Disney was a nice break - although a short one. I slept like a log every night and that is unusual for me on vacation. I think I was totally exhausted.
Ryan continues to improve. He is alert and not having any seizures. He is still not walking, though, but we are working towards that. But that presents a problem with his outings with Chuck. Today I decided it was time to deal with that.
I phoned Chuck and told him Ryan was doing better but not well enough to go out in his car (transferring him is very difficult when he won't stand). He understood this. I then told him I thought he would want to see Ryan tommorrow (his normal visitation day) and also for Christmas and I was willing to help make that happen by either letting him visit Ryan in the house or having the nurses take Ryan out to the mall or community center in his wheelchair van and Chuck could then visit him there. He asked me how comfortable I was with either scenario. (I thought that was good on his part).
I told him I was fine with him visiting Ryan in his room. There is a separate entrance through the elevator and he could call the nurse to let him in. I told him I may or may not be here. (I have no plans to visit with him or to bring him into the main living area of my house. I also told him that I was concerned with Ryan going out in this nasty weather - I didn't want him in the dampness at night especially and he agreed. And said he will be happy to visit him in the house.
This felt good. This was long overdue. It also will likely make it easier when I let him know in a couple of months that Ryan and I are moving away. I can be flexible with his visitation.
I guess after nearly 10 years of separation I am finally "getting it". Realizing that doing the right thing isn't always that hard. Although - 10 years ago - he wasn't really open to any kind of friendlieness on my party - he took that as me wanting him back.
I'm hoping to get there too, Barb. I've held my tongue all through the divorce process, and sometimes I fantasize about giving him a piece of my mind once the divorce is done. But in reality, it would serve no good purpose, and would feel kind of like beating a horse when it's down. I'm past it all now, really and truly.
Fellow warrior and survivor I am SO proud of you! It's time. And what a wonderful blessing that Ryan is doing so well. The holidays hopefully will be healthy, joyous and peaceful.
I want to proceed in peace. I never thought that was possible while he was still with HER but he proved he could stand up to her and leave her at home while Ryan was in hospital. This less "in my face" approach is better. And who knows where they are at or who cares.
In a couple of months I will have to tell him about my upcoming move. But by then we should have a more open communication.
And with tongue in cheek I must say - I will bet it bothers maggot to know he is coming to my house and he and I are getting along. LOL!
And on that note - I have communicated fully with Josh about my discussions with Chuck and my decisions around visitation. And he thinks it is a good thing too. So there you go. That is how mature adults behave!
Funny isn't it to feel like an adult in our most difficult relationship. I won't say the ex and I are friends but we can talk about the kids and KU Basketball, so things aren't half bad. lol
Glad that Ryan is doing better. Glad I found you in the alt but I didn't want to bother you on vacation. I hope you got some much needed rest.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I slept like a baby on vacation. I don't think I realized how exhausted I was. Even when I can finally not sleep in Ryan's room - the worry is still there. But he continues to improve and my heart is getting happier again.
OK - totally off topic. But I have to ask - Why are some people so mean?
Anyone who has raised a daughter through the teen years can tell you about the "Mean Girls". I have dealt with this with Ashley (now 22) since she was in elementary school.
Anyway, she was invited to a party tonight by a girl she knew in Kindergarten whom she recently reunited with. They been out a few times. Ash asked if she could bring her boyfriend (whom the girl has met). Ash likes to do nice things for people so she bought the girl a bottle of wine and made her a beaded bracelet.
When Ash got home from work today (to get ready for the party) she had a message from the girl. "Changed my mind about the party. Just my close friends who I know well can come - no significant others unless I really know them". Well of course Ash is hurt. She can't just tell her boyfriend they're not going out tonight. And she had wanted to go to the party but now all the joy is gone.
And of course the mood in our house is anything but light...
It's that power and control thing. Sad that it happens and it makes you wonder if she had set her up all along.
I have always been a bit of a different breed but was always very active in musicals, honor society, choir and our school singing group. I may not have been cool with everybody but somehow I found a place that was good.
Maye Ashley can still call another couple or create her own little party. someone who who did to her what her "friend" did, isn't a real friend anyway. it si the other girls loss.
big hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Ahhhh Kat - I can live with the typing - it's the thought that counts.
I agree. But this happens to her time and time again. It is heartbreaking. She is one of those girls who does too much. For everyone and it seems like no one appreciates it. I was that kind of girl too. And I try to remind her about expectations and all but GEEZ - some people are so damn inconsiderate.
There were tears. There was stress. Cuz when Ashley aint happy - aint nobody happy. Even our 2 kitties were obviously upset.
But a girl she worked with in the summer just came home from school and they're going to hang out. (Maybe Ash can give HER the bracelet) and I guess the party was actually tommorrow night (I'm just the Mom - LOL) so she told her boyfriend he was in charge of planning something for the 2 of them. She was feeling he wasn't "getting" her upset. Too busy playing his video game. I told her that it was a guy thing and also that he is young and that's what guys do at that age. She thinks he should have comforted her. She hates to admit it but that role seems to fall to me.
Thanks for listening. This has been an ongoing problem for a long time. I feel the same way. Sometimes it seems the more you do for someone - the less they appreciate it. I suggested she try to cultivate some new friendships and find people who made an effort. Not that easy I guess.
No edit button, I show my bumbling fingers. lol