Picked-up the kids from school on Friday and had to stop by W's again to get their "stuff". I was on the phone with a friend the entire time. Kids ran in, came back out and Mom followed. They put their stuff in the car, she said goodbye to them and we left.
Kids played video games and then D and I ran out to grab some take-out. On the way, we stopped and looked at the house we may be moving to. It is a brand new, 3 br, raised ranch that is pretty nice and only 4 miles from our current house. After dinner D and I played scrabble while S continued to play video games. It is just about all he wants to do.
Sat morning we had D's soccer game. Since I had the kids, I got there first and stood with some other parents. W showed-up shortly after the game started and set-up her chair next to me. She said hi to S, but not me. When D came off the field, I walked to the other side to talk to her about her play and S tagged alond, leaving W alone. I have spent some time on the sideline with the coach, so I stayed on the opposite side of the field. We were responsible for snacks, so we stopped before the game and got some. I left them next to W's chair. She texted me to ask if we brought them and I didn't answer. She came over partway through the 2nd half and asked if we had brought them. I said, "yes, they are next to your chair." When game was just about over, I sent S to get them. Handed them out after the game and I asked W if she wanted one. "No". D questioned her and she said that she had a doughnut yesterday. Worrying about what she eats and walking all the time have her looking like a skeleton with loose skin on it. Walked towards the cars together and she said goodbye to the kids when we left. She didn't address me and I didn't address her either.
Had S's soccer 1.5 hours later, so went and got groceries in between. I got to S's game first and stood at midfield where we always set-up. No other parents from our team were there. W showed-up and set up halfway down the line from me. A reaction to me leaving her alone on the other sideline at D's game? She had an extra chair, so D went and sat by her. Another mom finally showed up and sat by W. She asked how I was doing and although I said good, she said I didn't sound convincing. Guess I need to be more upbeat in the future. Last week I was telling one of the dads about all of the fun I have been having and said "I just can't stop partying!" Left the game and W said goodbye to the kids. I didn't say anything to her again.
Kids and I stopped for lunch, took the groceries home and then left for the apple orchard to pick apples. Unfortunately, they were done for the season, so we just bought some cider. We all stopped at the new house again so S could see it. This time we took a walk through the 8 acre woods that are owned by the landlord. There is a small pond that has frogs in it, but I'm not sure about fish. Apparently the neighbor shovels the pond and uses it for ice skating, which could be fun in the winter. The kids are fired-up about playing in the woods! They like the house too, so that is good.
After that, we went to a local state park and did some hiking. This is a 6,000 acre park where a lot of hunting is done. We walked to a couple of duck blinds to look around and saw a pheasant running around. He tried to hide, but we flushed him out and her flew out over the pond. The kids thought that was pretty cool!
Went home and kids played games while I cooked dinner. I cut up some venison into steaks. I used 2 different seasoning and the kids LOVED it! They said that I cook better than Mom. I don't, and I told them that, so they said, well, just as good as Mom. That made me feel pretty good. I even got the kids volunteering put their own dishes in the dishwasher now!
After dinner, we all played a game together and then I did some laundry. In the morning, the kids asked if there was more venison, so we cooked-up some more for breakfast! I'm also making a roast on the grill for dinner.
Kids are now carving pumpkins and D is finishing-up a project for school. Mom texted D a few times yesterday and today to ask what we were up to and sent her a picture of one of the cats. Maybe she is lonely.
Time for football now, so I gotta run.
I'm just wondering if I should be making more small talk with W at these events or if I should just keep going on about my business as if she really isn't even there. The longer this goes on, the more I look back and think that she had this all planned out and took advantage of me to get new furniture and clothes before she filed. I don't know what to think or believe anymore. I'd like to have a date, but I've just been so busy that there doesn't even really seem to be time.
Only you can decide if you want small talk with her. The thought of mine makes me want to puke!!!! I choose no small talk I act like shes not even there. I know this is not how DB's are supposed to act but I don't want her back, and I don't want to be friends so why make small talk with her.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Hey Dan, at the beginning of your thread you suspected a MLC. Has there ever been any sign of an OM? If not, I'd say you have to get rid of any negative feelings and then try to establish a friendship with your W. Whether you engage in small talk or not would depend on where you two are at.
If the chit chat just fuels tension, I'd avoid it. If the negative feelings are fading, I'd try to leverage it into a friendship. Of course if there's an OM in the picture, that's a whole other story.
There was at least an EA with OM. Lots of phone calls and texts. Guy was married and ended up trying to bag another affair that W found out about, so that is off as far as I know.
I am basically trying the "let her go" strategy espoused by Gucci and Robx.
I think you may have a good strategy there. Maybe I should start to try to rekindle a bit when we are together. I won't contact her, but if we happen to be in proximity, perhaps some talk would be good.
I'll have to think about it. We have been separated about 6 weeks now and nothing is changing. If this isn't working, perhaps a change in tactics is appropriate.
I see. It seems to me that if 'letting her go' is your approach at this point, engaging in small talk with her may be giving her an attachment fix and allowing her to avoid experiencing a sense of loss.
On the other hand these moments may be the time to show her your 180's. It depends on what the underlying issues were in your M. I'm sure you'll know what way to go. Good luck.
So is 6 weeks plus too long to stick with the letting her go strategy or do I just continue to do it until the bitter end? I know that for many it has taken many months to be successful.
I just don't know if it is too soon to change tactics.
My problem is I never know which way to go, and when I think I do, it is usually WRONG!!!!
I lost 25 lbs, but have since gained about 10 lbs back.
I've read a bunch of books and have a different attitude about marriage and communication and what her expectations are.
I do a lot more with my kids.
I guess I want to be attractive to her, but at the same time, I do not want to become someone who I am not just to attract her either. Does that make sense?
I am not longer a doormat!
I guess the best answer is to be polite, but to continue to do the things in life that I want or need to do.
