Thanks for the time UST. Greatly appreciated. Not sure how to quote from a different thread, so I will try to do it the old fashioned way.
"I'm also the worst db-er ever to grace these boards. i have done nothing except to work on me. that's about all i can do when i have zero, nada, zippo contact with my stbxh."
I must be even worse than you, because I don't even feel like I have done too much to work on myself. I mean I am spending more time with my kids and I have read some books and am trying to be more sensitive, validating, but I don't know if I have done enough. My DR book is buried in a box somewhere since the move and I have yet to find it back. Since I have moved, the only contact I have with W is regarding the kids and then I am only cordial. This is going nowhere. It has been 6 weeks, do I just keep on the same way or change tactics and become more friendly? I don't think she wants friendly....
"what would you do if you got a match? you have to be careful. you're better off figuring out what you are looking for before doing this."
I guess I'm just looking to meet some new women and see what they have to offer. I haven't really done this before since I met W when I was only 20 and was basically afraid of women at that time. Many profiles say they aren't looking for anything serious, at least right away and I think as long as you are up front about your situation, this shouldn't be a problem. There are many that I have seen that won't even consider it until the D is final.
"you won't get the great girl if you aren't the 'great' guy you are."
I totally agree with this and like I said, I am usually in a good place. I can be somewhat charming anyway and most of my friends think I am pretty funny. I only get this way from time to time and I don't think I project it, except with friends, and even that is getting better.
"Ahhhh......sandwiches!"
Just had to throw that one in for fun!!!!
"i'm not divorced yet but i don't see myself being available to date. but it sounds to me like you aren't either."
Why do you think that? Someone else said they thought I sounded good to go. Sure I miss W sometimes, but isn't there a quote that says, "The best way to get over a guy is to get under another one."? Wouldn't that alo be true in reverse? I suppose this is also known as the dreaded "rebound relationship". How the hell do you ever know when it's the right time?
"nobody is judging you or calling you pathetic."
I think STBX is. Or at least I called her pathetic because of her constant lying to me about her relationship with OM. After she blew-up on me in January and I tried to change the things she asked me to and was distraught over the potential loss of our relationship, I WAS pathetic. That is not attractive.
"so you're doing this to get a reaction out of her? think about it."
I don't think I am doing this to get a reaction out of her. I don't care whether she knows or not. I am doing this for my own well being. I need to figure out how to connect with some single women. I have great relationships with a few women, but they are already married, so that doesn't help a whole lot with what I am looking for.
"you know what? you need to do some more work on you before you can put yourself out there. what have you done for you? what have you done to make yourself the best guy in WI?"
Got any suggestions? I have read a lot of books and I was working out for a while, but that really isn't me and I don't want to change into someone I am not in order to attract someone new. W is working out like crazy and has reduced herself to skin and bones. She looks terrible. I think I am being a better Dad than I was, but on the flipside, I am not as good of an employee as I was either. There are always trade-offs. Without being around W or other women, it is tough to see whether or not I have changed much.
I was at a wedding last Friday night and there were a lot of girls there, but they really were girls. I talked with them a little bit, but I felt like the creepy old guy, so I gave up and hung out with the bride's mom and dad. Smoked cigars and drank beer.
This post is probably getting WAY TOO LONG for anyone but us to read, so I guess I will cut it off here.
Thanks for your help and I am always open to specific suggestions!
Easiest way, hit quote button on the bottom, instead of reply and eliminate(delete) text you do not want.
Second way copy text the way you are and hit 5th button from the right which will give you [quote][/quote I am leaving out last bracket, paste text between brackets.
Third way is to type above in manually [quote] ..text..[/quote .....(again last bracket missing).
You can use the preview button to see what your post will look like before you submit it.
If you want the persons name in the quote box use[quote=DAN F]...TEXT...[/quote....(again last bracket missing).
