How to tell the kids

[idontunderstand]

If there is a communication issue, problems build. Me and W had a BIG communication issue, but it didn't drive me over the edge, only her. Why?

Doesn't communication seem to be a common thread in almost every sitch? As far as why, it seem the WAS is usually a woman when communication is the problem. We all know men don't open up as easily as women. Women know it, too. It's one of our traits that we need you (our W) to constantly help us with. It doesn't necessarily mean we don't want to, just that we're not really sure how.

By God, we're learning how important it is now.

This is a 2-way street, but only one bailed out. However, I am getting to that point myself now.

Yep, it does go both ways. "His needs, her needs." What seems so simple and intuitive in the beginning gets more difficult as life happens. Now that we (LBS) understand, we want the chance to prove it.

$hit happens. Life happens. Roll with the changes. Learn and grow. I don't know why certain ones bail and other don't.

I think I'm getting close, too. I don't want to be the one to give up and bail. Sometimes, it feels like I'm being set up to do just that.

There I go with my damn feelings again.

[DumpedforMIL]

Hmmm…….So is your advice safe then? Ha ha ha ha ha

haha .. i dunno. i try to sound more level headed when i post on other people's sitches. i mean, it's easier to give advice than to follow.

but for the record, i am the worst db-er on this board.

I wonder that a lot myself. I thought we were forever. Our friends can't believe this is happening. To them, we were one of the best couples they know.

i know. so many have said that they never expected this to happen to us. or as one of my friends said "you were the elite. people aspired to be like you two."

We seemed like best friends. I don’t hate her, but I don’t want to be her friend either. I’m not sure if that is from a punishing her or self-preservation standpoint. If she doesn’t want me, I’m out and finding someone else to spend my emotions on.

and that's the sad part. you were best friends and now you can't sit in the same room as that person. like what happened? did i skip a chapter in this book?

I meant starting over from a financial perspective. We will have no equity to roll into a new home. We will likely both be renting for a while trying to save-up down payment money. It will be like buing a first home again.

you'll get there. i have faith in you. if you stick with the boards, there will always be a cheerleader here to carry you through the rough times. we may not be as good as a 'sandwich' but a calzone can sometimes be viewed as a sandwich, right?

My line on this one is: She continues to get the benefit of my $ because of her investment in the marriage, but what do I get for MY investment? Is she going to come over and clean my house? Is she going to get on her back a couple of times per week? Why does anyone, especially the WAS, continue to get benefits from a dissolved marriage. Like I said, I will willingly pay for my kids, but not for her. This was her choice.

oh i hear ya. i'm the odd ball .. as soon as my h said we're done. i didn't ask for a penny. i didn't even take advantage of his dental/health insurance. i paid my own way. as soon as we were done, nothing. but that was my choice.

now we just have to find out how to combat the anger. You have to let it go. You are your own wonderful person and you can have a GREAT life without him.

i can't see the forest for the trees. i am able to see things from a different perspective. and it has me stuck. my sister tried to convince me that there are people worse off out there and here i am, angry to the point where i'm about to pop a vein. over what? because i can't afford marble countertop in my home? i need to get my head screwed on straight. look how that sounds. and i'm losing sleep and appetite over this.

do you have any advice to help me get over this hump? why am i wasting my energy on him? why is it so important for me to one up him? because he dropped the bomb and i didn't.

Me.

[Onthemountaintop]

It is really rough, eh? Only God knows what our future holds...but our hard work is what will get us toward a soul purification or eternal bitterness.

Choose the best route always, Dan...and my prayers for you.

[DanF]

UST,

Not sure why, but I can't find your thread.

Is anyone else having issues with this site responding ridiculously slowly at times? I can type whole sentences before they ever show-up on the screen.

[DumpedforMIL]

i don't usually draw attention to my thread. i'm in the separated forum.

[soleil]

Yep, that happens to me sometimes, too. It's odd. Or it takes forever for the pages to load, and sometimes they don't at all.

[DanF]

So, after the argument with W on Monday night, I pick-up the kids at school today and take them back to mom's te get their stuff and they tell me that Mom has a new bed. she mentioned that she had been looking on craigslist for a while.

Kids say, yeah, she has a new bed, go look at it. So I go upstairs and she has a new bedroom set. Where did she get it I ask? Kids say, I don't know, the furniture store.

So after asking me to pay for hot lunches, clothes and whatever else she believes isn't covered by "Family Support", and complaining when I say no, she still has enough money to go buy a new bedroom set while I am buying all my stuff used on Craigslist and have borrowed a bed from my brother? Isn't she a peach.

I hate the b!tch.

[40andsadintexas]

I know how you feel. Amazing how fast emotions can change.

[DumpedforMIL]

oh danf. don't get worked up over it. it might be infested with bed bugs. it's all the rage now.

UST

[DanF]

its brand new. no bed bugs


It's brand new! Ya, she needs MORE money.

I felt rage for a while, but i'm over it.

Thanks UST!