prior to this she completely controlled the budget and I asked her for cash if our budget allowed.
how we wound up so far in debt is a story for tomorrow or maybe tonight... the short version is I never said no if she whined enough. and she never would go to work despite promising to when we started getting in trouble
Its illegal that's why. If she moves out on her own I can change the locks but you can't just kick someone out of their home.
It's not illegal to tell somebody that they should leave so that you have time to sort out your own feelings, and that if she ever cared for you, she'd go stay at her mom's house rather than forcing you to get a legal seperation order.
It's not illegal to try to collect on an 11 year old debt either.
It's illegal to threaten somebody to collect an 11 year old debt.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Not your problem. She wants out right? Well she has to make those accomodations. Giver her a set amount of money to do with as she pleases and send her on her way. You continue to live your life but you give her the lump sum to release her from any "control" she may feel you are exerting onto her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I didnt say its my problem I said theres no way I can really kick her out adn she has no where to go so other than bug her to move I can't do anything. AS far as money is concerned I don't give her anything but whats needed now.
- She goes out about once a week. Sometimes once every two weeks. Depends on how she's feeling. Sometimes she'll go periods where she never goes out.
- She doesn't want me there and a sitter on a Tuesday night during the school year?
I think I may have screwed up this morning. She came home. Strangely I woke up while she was in the driveway and had just pulled up. Its odd because you can't hear our car at all. At any rate she came in and started taking a shower. I got up and was groggy and found myself digging through her clothes before I really thought about what I was doing. She caught me and I just walked away.
Then she came out of shower in to bedroom and I started picking afight with her. Told her she needed to get a job adn how I didn't appreciate how she hadn't tried to find work yet. She apologized and said she had just been feeling overwhelmed. I talked about surgery some and started picking a fight over the work thing again and other small stuff. Then I realized what I was doing and said "I'm sorry I'm really just angry that you went out last night."
She said she wont be going out again until after she recovers from surgery. I said thats not what I meant and told her that I was upset she was leaving, that we could fix things etc.
We calmly discussed it
She said: - she had tried and was done - that the changes I have been doing made her mad. - She's really high on the idea of taking control of her life and her own household, that she had never been on her own before and she really was looking forward to it - That she's excited to go to school - Said many of the things she tried made her feel bad - Said that when we were going through the "separate" lives in a marriage that she had secretly just given up at that point.
I said: - That I wasn't going to beg her but that I still didn't want our relationship to end. - I agree our relationship sucked I didn't want to be in a relationship with her like we were before. That I thought we needed to burn up our old relationship and destroy it and start new if we were going to work things out. (she seemed affected by this) - Agreed that I had neglected our marriage and that I hadn't made it the #1 priority. - Said the changes I was undergoing were for me and not for her. ( she responded good because many of them are healthy for you) - Said I always supported her and her music and still want to. - Told her we had a lot to work with in our relationship.
She said she didn't think we could and that she's really excited to take care of herself.
I reiterated I wasn't begging but I asked her to at least think about what I said and consider it. She said she would. ( yeah right lol ) then we went our separate ways.
During about the last half if the conversation she was visibly annoyed during the first half she seemed engaged. I asked her what was wrong when she looked like that and she just said she was tired.
We drove to work and that went pretty well.
I didn't whine or beg or cry but I think I showed I was weak. On the other hand I feel good that I told her how I really feel and we discussed it with dignity and respect.
