Hey Romeo... sounds like a great response... covering all the necessary stuff re: DD. The only thing I would have done is left out the "immature" comment. True... it IS immature, but that might trigger defensiveness in her and then will color the way she reads all the rest of it.
IR, I've wanted to respond to something that you wrote awhile ago and this seems like the right place. One of the last posts on your old thread, you mentioned about possibily having your L seek a deposition of your W. You know she's not responding to your offers right now. Sometimes all it takes to get a positive response is a deposition. Once she's sees what she's going to have to admit to in open court, she may decide it's not worth it. In a deposition, you can question her about whatever you need to and you may never need to use the information that you get. Her L may also change the advice she's getting based on how it goes.
By the way, I linked some parenting plans on Mystik's thread in Newcomers so she could see what it might look like. The first example I gave her is one from a Denver therapist. It's really good in terms of wording the decision making you're talking about. The way your state does it could vary a little but in most of the plans I read on line they were very similar. You might want to take a look at it and see if you'll have something similar in yours.
Blue everytime I see you here I want to say Ballooo...from The Jungle Book Well deposition is certainly an option and my lawyers are ready to do that. I have some time so if she plays nice I'll play nice if she doesn't then out come the big guns. Thanks for the links Blue I looked at the first one (not NY specific) and it had some good hints! how're you doing? are you and your H doing well? Did you post to me in your pre-Blue life? I had some friends that are no longer here so I was curious- since you had to change your name.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
"I think Thanksgiving is your week. What I really wanted was to have DD for the week that my mom is here, Dec 8-16. I would be more than happy to take her for Thanksgiving though as well, just let me know. "
Much better. But so far we've been alternating holidays so it's her turn but technically it's my week. Hey if she doesn't want to I'd love to have DD for a long weekend but then she'll claim 'you had her for halloween and thanksgiving so I'll keep her for xmas and new years' - I just don't trust her anymore...so sad.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
The first year after the divorce ex wasn't so into the "rules" just kind of whatever as far as holidays went. We each stuck to our weekends which gave me basically every major holiday. we compromised on some but last year he would frequesntly go to the county guidelines and quote from it as if it were the bible.
Best to have it all in writing and signed so there isn't any confusion.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat's right, it's best to have it all in writing. My lawyer wrote it all up but afterwards did say that we could do anything we wanted as long as we agreed to it. It's just good to have in writing because it makes the understanding clear and if you ever have to go to court for some reason there is something there stating what the agreed upon schedule etc is. You can never assume your spouse will be reasonable, it's not worth the risk.
Wii, or anyone else that's been at this for a while how do you split up holidays? So far we've been keeping DD one week at a time and alternating holidays.
I'm thinking there are probably 6 holidays i.e. three b.days (DD's, mine and STBXW's) and then July 4th, xmas and new years that are major holidays to split. I'm thinking we'll go for odd/even years where she takes these holidays on even I take them on odd years. We each get to keep DD on our b.days and any other holidays not listed will just be dealt with as normal days i.e. whoever has DD that week gets to have them.
I don't know, just a thought.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Hey buddy- book I read recommends splitting all but you bdays, mother's and father's day.e.g. You take xmas eve day and nite, she gets xmas morning and nite so neither you or DD misses out on any given year. I guess you do what works for all of you but I like this idea- I don't wanna miss a year of xmas w/ her myself
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Hi, IR. Thanks for asking. I am well. My H and I are still working at it. Until early this year, I would have said we're definitely not going to make it but he is showing a renewed enthusiasm for working on his stuff(which is where we've been stuck). So, I'm hanging in and trying to remember my DB principles that way I don't forget myself again.
I think I posted to you before but I don't remember my screen name from back then. This one is actually my third name because my H used to stalk me on here. I posted heavily 04-06ish but then tapered off for awhile. I mostly posted in Infidelity though and some in Newcomers.
As for the holidays, around here we tend to do it like that plan I referred you to. Parental Bdays, Mday and Fday always go to the appropriate parent. Thanksgiving and Spring Break alternate odd/even. Memorial Day, Labor Day, Easter, Christmas Eve and Day, have an odd/even schedule. New Years eve and day as well as Fourth of July go to the parent with that part of the vacation schedule also on an odd/even schedule. I would suggest getting out a year view calendar and writing out your proposal so you can see it. That will enable you to see any glaring problems. You want to avoid a parent getting all the holidays in a given year.
At my house, my kid's Bdays happen to also be the holidays so we had to consider that as well to make sure that they had a special day.
