Lol...well, taking care of the kids and working and worrying only about ME!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
1) You do not always have to answer it and 2) Sometime you can tell him how you feel
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my words dont always come out the way I want them. DOes that make sense?
Make sense to me – just remember YOUR words may mean something different to him and at the end of the day, it is YOUR actions that matter most.
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and worrying only about ME!
Good.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
K, I see a lot of myself in your postings. I know exactly how you feel and yes, you give and give and give, and he doesn't meet you half way. They say that they will help and things will be different, but they are empty promises while in mlc. They say what they think we want to hear.
Of course you are tired. Look at all you do. It's any wonder that you are tired and your sex drive isn't up to jumping in the sack all of the time. You've had and still have a lot on your plate. What does he have? Texting you every few minutes wanting to know what you are thinking and thinking of ways to drag you down. Sometimes, I think he's trying to get you to pull the trigger and tell him to leave.
K, I've been right where you are now and yes, I had a lot of the same fears that you have expressed. But, you know what? Once I made up my mind to live my life to the fullest and be happy w/myself, a lot of the stress went away and I was finally able to drop the rope and leave him be.
K, it's time to live your life to the fullest. Whatever the outcome...you are going to be okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, you were right about the article. He did ask for it last night when he got home. He read it, then wanted ME to come read it to him so we could discuss it. He was a little insulted that I want him to do nice things for me...actually to him it came across as "you want me to kiss your butt all day so I can get sex at night?" SO, he didnt see my side at all. He saw it the way he wanted to. We had a long discusion about it, which he tells me this morning that he thought it was a good discussion, just that nothing was resolved. I have a feeling that if I had sat there and agreed with everything he said, that would have been the resolving he was talking about.
Anyway, he did tell me what his therapist asks him everytime he goes...she asks "how is the fire burning today"..he said his answer has always been "smoldering". Also discussed with me how he had felt mislead back when he first came home...that I had told him he could move in after the holidays, but it was March before I let him move all his stuff back in...yet he had been practially staying there most nights anyway...I just hadnt said "ok, move back now". Im confused to how I mislead him. I was only being careful...then after he said that he also said "well, I know you werent misleading me, but that's how I felt."
Ugh. Im fighting with myself this morning. My head is saying "your done, he isnt going to change at all, he doesnt love you, its never going to work"...then that stupid little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering "just do this one more thing, maybe he will want you then".
Why wont that stupid little voice just shut up already???
Maybe he keeps asking me what IM thinking hoping that maybe I will say "its over".
Well, it just might be time....if I could drown out that whisper.
Time for ME today. I want to take my kids to the fair tonight. I have lots to do at work today. I will not let my H bother me...although he has already started with the "what u thinking today". I just told him that I werent really thinking about anything right that minute.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
then wanted ME to come read it to him so we could discuss it.
Why couldn’t he read it himself. IMO, this is a sign of power.
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He was a little insulted that I want him to do nice things for me
Well he would be in his MLC frame of mind right now. Like I said…do you think that anything you say will snap him out of it? Psstt….the answer starts with the letter N and ends with an O.
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...actually to him it came across as "you want me to kiss your butt all day so I can get sex at night?"
Personally – you need to cut him off in the bed room. You do not have to tolerate his bull. Really, do you think sleeping with him is gonna slap him out of this? Hey, look if you can take it emotionally, then hell I say go for it BUT really what I see in your post is that this is slowly eating at your self-respect.
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SO, he didnt see my side at all. He saw it the way he wanted to.
MLC….please repeat after me….”my H is in a crisis – nothing I say will snap his as* out of it”…then repeat again 10 x’s.
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We had a long discusion about it, which he tells me this morning that he thought it was a good discussion, just that nothing was resolved.
Nothing will be resolved for HIM unless you do as YOUR told! Seriously Kissak, you should know by now that he is in lala land.
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I have a feeling that if I had sat there and agreed with everything he said, that would have been the resolving he was talking about.
Hey…if everyone agrees with everything I say –I’d never have any problems. Kinda of a childish way to think – right? Oh…that’s right he is in a crisis and is acting like a child.
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Also discussed with me how he had felt mislead back when he first came home...that I had told him he could move in after the holidays, but it was March before I let him move all his stuff back in...yet he had been practially staying there most nights anyway...I just hadnt said "ok, move back now". Im confused to how I mislead him. I was only being careful...then after he said that he also said "well, I know you werent misleading me, but that's how I felt."
These are HIS feelings and right now this is really how HE feels. Once again, nothing you can do about it. As for you confusion – why are you confused? Oh let me see, you must still be thinking that he is in his right mind right now. He’s not. Confusion = MLC (nickel to someone).
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Ugh. Im fighting with myself this morning. My head is saying "your done, he isnt going to change at all, he doesnt love you, its never going to work"...then that stupid little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering "just do this one more thing, maybe he will want you then".
Why wont that stupid little voice just shut up already???
IMO, that stupid little voice is telling you your NOT done. The question is really done with “what”. The M? Your H? Actually, IMO, your not done facing your fears and becoming the person that YOU always wanted to be. When you get to the point…you’ll just know…and at that point your done. Done with your M and ready to take on a new R, which could very well be with YOUR H.
You are still so attached to him and his actions towards you. What he does, what he says, if he wants sex, if he doesn’t want sex. Kissak, sorry to say…but F*ck HIM right now. Really just focus all of you energy on YOU. Live life. You want to go out – make arrangements. Don’t count on him for anything. I am not saying be a beotch no – but stop letting him control aspects of YOUR life.
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Maybe he keeps asking me what IM thinking hoping that maybe I will say "its over".
You may be right. Most of the time they cannot pull the plug and they want you to do it to save them the grief of having to be RESPONSIBLE for their choices.
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Well, it just might be time....if I could drown out that whisper.
Come’s a time when the whisper changes…..it may start saying…..”fly kissak”….go live kissak – I have the same whisper, except mine says “the force is with you young skywalker” – LOL – just kidding.
Hope you are enjoying your day with the kids.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, I couldn't have said it better. Honey, it's time to drop that rope and let him smolder. Nothing you say or do will be what he wants right now. You are slowly killing yourself trying to find the right way to handle this situation.
K, how can you even think of sex, much less enjoy it when you have all of this being dumped on you? You can't. Take care of you....you are a very important person and we all want to see you heal and become whole again. Please do not allow him to control or manipulate you. I'm worried about you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
This idea kept me stuck for a long time. We are not alone ... after we are formally separated or divorced we're single.
How can you be alone when you have gorgeous family and fantastic children and amazing friends? There's a big difference between being alone and single and it's an important one to get your head around as you begin to heal from this amazing journey!
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Why couldn’t he read it himself. IMO, this is a sign of power.
He read it first...then asked me to read it to him. Stupid I know, but I did it anyway.
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We had a long discusion about it, which he tells me this morning that he thought it was a good discussion, just that nothing was resolved.
Nothing will be resolved for HIM unless you do as YOUR told! Seriously Kissak, you should know by now that he is in lala land.
Yes, I know he is in LALA land...and I know that he would be happy as everything if I did as told and agreed with everything he said. Youre right, childish...acting like a child...in crisis.
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These are HIS feelings and right now this is really how HE feels. Once again, nothing you can do about it. As for you confusion – why are you confused? Oh let me see, you must still be thinking that he is in his right mind right now. He’s not. Confusion = MLC (nickel to someone).
Youre right.
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Hope you are enjoying your day with the kids.
I did enjoy my time with the kids. We went to the fair. Just the 3 of us. Had a great time!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
How can you be alone when you have gorgeous family and fantastic children and amazing friends? There's a big difference between being alone and single
Such an importance difference to point out! Thanks for the reminder
PEI
Thanks for reminding me of the difference I do have the best family and friends ever!!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
and worrying only about ME!
