I think I still do want W back, but I'm not even sure why I should anymore.
this is why you aren't ready to date and you're not trolling hard enough on match.com.
i've been reading your posts and it's pretty obvious that even though your words say "i'm done .. i want to start dating and move on." .. are you really done?
to be honest, the sample note has a 'hopeful' undertone. i won't critique the note because how to revise the note depends on how you really feel about your m and w.
Quote:
I really have to find some decent women to talk to, even if it is just talk. It seems that all the women I meet these days are already married or attached.
what do you expect to get out of talking to someone? you're thinking .. you're going to find a more interesting person, right? more interesting than who? your wife? is that it? you're trying to see if there's someone out there better than your wife? does it matter if she's better? what if she's different? is that bad?
because you are still 'hopeful', your intention to talk to other women will only lead you to comparing them to your wife .. with you saying .. my wife is better. she's smarter. she has a cuter laugh .. ugh, she doesn't crinkle her nose like that when she smiles, it's so unattractive. my wife laughed at that joke and she didn't. my wife is also anti-republican .. not like miss republican here.
is that fair to the other person?
that's why i questioned you before. you want to date so your wife will come back to you? so you want to use another woman to get your wife back? unless the other person is aware of this, i don't recommend it.
I read your posts when i check in, i can see when you are down and when you are more upbeat, i too have those moments. i think the wife is in a sense yanking your chain testing to see if she has control over you and some situations. i'm guilty of doing it myself.
after everything you have gone through it is a true testament to you deciation to your love to this woman, i wish ihad the same. i have seen what is on the other side, i think it is natural to feel you will be alone and i think realistically that should not be your focus. let your dust settle and experience life as a divorced father.
sorry to hear you are having to uproot again, be positive. i can give advice and yet not follow my own.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
I probably did this wrong, but here is my response to W.
Hi,
Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner, but I was in an all day meeting yesterday and have 3 days of training now through Friday. Maybe we can chat today if you are home when I get the kids.
Thanks for the update on Christmas gifts. I can understand why you would be concerned about the kids getting duplicate gifts for Christmas, but the kids are living in two households now and I think it might make sense for them to have duplicates of some items. We can talk about it some more, but it could make their lives easier than constantly having to drag items back and forth. It would help if I didn't have to stop by your house every time I pick-up the kids so that they can get their "stuff". I'm just not sure about how to deal with the phones. I will try to keep you informed my family’s purchases as I find out and I will tell them to let me know so that we can keep track. I do know that my Sister is intending to give them a set of dominoes next weekend. I have yet to see any suggestions from the kids. I recently bought them some XBOX games, so if you want to ask S which ones he already has, that would be your best bet. If you don’t want to ask him, I can write them down and send it to you.
Regarding the move, I was just notified late last week that my landlord wants to move back into the house that I am living in on Nov, 30th. He originally told me that I could move into his big house for the same rent, but has since changed his mind. He does have a brand new. 3 bedroom raised ranch located four miles from my current location, but it IS across the state line. I have contacted my attorney regarding this, but haven’t heard back from her yet. It is my intent to also look within the county, but am unlikely to find a similar property for a similar price. I appreciate your understanding regarding the situation and I will ensure that transportation for the kids to school is arranged. I intend to continue to pick them up from school on the days that they are staying at my house. I am not overly concerned about the court orders as long as we agree to what we are doing. This will only be an issue if one of us wants to make it an issue.
I may need you to pick-up the kids from school on Nov. 3rd. I am trying to plan a trip to NJ for early that week. I would likely fly out on Mon am, so it may also be best if the kids came back to your house on Sunday night the 31st. Otherwise, I can also make other arrangements.
I'm not sure yet if I will still be at work or not. It depends how much I get done here.
Thanks for the update on the move.
Oct. 31st and Nov. 3rd are not a problem. It is trick or treat, I'm not sure what times but they were talking about wanting to trick or treat in both neighborhoods. Maybe they could trick or treat by you first and then you could bring them over and they can finish up by me.
My family is coming this weekend. I'm not sure what time they are going to get here on Saturday, but I will be cooking, etc. I was wondering if you would possibly be willing to pick up the kids to take them to their soccer games. I don't think my family will be here on time to go to the games but I want to be home when they arrive and be ready to eat when kids get back. If not, I'll work something out.
what do you expect to get out of talking to someone? you're thinking .. you're going to find a more interesting person, right? more interesting than who? your wife? is that it? you're trying to see if there's someone out there better than your wife? does it matter if she's better? what if she's different? is that bad?
because you are still 'hopeful', your intention to talk to other women will only lead you to comparing them to your wife .. with you saying .. my wife is better. she's smarter. she has a cuter laugh .. ugh, she doesn't crinkle her nose like that when she smiles, it's so unattractive. my wife laughed at that joke and she didn't. my wife is also anti-republican .. not like miss republican here.
is that fair to the other person?
Thanks D4MIL, you always make me think.
Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think I'm looking for someone better than W, just someone who is interested in ME, because she doesn't seem to be anymore and maybe it is time to move on.
What about women who say they want to date, but nothing serious? There are women on match and other sites with that type of profile.
All your answers are wrapped up and hidden in this statement.
Originally Posted By: DanF
I think I still do want W back, but I'm not even sure why I should anymore. I guess it is still fear of the unknown, of being alone.
Have you heard that leading is attractive to women? Then do not fear the unknown. Set your personal goals and start taking steps to reach them. I know you are doing this in certain areas of your life.
I challenge you to set a relationship goal. Would you like a #10 relationship with a woman by next Xmas? What would that look like? Your very first step is to set your wife free. I am sure you have read this before. Your next step is to get to happy alone. Enjoy every minute of every day. Enjoy every person you interact with. Do things that you enjoy. If you are lonely, go to places and interact with people. My place is starbucks. It is 1 mile from my house. I can walk in there anytime of day and know some one. I offer big smiles and lots of listening....
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
the answer is wrapped up in that statement he pointed out. you need to figure out what you want. you should not need someone to be interested in you to make yourself feel better. that's how you create codependency. you should learn to love yourself on your own first. then decide whether you want someone in your life. no one will be interested in you if you don't love yourself.
otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for herpes.
is that fair to the other person?
