The conversation where she wanted me to pay more attention to her was really just a litany of her complaints about my behaviour in the past...
Ouch. I know it can be hard to hear all that... can you perhaps look though, at the fact that through all that spew she's asking you for more attention? I think she's trying to share with you what makes her happy. When I was first starting to share my needs with my H it went alot like that too. In my sitch it seemed like I had to get out what I didn't want before I could share what I did want. I'm sorry, it's rough I know, and far from being fair and easy to listen to. You can take the thought or leave it, just trying to point out a different interpretation on what she's saying.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
FMV, how do we know whether or not our W's are working on this? I am currently separated (only 2 months) and I see no movement at all towards reconciliation from her. Just wondering how to proceed.
Hey Dan, I'm sorry, not really familiar with your sitch. How long were you guys struggling before you separated? Or had you realized that she was unhappy before the split? I can say this... two months is not a long time. I'd be more than happy to read your thread and offer support but I don't know how good my advice is...I never physically left my M so my viewpoint might not be quite on target for you...
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
The conversation where she wanted me to pay more attention to her was really just a litany of her complaints about my behaviour in the past...
Ouch. I know it can be hard to hear all that... can you perhaps look though, at the fact that through all that spew she's asking you for more attention? I think she's trying to share with you what makes her happy. When I was first starting to share my needs with my H it went alot like that too. In my sitch it seemed like I had to get out what I didn't want before I could share what I did want. I'm sorry, it's rough I know, and far from being fair and easy to listen to. You can take the thought or leave it, just trying to point out a different interpretation on what she's saying.
FMV,
All those complaints were things that I had been doing 180s with the last four months. And they were valid complaints.
All those complaints were things that I had been doing 180s with the last four months. And they were valid complaints.
I guess what I was trying to say Pinhead, was that you're hearing only part of what she's telling you. Completely understandable because criticism hurts. But don't confuse criticism with rejection.
She was also telling you what makes her happy... your attention.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
And the last week, after I told her I was staying, I pretty much GAL'd my butt off. She was so angry at me, it was easy to find the motivation to go to the gym etc. And after a week of being left alone, of having her space, she's still mad. Last night when she called from work to say goodnight to the girls, she was a bit friendlier, but not a significant shift.
And the last week, after I told her I was staying, I pretty much GAL'd my butt off. She was so angry at me, it was easy to find the motivation to go to the gym etc. And after a week of being left alone, of having her space, she's still mad. Last night when she called from work to say goodnight to the girls, she was a bit friendlier, but not a significant shift.
Ya she's going to be mad regardless of what you do. If you're around she'll want space if your gone she'll want time. Her script has to be justified. You'll just have to live your own happy life until her brain gets resided and she comes back to you.
