Guys you really should move your discussion over to another post. This should be for messages directed to Sandi only.
Of course, you're indeed right MrBond - thanks for the reminder. Time2, I encourage you to start your own if you feel up to it - it's helpful to be able to track what's happening. If you're just not feeling ready to though, you're welcome to post on my 'arguments' thread - I'm not using it regularly so feel free. Sincere apologies Sandi.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Sandi... Could I stick around just for tonight? I really want to see if I can do this... No contact. I feel safe with the backrounds of everyone here... Time
Sandi... Could I stick around just for tonight? I really want to see if I can do this... No contact. I feel safe with the backrounds of everyone here... Time
Sure, but what do you mean about feeling safe? Are you leary about starting a thread b/c somebody would discover it that you don't want to read it?
Once you go through that first 24 hrs, you will know that you've got strength to do this.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just checking in to see how everything is going. Hope your holidays are going well.
Hey sweetie, I'm doing pretty good. Still dealing with the fibro effects and don't get to post as often as I'd like. But, more importantly.....how are things around your place? Bet the girls were cute Halloween!
My H & I are still doing well in the M.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I don't know if you noticed my last post on page 14, but was curious if you thought our situation of living apart would have any affect on how I should be approaching my situation with my wife as far as contact/interaction is concerned.
What do you think?
And thank you very much for your help!
-Mike =O)
M: 29, W: 28 Together 8 years, Married 1 (5/16/09) Bomb (LYBNILWY)4/22/10 Affair discovered 5/3/10, began Jan/Feb 2010 Separated 5/22/10 - Present Affair exposed 7/7/10 No children
Most of all I feel emotionally safe, because you have been through almost the identical situation (long term marriage, younger guy, online, health issues) and understand... As does FMV. The guys here also let me see the flip side, and the possibility of forgiveness, working things out, and how you've really got to knock the H over the head! I guess I picked your forum to post specifically because if your background and decision to work out your M.
I wouldn't have gone searching for a site like this if I weren't desperate, but the intensity of it right now does not give me the energy to explain it all over again. I'm also not sure how I'd feel if H discovered EA at this time... So have mostly been posting from my phone, not home PC.
Went on Facebook and did a little detective work... Found OM's profile, and it frankly stunned me how much younger he was, how young his friends are, and his interests (which are pretty cool and include Chess!). Felt very sneaky doing this, but it also made me want to say to him "Sorry! I feel like I'm robbing the cradle!" -- which, of course isn't the reason I should want to break it off, but did pop that fantasy just a little bit more!!!
Nonetheless, I still crave that connection. I think that's why I sent him my pics, so he'd say "Nooooooooo.... Old lady!", which of course he wouldn't because he's too nice but UGhhhh... Just wish he were ugly, gross, or obnoxious in his FB profile. He's not, just very very very YOUNG!!! The women he is friends with are also very attractive and young, which further shines a light on the age difference.
I know, I know, I know ... Shouldn't even go there with these thoughts, but I do:(
Help me ladies... Books, resources, whatever I can immerse myself in to kick this... Because if he weren't so young, I'd be in trouble!!!
Trying to get through the tough evening hours without contact... Dud the walk today, and am beat!!! (He's a work out buff too... ??? How did I put my self-esteem into this... I feel very old, very foolish, very ashamed!!)
my daughter just finished Ethan Fromme by Edith Wharton... Fidelity issues!
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
not posting it to OM, but this is how I feel -- ok, I get it about the mourning part now. I'm right there, don't wanna be but I guess the pain us a necessary part of the process...
There is a book (actually two small books) named "Womens Infidelity" by Michelle Langley. This plus the other things that were hitting me, was a huge enlightment. It talks about 4 stages that a woman in an A goes through. Book 1 is about the first two stages. Book 2 is the last two. I think I ordered it from Amazon. If you can't get both book, then be sure to get book 2, b/c that is what really opened my eyes and made me realize I did not want to end up like that!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
