How to tell the kids

[DanF]

Have you heard that leading is attractive to women?

Lots of times

Your next step is to get to happy alone. Enjoy every minute of every day.

There's the rub. I can't seem to get there somehow.

Should I accommodate W's soccer request above or tell her that I am busy and let her figure out her own problems? I suppose I could do it without much trouble.

Thanks guys. Greatly appreciated.

[Ready2Change]

Your next step is to get to happy alone. Enjoy every minute of every day.

There's the rub. I can't seem to get there somehow.

Happiness comes from inside. It comes from giving to others. It comes from focusing on the moment. It comes from turning off the brain chatter. If comes from facing your fears. It comes from enjoying life the way it is and not focusing on how you would like it to be.... Create your life. Surround yourself with thing that you enjoy and make you happy.

When I wake up in the morning, I take several deep breaths and focus how nice it feels. If it is light out, I have several pictures hanging in my room that I enjoy looking at. Sometimes I wake up next to a beautiful woman and enjoy the moment. If it is my time with the kids, I wake them up and we have snuggle time...

I enjoy shower time in the morning...the feeling of the warm water, I have 3 or four different smelling shampoo.. one smells like coconut and brings reminds me of the beach...I enjoy the beach...

Most mornings, I visit starbucks and small talk everyone. I know all the staff, lots of the customers...nice looking woman...Kids...

I drive 30 minutes to work and I stream pandora through my phone...Singing all the songs and feeling all the emotions...

[Ready2Change]

Should I accommodate W's soccer request above or tell her that I am busy and let her figure out her own problems?

I would take every opportunity given to enjoy your children. If you are truly busy is another thing...

[TimeHeals]

When I wake up in the morning, I take several deep breaths and focus how nice it feels. If it is light out, I have several pictures hanging in my room that I enjoy looking at. Sometimes I wake up next to a beautiful woman and enjoy the moment. If it is my time with the kids, I wake them up and we have snuggle time...

I enjoy shower time in the morning...the feeling of the warm water, I have 3 or four different smelling shampoo.. one smells like coconut and brings reminds me of the beach...I enjoy the beach...

Yep, you've uncovered the mystical power of the "gratitude lists". Take your mind off of past crap you can't do anything about long enough to begin to appreciate all that is good in life, and then you can learn from the past, and you have the energy and drive to make plans for your future.

If you can't think of 10 things to put on a gratitude list every day, then get cracking, eh? I could make gratitude lists all day too, but I am grateful for my job, so better not

[DanF]

Gosh, why am I such a baby? It was a hard day for me today.

Exchanged a few emails with W and then went to pick up the kids after school. Took them back to W's to get their "stuff" and noticed that W had taken our wedding pictures out of the frames and replaced them with pictures of her and her friends. That stung a bit. One was even a pic of her flirting with a friend's husband at a wedding last April. That was one night that I went off. I asked her if she was going to flirt with ME like that and she said to me, "I just don't FEEL that way about you." But she FELT that way about her friend's HUSBAND, whom she was flirting with all night? I freakin' melted down. Now she has his picture hanging in her bedroom? WTF? That and the OM business should make me just want to forget about her completely, but I just can't let go. I can't drop the rope.

Now for the good news. I talked to W's mom a bit tonight. Hadn't talked with her since June, after the D was filed and we cried on the phone together. She says I am still invited to stay at her house anytime I would like to. I used to stay there quite a bit without W to go hunting. She is such a nice lady.

I also spoke with another friend of mine who's W hangs out with my W sometimes. Apparently, my W told his that she is lonely now. He was incredulous about that fact. "What the hell did she think was going to happen? It's too bad that she threw it all away."

Maybe that isn't really good news, but it did make me feel better.

Kids are playing video games and I am making dinner. Maybe this day won't turn out so bad after all, regardless of my earlier tears.

Thanks to all for your continued support. Lord knows I need it!!

[bluestar]

Dan, regardless of what we on the board might think, you are only human. You are allowed to have a bad day. Of course, seeing the pictures changed out is going to affect you. Sometimes a good cry is just what you need. By the way, secretly taking joy in your W's unhappiness with her choices is ok. We all do it.

You might see about finding a way to stop going by the house for their "stuff". Either get stuff to keep at your house or find a place where your W can safely drop it off at your house(bin on the back porch, in the garage, etc) while you're at work. Then you pick up the kids and go straight home, your home. Better transition for all of you.

[DanF]

Thanks bluestar.

The only stuff I can't figure out is what to do with is their phones. The rest of the stuff I can get duplicates of. I told her that I thought it would be better if we didn't have to stop by her house every time I pick up the kids. We'll see what we can figure out. I don't think she would be willing to make a special trip to drop off their stuff, but I haven't asked her to do it either.

Thanks again.

3 doors down "Loser" playing on the radio right now. How apprapro!

[HockeyMom]

Dan,

I don't post, but I have been following your thread and hope the best for you and your family.

Re: the kids phones. Why not make arrangements with the school office for the kids to drop their phones at the office in the morning, and then swing by the office to get their phones when you pick them up? Just a thought - not sure if it will work for you.

Silently cheering you on!

[DumpedforMIL]

have you followed my posts to lostnhurt?
if not, you should read that.

i see some parallels between the two sitches. just my observation.

D4MIL

[DanF]

You think they would do that at school?

It's a very large school and I don't know if they will be willing. Do it for one, do it for all. Too much to keep track of everyone's stuff. I suppose I could also ask one of their teachers if they would be willing. Maybe we just have a small bag they put their phones in that sits in the office or one of the classrooms all day. The kids will gripe as usual, but it works for me!

Thanks Hockey Mom! You may want to post more often. Next time I pick the kids up from school I will stop in the office and ask them about it.

I hope all is ok with you too. There must be some reason you are here? Let us know if you need any help or support!

Take care and thanks for rooting for me!!