The Rollercoaster Ride......

[seeking answers]

Lorie,

Unfortunately, it's par for the course early on in the sitch.

As you go on and become more centered you will find that it eases.

Keep the focus on you, be kind to yourself and the anxiety will lessen.

If it doesn't, a lot of folks turn to their Dr. for help to sleep and or anxiety.

[kissak]

I use to be that way. The first thoughts I would have would be of my H and all he had done to our family. Now I can say that it takes a little bit longer for thoughts of him to come to mind.

[ericmsant2]

Welcome Lorie!

On the other I know that I am beautiful, strong and that God will be there for me no matter what happens with my husband. We will see how the journey goes, but I think I have found the right place to vent and get information.

Good mindset to have. Remember this.

I have been on this rollercoaster for about 2 months now

So how long do you plan to stay on this rollercoaster?

I am not sure I can handle the long ride.

You will actually be surprised at how much you can handle. So how much can you handle? How much are willing to give?

but sometimes it is so hurtful to hear him rewrite our history.

They all do. Guess what YOU do not have too though.

Sitch currently is that I am trying to just remain friends

Just remember HIS definition of friends may very well be different. I have found that a friendship with an MLC works as long as YOU agree with everything they say. You may find that the friendship will change over time. Never lose yourself in the friendship.

The problem is he stays for about an hour afterwards and it drives me crazy

You could always ask him to leave. What are you afraid of?

I am nice to him because I want to tread lightly

Why tread lightly? Be nice because you want to NOT because you think it will result in something else. FYI…may come a time when nice is also accepting what YOU can and cannot live with.

But how do I set a boundary here

HOW is not really the question….I believe the question should be WHY.

So, I want to just let go and just take care of me.

And what is stopping you?

Detaching is just so hard.

Hard is an understatement. It takes time…so be patient with yourself.

He still hugs me when he leaves and I am just not sure if I should let this be happening?

Who the hel* know if IT should be happening. The question is DO YOU FEEL comfortable with it.

The problem is I can't stand to be around him for long, because it just makes me uncomfortable.

Solution to the problem is simple……be around him as long as YOU can stand to. When you do not want to be around him – don’t.

I have and am afraid I won't be able to hide it from his as well as I have been.

Afraid, fear, panic….all of these emotion can really mess with your head. I am sorry to say but you have two options….
1) Run or 2) face them
Which will you choose?

BTW, can you list your goals?

God Bless,
Eric

[Lorie1964]

Wow Eric, you sure are on top of things. I am working on making choices for me! It may not seem like at times when I post because I am venting or journaling. Sometimes I just need to get things off my chest. I know that I shouldn't let things get to me, but that is easier said than done! I am a work in progress. Keep me on target, PLEASE!

[ericmsant2]

Lorie,

The most important concept you can grasp...and trust me it will take time...is this...

LET GO.

Take a step back and sit down and figure out what YOU want for YOU. What do you want your life to look like in the future.

Happy New Year

Eric

[Lorie1964]

Eric, thanks, and I am working detaching and letting go. Reading some of the posts here have definitely made me realize the sooner I let go, the sooner I regain my own power.

[Lorie1964]

Today is going to be an interested day. D wanted us to have a family fun day so H is going with us to play putt putt golf. I am doing this for my D, but I have set some goals for myself today.

Have a PMA
Be present and have fun
Act "as if" we are good friends just having fun
If he is texting OW, act "as if" it is just a friend and is none of my business.
Maybe flirt as little, if and only if I feel like it

Wish me luck and I will post later.

[ericmsant2]

Lorie,

1) good luck
2) as hard as it is PLEASE....let me repeat PLEASE...set your expectation at ZERO. Please.

Eric

[Lorie1964]

Today went extremely well. All my goals were met and I feel at peace with it.

Eric, I did not have any expectations at all. Just expectations about myself. I did well, we had tons of fun. My D enjoyed it very much and we both thanks H for coming. He said it was fun and we should do it again. We hugged and left and that was it. I wont see or hear from him until next Wed. when he comes to take D for driving lesson. I am good with that too. I feel more in control of my life and I am happy with leaving him today with a bit of fun family time for him to remember.

Tomorrow night is New Year's eve and I have nothing planned. But I am going to dress up and drink some wine to ring in the new year and know that whatever happens, I am going to be in a better mental place.

Happy New Year everyone!

[Golfgirl1]

Lorie,

My XH did the same thing! Texted OW right in front of me. I guess I see things differently than some others on here. Mad? You bet I was! For awhile I tried the DB techniques, but I have to say that I think most of these WAS are emotionally "gone" and aren't coming back. Are there some that return and stay for good? I'm sure, but I don't think many.

I filed immediately because I didn't want to end up in financial ruin like many people have. My advice is to be smart, be selfish, and do for YOU! Have that PMA for YOU! Who cares about the lying, cheating man that he has become. MLC or not, it's disrespectful and why should anyone be treated like that?

I LOVED my marriage, but you know what? I'm doing just fine as a single girl. Believe it or not, I am SO happy and have the friends I never thought I would ever have. There is a great life out there for you. So, you decide what you want. Put H in a little box on a shelf somewhere and learn all about you. You'll figure out what to do.....