Tank, I am absolutely amazed at your strength. If you have read any of my posts then you know if I were in your shoes I would have filed for D a long time ago. I am not strong enough to handle your sitch. So I really respect what you are doing.
I agree with JTB, she reached out to YOU!!! And I also agree that she is sharing a bit too much. But she reached out to YOU.
Her current situation is complete chaos. She will realize at some point that life is better without all the noise. And you will be there to turn the volume down.
God never gives more then you and handle.
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Well, its been a quiet couple of days. Yesterday, my w happened to see some ould comments by my friends on facebook. The comments were in regards to her pawning our wedding rings for $150.
She took great offense to it even though it didnt speak directly about her or the rings. She took such offense that she sent me a not so nice msge and deleted me as a friend.
I simply told her that i was a little hurt by this especially as the kids brought it to my attention that she had dropped me as a friend.
She texted me that it was not appropriate for my friends to say things on the internet etc. I told her that they were my best friends, this is how we communicate and nothing was said specifically and only her and them knew what it was in reference to. I said if she was going to act like a child then keep me off her friends list and i would be fine with it.
So from 1 til 3 yesterday afternoon, i got a text every 5 to 10 mins. The 1st one said "i am sorry for deleting you, i did it in a moment of hurt. Please forgive my stupid behaviou. I have re added you. Do you forgive me?"
She just kept repeating the do you forgive me part for almost 2 hours! At that point she sent me a txt that asked if i was there and would i talk to her. I told her yes.
She called and right away said she over reacted, she was wrong and would i forgive me for her actions and harsh words. I told her I would but I wouldnt play these childish games with her. She said she was sorry and that she would not act that way anymore.
So kind of a twist that she needs me to forgive her for something so stupid. Is it normal for this kind of behaviour?
I do have to say, it felt good to see her lose control like that, to have to have me forgive her, even though it was something dumb.
I'm thinking that your W does not have many she can turn to these days. Family & friends may not be supportive in her decision to leave. She has even said enough to let you know that things aren't stable with OM. (He told her she could stay as long as she needed? Hummm, that raises a flag.)
So, I'd say that she needs you as her friend. Now, in the past I would have choked on those words....but I'm seeing something unfold in this R. If she is talking about negative things with OM, and how she's screwed up her life, etc., don't you think turning to you is a sign of her reaching out to you? I mean, if she was discussing OM's love making techniques....then that would be very inappropriate, but this girl is very unhappy and is seeing "who" is still standing after the smoke lifts. KWIM? OM is there for the good times...but who does she see still standing when everything is going down? Her husband!
I know it's got to be awful to hear some things, but after seeing her react so despartely over the FB thing.....yeah, I think she's seeing where she needs to keep that connection with you. I would even go as far to say that when she was talking about XH and the problem going away if she came back home.....might have been her toes stepping into the water. IDK, but it's something to help you hold on, isn't it?
Maybe you need to think about having her over during Christmas in a different light. Could be a wonderful opportunity.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have decided to let her spend Christmas day at the house. I pick up her Grandma every christmas around 7am so she can watch the kids open presents. This year, I will just have to leave a little earlier to pick up my w.
We talked about it once and I wont bring it up again. I will just show up, she either gets in the car or she doesnt, but I know she will get in the car.
I am reading the DR book alot slower this time and really trying to get my feelings and emotions in check. It is a struggle especially when she talks about OM but so far, so good.
I agree, he is a good time only, but she is missing her family. She gets up in the morning and plays POGO online and watches tv, thats it. OM is supporting her now, dont think this will last long. I honestly think she is in depression, she isnt taking care of herself (appearance) and she isnt sleeping. She has the biggest bags under her eyes.
I am not hoping for the world just yet, but i do see this as a positive. A baby step at a time.
Oh, i see that I didnt provide enough information. We talked, she said she wanted to come, I told her I would be there, either she gets in to come or she doewnt, but i wasnt going to debate it or talk about it anymore.
With her she talks about things and changes her mind 1000 times on the same issue. So i want her at the house, she wants to be at the house so I said i would not talk about it more.
With her she talks about things and changes her mind 1000 times on the same issue.
Isn't that fun to experience?
Alright tank, good point thanks for the clarification and good choice on the follow through with the way you are doing it.
Suggest, that it is a day of goodwill and peace and Santa and such, if she doesn't, do your damndest to enjoy the day with your kids, her loss. And it doesn't have to be yours either.
Take pictures.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
