changes. Try not to make grand pronouncements to your wife about them, as they'll only come across as pursuing. Just LIVE THEM, and, trust me, she will notice.

[Ready2Change]

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Her money quote last night was "Why can't we just have a normal conversation?"

...Do you know what a normal conversation is? Your wife has given you big hints.

Your wife wants to know all about you (intomesee). Work, family, hobbies, friends, goals, plans, travel, fun, kids, ideas, stories, exercise, health, spiritual, what you are learning - get it? You want affection then give her what she needs. Let her in to your life. It works.

[Ready2Change]

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Now detach, move on, live a great life without her. This is her loss not yours, if she doesn't realize this well then you know what kind of spouse you had anyways so you didn't lose anything.

[Ready2Change]

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...My wise mother told me at the start of my sitch that I would come out of it a strong women with empathy and understanding for others. Our human failings and strengths are shaping and fine-tuning us each day and helping us reach our God-given potential.

It IS a journey and every step is a lesson from which we should derive something. Lots of "teachable" and "learnable" moments. Although perhaps we would still like to cut this particular class...

[Ready2Change]

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"Now you are smothering me. The only thing I can think of is that I need time and space and I HOPE that my feeling will change in a few months. I want them to, but I can't help what I feel".What's next?

Go sentence by sentence, she is telling you exactly what she wants - it is how she feels. A man wants to fix this by explaining her feelings to her and why she should just feel another way (invalidating).

So how does a man change how his woman feels?
Answer- Give her what she wants. Agree with her.

Stop smothering her, give her space and time, her feelings are her feelings - let her know you understand it's OK she feels that way. She wants the "feeling" back - she wants to be attracted to you.

[Ready2Change]

Quote found in this post

You need to say something.

"Wife, I know this is stressful for you. Next time you $!tch at me about nothing I will let you finish up on your own. If I see you need help I will jump in. That being said, "How can I help you in the morning so that things run smoother?"

Don't put up with CB.

[Ready2Change]

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"H, I know this is hard for you to believe, but you've really helped me in my work. The things you did, they made me face reality. I was so angry at you at you at the time, but I later realized you were doing the right things. When I see these other wives acting like I did, I encourage the husbands to call them on their sh*t,

She even needed you to do it after she acknowledged it. (Testing)

Then the dams blew open. She started trying to justify what she did. She said "You are sticking to the idea that I cheated on you." I said "W, you did cheat on me." She said "I know what I did was wrong, but technically, I didn't cheat on you." I said "Yeah, you did." She said "I admit I emotionally cheated on you. I shouldn't have started anything with OM until after we were separated, but I didn't feel like we were married any more." The tired old standard argument. I said "W, the way you behaved during our last year living together was a disgrace. You enjoyed whatever benefits you wanted from our marriage, while keeping me in the dark about what was really going on."

I was getting VERY angry at this point. She started rewriting history, leading to us arguing about it. She said "I told you I didn't have hope for us, we were sleeping in separate beds most of the time. You shouldn't have held onto hope." Then she started on the whole "OM had nothing to do with it" argument. She said "Even if OM was never in the picture, we'd be right here where we are." I said "Yeah, we probably would have separated, but without all the destruction." She looked down and said "I know." Then she said "I was suicidal. OM was keeping me from the edge. What I needed you couldn't give me." I was livid, and stood up and said "Ok, I'm done" and I started walking out. She said "Please don't go." I said "Why?" She pleaded "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please stay and talk." It was the first real remorse I ever saw in her. She looked sad and said "Why do you even want me anymore?"

The following day W sent me an e-mail that said she's scared. She's scared of trying, of not trying, of getting hurt again.

She wants to know if you are scared.

I was livid, and stood up and said "Ok, I'm done" and I started walking out. She said "Please don't go." I said "Why?" She pleaded "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please stay and talk." It was the first real remorse I ever saw in her.

Look at the result you got. Do what works.



Yes, you are leading. Read her cues.