She dropped the bomb last week by accident. Now we're in the process of a "break" we're in the same house, separate beds. I am just now starting to try the Last Resort method. We are getting along now that I am not crying and chasing. One thing though should I still say I love you when she drops me at work and when we go to bed or should I stop that.
i don't say it like needy etc.. I just say "good night I love you" then go to bed if shes in the room Im in. She doesnt cringe or anything and says it back.
I think we need to know more information, like what caused her to drop the bomb. What were the reasons. How old are the two of you, kids, how long married, etc.
It will help to get an idea of your sitch.
sorry that you find yourself here.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Welcome. You've come to a good place here. You will get support.
Don't worry about saying ILY. It is just not that important right now. You are a LONG way from last resort techniques.
Tell us more about your situation. Add a sigature about youe stats.
Be patient. Be quiet. Don't bring up the relationship.
Give us the whole scoop.
Last edited by NotFromThesePart; 10/14/1009:27 PM.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
She dropped the bomb last week by accident. Now we're in the process of a "break" we're in the same house, separate beds. I am just now starting to try the Last Resort method. We are getting along now that I am not crying and chasing. One thing though should I still say I love you when she drops me at work and when we go to bed or should I stop that.
i don't say it like needy etc.. I just say "good night I love you" then go to bed if shes in the room Im in. She doesnt cringe or anything and says it back.
thoughts?
typically the bomb is described as....
"I love you but I'm not in love with you"
"I don't love you anymore, I want a divorce"
"I'm having an affair with the entire offensive line-up on team XXX" (fill in your favorite football)
etc. etc. etc.
Usually when your spouse drops the bomb, it's an indication that they feel like they DON'T love you anymore, so telling them that you "love" them is usually counter-productive.
On Monday Oct 4th I get a weird text from her that says
"I am in agony. I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt him I know he loves me"
I knew immediately what that meant and I logged in to our cellphone records and she had been blowing up a strange number for days with texts. I called her she told me she wanted a divorce. I went home and we talked. SHe said "She loves me, YOur awesome etc, I just feel like I married the wrong person" I asked her you mean you dont love me like a husband and she said no I love you like that but your not the right guy"
She said shes tried for a long time to get me to do stuff to fix this but I never responded or would stop. This is true.
She said shes not having an affair that the guy is just a friend. I have verified some of that but its obviously an emotional affair. The guy is everything she wanted to be but he's 22. So I think thats the big thing....
We have a 10 year old son. She just turned 38 on Monday. Married 10 years.
There so much more to write but its hard for me. I'll write more later.
On Monday Oct 4th I get a weird text from her that says
"I am in agony. I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt him I know he loves me"
I knew immediately what that meant and I logged in to our cellphone records and she had been blowing up a strange number for days with texts. I called her she told me she wanted a divorce. I went home and we talked. SHe said "She loves me, YOur awesome etc, I just feel like I married the wrong person" I asked her you mean you dont love me like a husband and she said no I love you like that but your not the right guy"
She said shes tried for a long time to get me to do stuff to fix this but I never responded or would stop. This is true.
She said shes not having an affair that the guy is just a friend. I have verified some of that but its obviously an emotional affair. The guy is everything she wanted to be but he's 22. So I think thats the big thing....
We have a 10 year old son. She just turned 38 on Monday. Married 10 years.
There so much more to write but its hard for me. I'll write more later.
And...dropped the bomb on accident makes it sound like she has planned this for a while but was waiting till later to drop the bomb. Classic WAS.
People are here to help and you've already got one of the vets here in Robx interested, so tell everyone the details.
You can get support here
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
On Monday Oct 4th I get a weird text from her that says
"I am in agony. I dont know what to do. I dont want to hurt him I know he loves me"
I knew immediately what that meant and I logged in to our cellphone records and she had been blowing up a strange number for days with texts. I called her she told me she wanted a divorce. I went home and we talked. SHe said "She loves me, YOur awesome etc, I just feel like I married the wrong person" I asked her you mean you dont love me like a husband and she said no I love you like that but your not the right guy"
She said shes tried for a long time to get me to do stuff to fix this but I never responded or would stop. This is true.
She said shes not having an affair that the guy is just a friend. I have verified some of that but its obviously an emotional affair. The guy is everything she wanted to be but he's 22. So I think thats the big thing....
We have a 10 year old son. She just turned 38 on Monday. Married 10 years.
There so much more to write but its hard for me. I'll write more later.
B.S. B.S. B.S.
I want to have a fling w/22 yr old. That is essentially what W is saying to you. So - YOU make the decision as to what comes next. Whether that is: W, end all contact w/22 yr old & commit to M OR W, you're right, this doesn't work, pack your $hit & go. Pick one.
My sitch, I've been in limbo for 13+ months, dim/nc for 7. What I should have said was: H, pack your $hit & have at OW.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
Listen to Robx. I've read some of his stuff, and he's really smart on these things. I know it seems like the opposite of what you should do, but in my sitch, it wasn't until I started agreeing with my wife and saying "you're right; I don't think this is working for me either" that she started coming back towards our marriage.
