You know thinking about this car situation and the charges and some of the things you guys have been sayings.
Many of you keep saying don't change your pans for her decisions. I think I get that now. She's not my problem. We have one car... so her choices have made that a problem for her. We have financial problems.. her choices make that an issue for her.
My choices are solely for me and my son.
Sort of getting back to the Buddhist teaching I received on Wednesday about not allowing outside events/things affect your happiness. She's external from me now, I don't have to react to her needs.
Well put. Bumping it up for you to read it back to yourself.
"Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
You sound just like me two months ago. DB and GAL for yourself! Sure there is hope...I hope to win the $200 million lottery or have free reign for the rest of my life in the Playboy mansion As I said in another post "I couldn't be more detached unless I had amnesia" If my W would come back I and I have not thought about that in a long time I would want to know her motive and then she would have to prove herself beyonf belief that she believes in this M.
DB and GAL for yourself if she comes back great, but you both would have to work on the M or risk coming back to this sitch. If she does not come back then you are prepared to move on to a bigger and better life!
"Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
I love the Stockdale Paradox. One of my favorite quotes.
I told her I am turning of texting at the end of the billng period.
She is PISSED. Says that am trying to control her and its financial abuse. I told her "I thought this is what you wanted" she repeated her complaint I said " I thought you wanted to be seperate? When people are seperate they have seperate finances." SHe said "But I don't have any income yet" I replied I was still leaving her with a phone so what more did she need?
She then said she didnt want to argue and I left.
The thing is I am turning off texting for the whole family and a whole bunch of other stuff to save money. I let her get ius in deep deep debt.
On the bright side it really is the only way her bf and her communicate. So what ever [censored] her I am leaving her with a phone.
I [censored] hope I am doing the right ting I really do want to work this out.
I know you feel like you are in crisis mode and have to let off steam dude, but you may want to seriously think about the amount of swearing/"censored"s that you are posting. Reason I say this is, it's not the swearing in and of itself, but what it shows is a lack of control and composure. If you are saying this many "censored" things on all of your POSTS to people (who in general) already understand your anger and frustration, what are you saying to your W right now whom you are at wit's end with? Just asking here, because if you are swearing like this to her, that will probably not help your cause. Women need to see their man in control, and it doesn't come off that you are with all of the censoreds.
With regard to your cell phone, turn off the texting because you want to save money. That should be the only reason. If you are also doing it because you want to weaken her ability to contact OM, that will just encourage her to find a sneakier way to do it, and it will not work overall. She's not a child, she's an adult and therefore will find a way to be with him since infatuation is a very powerful thing. Don't buy her "financial abuse" garbage, she's using that word abuse to scare you. After all, texting IS aluxury despite everyone's dependence on it. Finanacial abuse would be if you were relegating her meals to rice and beans only. Look at this, and just about everything else as a financial decision, or a business decision. Do your absolute best to leave the emotion out of it. I know it's hard, and you seem to be having about the worst day of your life today. But, you HAVE to pull it together. You have to go about this as a chance to improve yourself and your finances and everything based on common sense and practicality. Make your decisions on facts, not emotions. If it comes up again from HER (you don't initiate the discussion), you simply say, "look, we're separating, that includes our finances, and I cannot afford texting. It's a luxury and has to go." End of story, if she wants to keep writing more story, leave her alone and go detach.
M-34 XW-32 D-7 Found OM's presence 4/09 Separated 12/09 Divorced 8/10 GREAT relationship as coparents since 8/10
GroceryKartMan, offered up some great advice. I don't see conflicting advice in regard to texting..If you are having financial difficulty and texting is not necessary, which 99.99% of the time it is not then eleminate at it from your service. But don't do it just for spite. Be the better man!
I have not read all of your sitch, but why is W not working? I know you have a young son so I assume that she is a stay at home mom, but if not tell her that if she wants these luxeries then she can contribute to the financial coffers.
Judo maybe Saturday is not a good day to talk about finances with your W. After all you had a very emotional day on Friday. I would cool your jets a bit and focu on having a great weekend with your son and leave the family/M issues on the back burner for a day or two. This discussion can wait a few days. Again, be the better man! As Coach would say this is attractive in any woman's eyes.
As I said in another post "I couldn't be more detached unless I had amnesia" If my W would come back I and I have not thought about that in a long time I would want to know her motive and then she would have to prove herself beyonf belief that she believes in this M.