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You guys/gals will love this one. So I got on Match.com and found a couple very attractive women that lived somewhat closeby my place. I decided to take the plunge and e-mailed them about a week ago. Although their profiles say they are online quite often, none of them has even read my e-mails.
I looked-up match.com scams and there are people who say that match creates "fake" profiles to keep people interested. You can spot them by their lack of specificity in certain areas of their profiles. Guess what? The chicks I emailed are fakes. Big surprise, huh?
Another scam is that women witll contact you and try to establish a relationship. After a while, they will ask you to start sending them $. According to the author of the article, many of these scams originate in Nigeria.
So I was online last week on 2 different evenings and I get winks and instant messages from 4 women. I look them up and their profiles say they are from PA, MA, DC and Chicago. So I start chatting and asking them about their backgrounds and other personal information. I can tell by the way they are pseaking(writing) that they are really not from the US, even though a couple of them told me they were. One says she is origianlly from Romainia. These are the only 4 women I have chatted with and this happens within the first 2 nights I am on Match.
Anyway, long story short, even though their profiles all say they are in the US, they all tell me that they are currently residing in Ghana, Africa! Can you say scam? So I start drilling them with questions and 3 of them bail out right away, but the one from Romainia is sticking in there tough. This is pretty funny, but I'm wondering if I should complain and ask for my money back. Well, just getting started I guess.
I have no plans to go on any dates at the moment.
Sorry U Sexy Thang, I hope you don't think less of me.
D called me today to see if I would print out some pictures of Jupiter for her school project that we have been working on. She said she could get them when she comes here on Wednesday, but I told her I would drop them off tonight, so I stopped there after work.
After discussing the pictures with D, W says that the kids are both going to play basketball this year and the cost is $50 each. How much am I going to pay and how do I want to handle paying for hot lunches?
Taking a page from her book, I told her that I wouldn't pay her any more until the court order was changed. That is what she said about our agreement regarding placement of the kids, even though the mediator said we should change it right away. Then I told her that I was already overpaying her by $800 per month, which is what my atty told me.
Then she got all pissy and said something like, so I am paying for clothes, sports, lunches, blah, blah, blah. I told her if she wanted to change the kids placement arrangement we could talk about the money. She then told me that I have to pay her that much so she can afford to live in the house. I asked her if she thought that was going to continue. She said she didn't know if she was going to live in the house or not and it was only according to me that I was overpaying.
At that point she told me to get out and said "you're always right." I said, "You're always right." Then she said "You're always right about the money."
I left and felt both sad and pissed off on the ride home. I know I didn't handle it right, so I was sad that we fought about it because I don't think that helps me, but at least I stood my ground. I was also pissed about her sense of entitlement.
So, although I knew I shouldn't have done it, I sent her a text that said, "I can't help it, I am just doing what my attorney tells me to do. (normally her excuse). The attorney's know what they are doing. I pay you 3 times what you make in a month. To say that you are paying for all of this stuff is a complete joke. You've certainly got some sense of entitlement going on."
This whole thing just makes me mad.
We haven't talked much since I moved out, but on Sunday she sent me a text asking if I had the manuals for the lawn tractor and snow blower that she kept, which I don't. Then she said "Stooopid Packers." because they had blown a play in the game that they eventually lost. We used to love to watch the Packers together and even had a lot of what we referred to as "Packer sex" during the games. That was always fun! Anyway, not sure if that was an attempt to connect or what, but I just replied, "No, I don't have the manuals."
Ok, well this is getting interesting. I guess we'll just wait see what happens next. I was going to ask her what her plans were for the house, but thought I'd forget about it. I'm guessing that we are going to have to see the judge to get this sh!t settled.
Just ignore the winks and mails from far-away. They are almost certainly not what they claim to be!
Some of the scams post the exact same profile under different pictures! I think Match has gotten better at weeding them out, at least I don't see them as often.
Read the profiles for specifics, and yes, decent English! And when you write, make sure it's clear that you have read the profile, and are not just sending a cut and paste job.
After discussing the pictures with D, W says that the kids are both going to play basketball this year and the cost is $50 each. How much am I going to pay and how do I want to handle paying for hot lunches?
I've had that conversation with my spouse, too...maybe there's a shared playbook between them???
There's no way to win when a compromise isn't desired. Do you agree with the kids playing B'Ball? Are you able to pay?
If you can pay anything, this isn't a normal expense. The kids will lose their sport for your lawyer to win, and eventually, you. That won't help your R any.
If you can't, you can't. Blaming the lawywer doesn't accept your responsibility in this, but it does provide a bit of a boundary for her.
Thanks for the feedback OMT. It is easy to lose sight of what is right in these types of situations.
I'm not sure that anything will help this R and it is all a no win. I don't feel I need to "win" in any part of this situation, but I AM tired of her thinking that she just gets whatever she wants. I have let her operate that way for our entire relationship pretty much because I make enough that we could afford it and I wanted her to be happy, which didn't happen anyway. She is only working part-time and refuses to go back full-time. If she needs more money, she needs to work more.
I do agree with the kids playing basketball, and I could probably afford to pay, but so can she. I was lucky enough to get a sweetheart deal on rent, but that won't last and I feel that I HAVE accepted my responsibility as I am already paying her $3,200 per month (half my income) in "Family Support". That should be plenty to cover all of the expenses for everyone in the household. Plus, she still gets all of the money she earns. The $3,200 was an amount my atty advised that I agree to, which I did, and then my atty told me that she made a mistake in recommending I agree to that much and I was paying around $800 per month more than a "standard" agreement would have me pay. I need to pay for my W and kids to live, but I have to be able to live too. I have my own bills to pay.
I'm going to have to look-up what "normal" expenses are, because she is asking me to pay for 1/2 of basically everything. I have told her in the past that I would pay based on the percentage of the time that I have the kids. Right now, that is 36% of the time, but considering that I am already overpaying by such a large amount, I have decided that I will pay nothing extra until the court order is changed.
The temporary order gives me placement of the children on Wednesday nights and every other Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. We went to a mediation session for the placement of the kids and the mediator told us if we could come to an agreement, we should implement it right away. We agreed that I would have the kids Wednesday and Thursday nights and every Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday day. They go back to their moms on Sun evening. However, she is refusing to abide by the agreement until the court order is changed, against the advice of the child mediator. The only change is that I get the kids on Thursday night too and give-up every other Sunday night. What's the big deal? The big deal is that all of the payment requirements will be reviewed at that time. Thus my stance on not changing until the court order is changed.
I don't believe that the kids will lose their sports. She will cave in and pay. If not, I consider them losing their sport a consequence of her decision to divorce. Also, it would only be for one season, because this should be settled before too much longer, I hope!
There I go defending myself again! I always do that. I actually did throw in an I'm sorry you feel that way into the conversation with W last night. First time for everything!
Sorry U Sexy Thang, I hope you don't think less of me.
no dan, i don't think less of you. besides, does it matter what i think?
sorry i have been absent from your thread.
i am trying to catch up. i think you could be ready but as long as you don't let thoughts of w creep in too often, and you're not trying to get a reaction out of her. i think you're good.
i also don't believe in "getting under someone to get over your ex". that to me, says you're trying to get a reaction out of them .. there is an underlying sense of "getting back at your ex". that isn't fair to the person you are meeting.
lastly, be careful. you don't want to catch something from someone who isn't serious.
UST. <- love my new name.
p.s. i am trying to stay out of threads that talk about $$. it's a sore spot with me.
Sorry U Sexy Thang, I hope you don't think less of me.
no dan, i don't think less of you. besides, does it matter what i think?
To me, it does matter somewhat what people think of me. I don't let it rule me, but I am what you say I am and if people think badly of me, I must be doing the wrong things. I try very hard to be a good person and do the right thing.
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
sorry i have been absent from your thread.
No need to be sorry. You don't owe me anything. I am grateful for the time you DO give me.
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
i also don't believe in "getting under someone to get over your ex". that to me, says you're trying to get a reaction out of them .. there is an underlying sense of "getting back at your ex". that isn't fair to the person you are meeting.
I don't really believe that either. That is just my MACHO self talking big. I'm getting to the point where I am not sure that I really do care about W anymore. 10 months of this has taken it's toll and if she wants to be done, fine. I am ready to move on too. Her loss.
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
UST. <- love my new name.
Me too!!!
Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
p.s. i am trying to stay out of threads that talk about $$. it's a sore spot with me.
Ok. As you can tell, it is a sore spot with me also. She wants to leave and says she doesn't care about the money, but she has no issues continuing to live off of me while refusing to put in her best effort to support herself and then continues to ask for more? UFB!
You can skip those posts or just tell me I'm being an a$$hole if that is what you think. I do appreciate your insights and wouldn't want to lose your support due to a few $ posts.
no dan, i don't think less of you.