Regarding skiing, or any other family activity, the reason I don't want to do it with W isn't because of anger, or resentment, or as a DBing strategy. It's simply to protect myself. If I could do those things, and not care, and not be pulled back into feeling like we're a family, then sure, why not? But I can't. In a strange bit of irony, I assume it's not totally different from contact with an affair partner. Every time contact is made, the addiction starts all over again, so the best remedy is no contact. I am forced to employ a "no contact" policy with my old family unit.
Yes, that is my same attitude right now. I cannot be around her and move on. I love the way she looks, smells, and sounds. I need to purge her from my soul.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I did Halloween completely separate from W yesterday, only saw her during child transition. I picked up the kids from her and took them out for a couple hours. Brought them to some friends' houses to trick or treat. Ended up hanging out at one of my friend's houses for a while, had hot chocolate, etc. Nice time.
Went to a couple Halloween events on Friday night, and had an awesome time with my friends. A night to remember. Went out with my lady friend on Saturday and had another great time. Life is good.
This morning I got an e-mail from W saying she can't bear to meet to discuss our divorce settlement. Said she's too sad about it, and meeting will just make it worse. As expected, she is now leaning heavily on state law, and is requesting that her monthly payment more than double. She is offering to take on some of our debt as compensation. Ugh.
I did the same thing with my kids future. XW said I was welcome to come inside but I told her I would wait outside. She did not try to invite herself to go trick or treating with us like I though she might. I was prepared to tell her to go home too.
I noticed that there are a lot of fine women in the old neighborhood!
It is getting very hard to stay away from XW completely. Every time she comes to pick up the kids I have to walk the kids out to her for some reason or another. This time D3 was crying because she did not want to go with mommy. I felt so bad for her that I went outside with them. Said very few words to XW.
Tell me all about your lady friend!
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
Negotiations are ongoing with STBXW. She's being a little ridiculous, but so far it's staying civil.
Hmmm... my lady friend. She's a friend of a friend, who I've known for about a year, but never even remotely thought of being romantically involved with, until a couple months ago. She's recently divorced, and has already had the rebound relationship, and during all that time, she was kind of a mess. Recently though she's been getting her act together, and I'd been finding myself noticing her more and more. She came out to see me play a couple months ago, and was flirting like crazy with me, then sent me some not-so-subtle text messages afterward, indicating her attraction to me. This started some regular flirting between us whenever we'd see each other, and I finally asked her out a couple weeks ago, after I made the decision to move on with my life. The vibe between us has been good so far. We both know everything about the other's situation. Having the romantic attention of a woman is a great feeling, after a long drought.
Well, my last financial proposal to STBXW was not received well I guess. She told me she's done negotiating, and that I should talk with her lawyer from now on. I offered her the highest support number I ever have, but it wasn't enough. Based on the numbers and computations in her e-mails, I can tell she's got her lawyer telling her what she is entitled to. This is going to get very ugly, and expensive. Sucks.
Future, she needs you as a mirror, maybe? If you reflect back to her that she is charming and interesting and that you are interested, then that makes it so. It sounds like your wife has some narcissistic traits. It doesn't have to do with what you feel or that she wants to get back together with you. She needs you to reflect back that she's attractive and charming (it sounds like that's really important to her) and that you're OK. She wants to feel like she didn't do anything "wrong"--she couldn't help it after all, but that you still love her and will continue to do so forever. Great for her self-esteem. Not so great for yours. You see that the grown up thing is for you to try and get your own life back. She needs you as a hook for her own self-image. Maybe...its just a thought.
