The only comparison I can draw is the long term girlfriend I had before I met W. After five years our relationship was dying, and she (of course) got involved with another man before telling me she wanted out. A couple years later I met W and we were great together, and even after we were engaged, if I saw my old girlfriend at a party, I was not comfortable being in the same room with her. That situation was nothing compared to this.
I don't see myself being comfortable with W in the room, regardless of what's going on with me.
Hmm, the point I was making is that is exactly the place that the WAW is coming from when they want to be friends. They "like" you but they are in love with someone else. If I had a girlfriend I was so into that I left my W and kids nothing else would matter to me. I would be "happy" and I would want everyone else to be "happy." I can still make my XW laugh herself to tears and I beleive she does "like" me but I don't beleive that she loves me at all.
I understand not wanting to see her and that is what I am doing myself. I know it is not the right approach to try to get her to come back but I don't want her to come back anymore. Do you want yours to come back?
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I understand not wanting to see her and that is what I am doing myself. I know it is not the right approach to try to get her to come back but I don't want her to come back anymore. Do you want yours to come back?
At this point I want to explore other options. Am I leaving the door open a bit for the future? Yes. Am I going to push forward with the legal separation or divorce? Yes.
I would say that completely walling off from my W last winter and spring is what did attract her back to me, so I don't think you're correct in saying it's not the right approach to get her to come back.
if you want a div, or at least not to be with your w at this point, what's with the long post about the "requirements of reconciliation" with a wayward spouse?
I mean, it's a list of what you'd need to reconcile with her, and then you discuss how she's failed to meet the LONG list of (sometimes redundant) requirements, but it's not even an issue??
Seems like wasted effort. Drop the rope and move on. No more "what ifs?" unless they become real. Just mho.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
My long post was in response to v1olin's sympathy for my failed attempt at reconciliation, and how in retrospect I see why it failed. I posted it here in case others can get some value from it. I'm not working toward reconciliation any more, and I'm not DBing.
I haven't ruled out future reconciliation. Who knows? Right now I know what I need to do for me.
My W is tenacious, I'll giver her that. No matter how distant I am, no matter how clear I make it that I don't want anything from her, whenever she sees me, she acts cheery and friendly, and tries to pull me out. She smiles, jokes, teases me, asks questions, offers tidbits she thinks I might find interesting. I give her one word answers, without looking at her, and just concentrate on the kids. I feel like I'm in some sort of battle of wills.
You know, that's what I have thought in the past, but when offered the opportunity to bust the divorce, she refused to do what's necessary. What she's doing is not divorce busting, she's trying to bust my complete severing of our relationship. She wants to dictate what our relationship will be moving forward, picking and choosing the parts she wants to save or throw away.
I haven't ruled out future reconciliation. Who knows? Right now I know what I need to do for me.
Future, I think this says it all. ^^^^
None of us knows what might happen down the road. If you still feel like leaving the door open then do so...nothing wrong with that. Do what you want in the meantime. I read your questions about the ski lessons. Do what YOU want to do. There comes a time in all of this when we need to make our own decisions even if it's not the popular view. Just wanted to chime and say you're doing fine. Things will work out.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
