Oh man this is so hard I am working my 180's and they seem to be working. Shes noticing and we've connected a few times. But I am having a hard time giving her space and not begging. I was very strong yesterday and didn't but I keep snooping.
She went to a party last night and it was killing me.
We agreed to a break and no relationship talk until November 6th. My step ddd agrees with everything I am doing and seems to think I should just ignore the dead line and not bring anything up. Just keep working what I am doing.
Also I tend to think that she really doesn't want a divorce. She has done next to no research on divorce and doesnt seem motivated to find much out. The only time she did anything was right after a small tiff we had. I suspect this is her last resrt method of tryng to get some action from me. I dont think shes purposfully lying I believe she feels that way. Just that based on her behaviour she doesnt seem to be motivated to actually do it you know???
We agreed to a break and no relationship talk until November 6th.
Why stop then? Why the deadline?
Originally Posted By: JudoScott
Also I tend to think that she really doesn't want a divorce. She has done next to no research on divorce and doesnt seem motivated to find much out. The only time she did anything was right after a small tiff we had. I suspect this is her last resrt method of tryng to get some action from me. I dont think shes purposfully lying I believe she feels that way. Just that based on her behaviour she doesnt seem to be motivated to actually do it you know???
Stop mind reading.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
I think you'll find that as long as she is emotionally involved with the OM you won't get anything but shifty, manipulative nonsense from your wife.
The deadline is just a way for her to keep you at arms length while she pursues her EA without you hassling her while she decides what her next move is. I wouldn't trust anything she tells you at this point.
You're lucky that her OM is completely unsuitable for any kind of real, even medium term, relationship. I'd back off, work on yourself, set her free, don't support her while she leaves you and watch her go down in flames. Hard to do I know but you can do it.
I think you'll find that as long as she is emotionally involved with the OM you won't get anything but shifty, manipulative nonsense from your wife.
The deadline is just a way for her to keep you at arms length while she pursues her EA without you hassling her while she decides what her next move is. I wouldn't trust anything she tells you at this point.
You're lucky that her OM is completely unsuitable for any kind of real, even medium term, relationship. I'd back off, work on yourself, set her free, don't support her while she leaves you and watch her go down in flames. Hard to do I know but you can do it.
Welcome, ED. Perfect advice for this situation. Not bad for your second post!
Deadline was just me freaking out the first few days I didn't think it through. Had I really thought it through I would still be sleeping in my [censored] bed lol..
No I haven't. Personally I agree I think this EA will fizzle out and she'll come to her [censored] senses and we can deal with our problems. All I can really do though is work on my issues right now and wait. Which is hard and sucks. :-/
From reading the book to I know that shes been trying to tell me for years that we have problems. I just wasn't hearin git and didnt know what to do so I just checked out and kept doing my thing.
SO I am working on everything I remember she has legit complaints about and has asked me to do in the mean time as part of my 180's.
