I was thinking the same as R2C. What signs has your W shown you that might encourage this new approach? You might want to start by ramping up the friendly banter and seeing how it goes. If it goes well, try suggesting a family outing. If that goes well, then maybe, maybe a neutral outing for the two of you. But you want to keep expectations low and the pressure off. Don't forget your DB rules. Keep it light and simple.
Signals are pretty limited as we don't contact each other except for kids stuff. One day at at cold soccer game, she offerred to bring me a cup of coffee from a local restaurant, but I turned her down. Another time, she was asking me about manuals for some power equipment that she kept and made mention of our favorite sports team in a manner that we used to communicate regularly. She said "Stoopid Packers". I wondered if that was a reach out, but I just ignored it.
She is generally freindly, no, maybe cordial when we are together. I know she was very stressed out about all of this while we were still living together and we have only been separated for 2 months. She said I was beating her down. Because I am paying for her house and all of her utilities and even more, I am wondering if this has still been too easy on her? She recently purchased a brand new bedroom set, while I am buying used. I'm wondering if she wants to get back together badly enough for this to work or even at all.
The other guys were advocating waiting for her to come back and then turning her down on her first request. Really trying to make her work for it so that boundaries and dealbreakers could effectively be set. I'm wondering if I should walk this right up to the edge before I concede any ground, or at least maybe wait through the holidays.
I just don't know how to proceed anymore. Basketball season for the kids starts this weekend, so I will be seeing them at games. Maybe I should try to light something up there since we will be together without me having to reach out? During the kids soccer season this was all still so new that I was a bit standoffish. My W is very prideful also and I have the feeling that she will never admit she made a mistake. Maybe in her mind she hasn't, who knows. I did make the mistake of telling her she was going to regret this decision and she shot back "No I won't". Perhaps that is getting in the way too.
I haven't read the art of seduction yet. I was thinking about No more Mr. Nice Guy first. Someone also recommended His Needs / Her Needs. Too damn many books to read!!
I haven't read the art of seduction yet. I was thinking about No more Mr. Nice Guy first. Someone also recommended His Needs / Her Needs. Too damn many books to read!!
Hi Dan, Don't worry about the quantity. Decide where you would like to improve and read up on that subject.
I found NUTS much better than NICE GUY..Both touch on the same subject.
"The Art of seduction" covers so many ways to attract, and most of them are counter-intuitive.... I believe it would help your sitch greatly if you were aware of the details in this book.
Look through my list:
Originally Posted By: Ready2Change
Here are links to books I have read and found helpful. I highly recommend first reading the ones listed first, then moving down the list.
I was thinking the same as R2C. What signs has your W shown you that might encourage this new approach? You might want to start by ramping up the friendly banter and seeing how it goes. If it goes well, try suggesting a family outing. If that goes well, then maybe, maybe a neutral outing for the two of you. But you want to keep expectations low and the pressure off. Don't forget your DB rules. Keep it light and simple.
Dan,
fwiw, I agree with this. ^ It's going to take some TIME, tho. In fact, I'd give it like 6-8 weeks, and then reevaluate.
Hello my friend. I hope you and your kids had a nice Thanksgiving. I think it's great that you want to reach out to your W. I spent the holidays with my W, my son and her family. I honestly thought it would have been uncomfortable but we ended up having a nice time.
The only reason I tell you this is because without my W saying it I knew that she wanted to spend the holidays together. Maybe you can build up to asking her if Christmas is something she'd be interested in spending together as a family. Just a thought.
I hope all is well.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
