It doesn't belong in Newcomers altough I'm not entirely convinced it belongs here either.
Journalling
My wife are from Sydney, Australia and have been to absolute hell and back over the past 2 years with her PA/EA that started in January 2008. We have put each other through various hells beforehand - me being the culprit mainly with my anger, selfishness and verbal abuse. I was a pretty nasty piece of work to live with from time to time in the early years of our marriage and I regret this terribly.
My DB story begins in March 2008 and the entire tale is to be found here:
At the time of writing my wife and I are sleeping in the same bed, do everything together on weekends and when I'm home from work, have a sexual relationship and spend lots of time together with our baby son. He was born in December 2009 and I have confirmed with a DNA test that he is mine. W knows I have done this.
Things are far from perfect.
I will write more on here soon.
Best to all of you here in Piecing.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I've had sex with my wife yesterday (twice) and twice the day before.
She talks about the future with both of us in it. All the time.
So what?
Neither she nor I wear our wedding rings. Neither of us say "I love you".
She cheated and lied through her teeth for two years. I struggle mightily with the resentment and asking myself whether I have a spine, character and self-respect if I choose to keep her as my wife.
I do know when she left I was never so motivated to do anything ever like I was to save my marriage.
I struggle with the fact that I let her treat me like a piece of dog faeces that she had stepped in. That's the worst part of all. I had never let someone treat me that way before.
So.... on we go.
I do know this. I love my son with every fibre of my being. He's 11 weeks old but I know he's my biggest reason for living and thriving.
Thanks to all of you for chiming in.
GH31
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
I know exactly how you feel (except for the sex part-LOL). I think the way of thinking, the range of emotions triggered are very common among the ones that have faced infidelity and the associated lying. Focus on the goal. K
Unfortunately, it's impossible to have a good marriage feeling the way you do, you know, the dog faeces part. Somehow you have to find a way to really forgive her. And of course, she can't just get away with no remorse, either. The longer this stuff goes unresolved, the more difficult it gets to deal with. I know she refuses counseling completely. But the two of you have real work to do if you are going to stay together for your son.
Agreed with Lotus. Some of these feelings, will eventually pass in time as you reinvest in one another and you begin to feel more comfortable (ie-secure) in her presence. Will they ever go away? I don't think so, but I don't mean that in a bad way, for me so far, it helps keep me strong to remember what I've endured and chose to never endure again, at anybody's hand.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
Just dropping in to say hi. I've been following your sitch in Newcomers and can relate somewhat to not being certain this is the R I want to be in for the rest of my life after BF's affair.
Does your W still bring up moving back to Europe? I would think that's not something to agree to until you know what you want.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
