Most of this occurred while we were still together, before she filed for D, but she filed anyway. There was the standard "You are only doing this because I asked you to, so it is not genuine", along with "this just makes me more upset because you do know how to do housework, you just CHOSE not to do it before."
She did say she was glad I was exercising and taking better care of myself.
At some point there was at least an EA with married OM involved, but I think that has ended due to him finding another affair and refusing to leave his W.
After she filed, I moved to protect myself financially and tried to GAL as best I could. Since we are separated now, we don't see much of each other anymore, except at kids events or when exchanging kids.
There really seems to be no reaction at all from her.
After she filed, I moved to protect myself financially and tried to GAL as best I could. Since we are separated now, we don't see much of each other anymore, except at kids events or when exchanging kids.
There really seems to be no reaction at all from her.
Not sure what to think.
So the limited time you spend together what have you done to cause any reaction?
Reading your soccer game story, it's seems that both of you went out of your ways to avoid each other.
Why not try to lead?
Last edited by pookie69; 10/18/1007:04 PM. Reason: Soccer edit
I haven't done anything, except try not to pursue.
My intention wasn't to avoid her at D's soccer game, it was to coach D and assist on the team sideline. I did offer her a cookie.
As S's game, she did seem to intentionally avoid me. Not sure if that was supposed to be payback for the earlier game or what.
The previous week, she offerred to pick-up some coffee for me when making a run to BK and I politely refused.
I guess I have been trying to show her that my life will go on and I will be fine without her. I have expressed to her too many times in the past that I would be lost without her in my life and was a blubbering idiot. I am trying to show her that I can move on and take care of myself as well as my kids without any help from her.
In what ways would you suggest that I try to lead?
I suppose that I would act "as if" I thought things will work out between us?
I have just been trying to let her make and live with her own decisions and determine for herself if she is making the right decisions or not. I am doing nothing to bail her out at the moment.
Change the way you act in public events like that.
You've go your kids with you do you have her attention. Use it.
Your soccer game reminded me my own countless evenings out with my W in restaurants with nothing to talk about. She would not say a word and I could not think of one to say myself. Talking about miserable.
What can you do to catch her attention and capture it for the duration of your time together.
I guess I have been trying to show her that my life will go on and I will be fine without her. I have expressed to her too many times in the past that I would be lost without her in my life and was a blubbering idiot. I am trying to show her that I can move on and take care of myself as well as my kids without any help from her.
In what ways would you suggest that I try to lead?
Once again, Dan, I know where you are coming from.
It's preached that we don't pursue and I find myself at the point of not really caring so much anymore what my W thinks. I can show her I can handle things without her help. At the same time, it would be preferable to make a new, better M with her.
How to lead without pursuing? I interact with her as much as possible when we are together. It doesn't seem to matter. Maybe she's watching and filing it away in her mental rolodex. IDK.
The feedback you're getting makes sense. If you find something that works, please let me know so I can try it!
Talk to others in her presence. Look happy. Flirt with a strange woman but immediately compliment your W in front of her. A little delay is good based on your W's tolerance level.
Be funny, notice her at all times.
Monitor what works. Check her reaction after EVERY one of your actions.
Learn your woman. You really don't know her as much as you should or you won't be here.
I guess I have been trying to show her that my life will go on and I will be fine
Eliminate the stuck passage, and then your motivation is better. Your life is going to be good. I promise that if you decide it will be, then it will be.
So have that good life, and then your motivation changes.
BTW, I honestly believe that STBXs are good flirting practice when they aren't being nasty.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 10/18/1009:34 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
