How to tell the kids

[40andsadintexas]

I guess I haven't made it to the point that I am sure I don't want her back yet, so........

Then make small talk with her, always be happy, lay on the charm, and play hard to get. Have some other girls on a string, have fun, flirt, date casualy, what ever it takes to get you to where you are sure your life will be fine with or without her.
My STBEX behaved so badly this was not an option, the OM1 I still had hope then OM 2 & 3 came along within a week of each other pretty much set me on trac to be finished with her asap I feel now that life will be better without her.
If you still want your wife back you need to get where you will be ok either way, until there are on OM and she sees you slipping away she has no reason to want you back. At least that is my thinking but what do I know I’m going to be divorced pretty quickly some will save there marriage they probably have better understanding of women than I do.

[DanF]

Thanks for the thoughts Tex.

To all,

I have mentioned recently that I will be moving soon and potentially out of state. I got an email regarding the situation from W today and have typed up a proposed response. If anyone sees anything wrong here or has a suggestion for making it better, please let me know.

Thanks!

Note from W:

Hi,

I wanted to let you know I bought Ashlyn the Electronic Banking Monopoly game for Christmas. I would like to try to keep in contact with you about what we have gotten for the kids so they don't get duplicates. I know they (especially Ash) have started making suggestions and I don't want them to end up with duplicates. Also, if you could keep me informed about what your family buys them for Xmas, I would appreciate it, for the same reason.

In addition, Ashlyn told me you are moving to Antioch on November 30th. The mediation agreement indicates you need to provide 60 days notice of intent to move out of state. I realize the agreement is not yet in effect and have not looked over the temporary order to see if that is in the court order, either way, I'm not concerned about you moving to Antioch and would not have any objections. I told my attorney the same. I would assume that if you are moving to Antioch, you will be bringing the kids to school on the mornings you have them. I am still willing to pick them up from school anytime on your nights, if you are not available, and you could pick them up at my house.

My proposed repky:

Thanks for the update on Christmas gifts. I will try to keep you informed my family’s purchases as I find out. I will inform them to let me know so that we can keep track. I do know that Debbie is intending to give them a set of dominoes next weekend. I have yet to see any suggestions from the kids. I recently bought them some XBOX games, so if you want to ask Josh which ones he already has, that would be your best bet. If you don’t want to ask him, I can write them down and send it to you.

Regarding the move, I was just notified late last week that my landlord wants to move back into his house. He originally told me that I could move into his big house for the same rent, but has since changed his mind. He does have a brand new. 3 bedroom raised ranch located four miles from my current location, but it is across the state line. I have contacted my attorney regarding this, but haven’t heard back from her yet. It is my intent to also look within the county, but am unlikely to find a similar property for a similar price. I appreciate your understanding regarding the situation. I will also ensure that transportation for the kids to school is arranged and intend to continue to pick them up on the days that they are staying at my house.

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions or concerns.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Dan,

Here are my thoughts on a different reply:

"I can see why you would think the kids should not get duplicates for Xmas, but the kids are living in two household. I think it is perfectly fine that they get duplicates. It will make their lives easier than constantly transporting items back and forth."

Really think about both responses. Think about the one that speaks YOUR truth. Which one is from the same old dan...Which one might SURPRISE her..Which one wil get an emotional response?

Think outside your box. LEAD. Be attractive.


It is great that you have a documented agreement from her that you are OK to move: SAVE THIS!!

"I'm not concerned about you moving to Antioch and would not have any objections."

[Ready2Change]

Hi Dan,

Here are my thoughts on a different reply:

"I can see why you would think the kids should not get duplicates for Xmas, but the kids are living in two household. I think it is perfectly fine that they get duplicates. It will make their lives easier than constantly transporting items back and forth."

Really think about both responses. Think about the one that speaks YOUR truth. Which one is from the same old dan...Which one might SURPRISE her..Which one will get an emotional response? Remember, I am just giving you a different choice. I am not saying your is wrong. Your original response may be the best...Only you know.

A guideline, if it feels uncomfortable, it is most likely the right thing to do. Do not fear her anger.

Think outside your box. LEAD. Be attractive.


It is great that you have a documented agreement from her that you are OK to move: SAVE THIS!!

"I'm not concerned about you moving to Antioch and would not have any objections."

[Ready2Change]

I edited the original....read the second post.....

[DanF]

Thanks R2C, I'll think about it some more before I reply.

On another note, we are supposed to be hearing from W and her attorney regarding a proposed settlement for the final dissolution of the marriage. We should see that before the court date, which was moved from Oct 12th to Nov 4th, but we have seen nothing.

Should I ask W about it or just let it go. Maybe my L should just contact her L and that avoids any conflict between W and I?

Thanks!

[TimeHeals]

Maybe my L should just contact her L and that avoids any conflict between W and I?

Gee, ya think? Hate to think you're spending all of that money and not getting anything for it.

[DanF]

Doh!

[bluestar]

Her message about the Christmas gifts really rubbed me the wrong way. Why should she have any say in what you or your family buy your kids? She is trying to assert a measure of control over you. If you let her, she will do it again. As R2C said, they now have duplicate houses so they will need duplicates of some things to avoid dragging things back and forth. Just an FYI-my brother's ex-W used to "lose" things that he bought for their daughter. He eventually had to start leaving everything at his house or he'd and their daughter would never see it again.

Think back how it went any time you talked legal issues with your W before....Didn't go well did it? She claimed she didn't know anything and then you got screwed at the last minute. If you brought it up, my guess is her dumb streak would continue. Just talk to your L. That's way you pay him.

By the way, I've been reading along but not replying lately. You are doing great! Even with the housing setback, your attitude is amazing. Keep it up.

[DanF]

Thanks Bluestar. I don't feel like I am doing great, so it is nice to get some positive feedback once in a while.

I'll have to decide how I am going to reply tonight and then send her something tomorrow.

I think I still do want W back, but I'm not even sure why I should anymore. I guess it is still fear of the unknown, of being alone. I really have to find some decent women to talk to, even if it is just talk. It seems that all the women I meet these days are already married or attached.

Oh well, I need to get my profile pictures on match updated and start trolling a little harder. I haven't really put any effort into it yet.

Thanks again to everyone for their continued support and advice. I'm trying to take it all in and do the best I can with it.

Thanks!