Today is Christmas day. H was here to open presents and he even bought me one, which I was not expecting. He cooked breakfast and then got showered and left. Though he gave me a kiss when he left, I think he did it out of guilt and obligation. I am sure he is heading to see OW. I am devastated! I am heart broken and don't know how I will survive this, especially if it last for months and months! I just want him to tell me he loves me and hold me again. I swear this emotional roller coaster is killing me! I just want to wake up from this nightmare!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Well, I keep posting here, and it never shows up. I think I must be doing something wrong. But, it helps to read posts and just journal here so I keep trying.
Today I will be taking D to in-laws for Christmas. I know that H will be there and I am trying to not be too anxious about it. My MIL and I are very close and she really wanted me to attend today's events. I really feel that going is more for her and D than for me. I am working on getting my PMA up to very high so that I can enjoy myself and H will see that I am not down in the dumps worrying about what his is doing and whether he cares about me or not. I am just going to be my happy self and enjoy time with my in-laws and nieces and nephews.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Well, now that Christmas is over I am feeling alot less stress about the days. Just focusing on spending this last week of school break with D. We are going shopping today, but one day this week D wants to have a family day with her BF, myself and H. I am not going to stress about this, I am not going to stress about this.
I am still focusing on finding a job, because I have a feeling that H feels too attached to us financially. I feel once I have a job then we can work more on dividing things financially and giving him more space to understand how this isn't going to be the greatest decision to not leave. But, I am trying not to mind read and just know I will feel better when I do not need to depend on him financially. Please everyone pray that I find a job soon!!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I know that I am just journaling and am not getting too many responses, but I am just going to keep doing it. It helps me so much! Today I woke up feeling alot of peace. Even though I am going through all of this crap, I am letting go of the past and as the New Year approached I know that I am going to be okay. I will still have my good days and bad days. But, I know that I will okay. I am letting go of H and moving forward. It feels so right. Do I want him to clear his head out of this MLC, yes, but I can't do it for him. I will be here if this ever happens, but if it doesn't I have never needed him to survive and I know I don't need him now. Our marriage was special, we didn't get married until we were in our late twenties, and we both felt God brought us together. I feel if it is truly the case, then our hearts will forever be entwined. Will I ever love again, I don't know, but I am sure that I love myself and him enough to let go. So, I am dropping the rope and my life is going to be great in 2011!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Wishing you the best Lorie...its not an easy journey thats for sure. I will say that every day it gets a bit easier. Im learning to do this all over again. After letting my H come back for almost a year, Im trying to get over him again. Im trying to deal with him having an OW again. It is NOT any easier this time around but Im learning to handle it better.
Im hoping for a great 2011 for you!! For all of us!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Sorry you are not getting to many responses. This is a very long hard journey that we are all on. You must look at yourself and try to set goals for what YOU want.
How are the homework assignments coming. You have not asked any questions about them so I hope they are clear and helping you. I know that I found a lot of peace by reading what is here.
I am also hoping that you are now out of "moderation" mode and your posts are showing up a little faster.
Keep journaling and don't be afraid to ask questions. The only bad one is the one you don't ask.
I have done the homework reading and I am still reading other things as well. I don't have too many questions, as there are so many answers here on the board reading. Plus I am reading DB again and a couple of other books are on the way to read. I am expecting the new year to be a great one for me and all of us here!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
It's possible being that it's a holiday week a lot of folks are off the boards. It should return to normal next week and hopefully you'll have more responses.
Just remember that there is no quick fix to this. Your H will most likely be on this journey for a long time.
Take Cadet's advice and set your goals for yourself. You've been given the gift of time in this and it will be what you make of it.
We are all here for each other so don't hesitate to ask if something get confusing. More than likely somebody's been through it or something similar.
Thank you and I am taking advice and reading alot. I know this will be a long road and time is my friend. I really do feel good about working on goals for me. I am still gathering information so that I will be able to get my goals in a concise manner.
I know that posters will post more as I open up more too. Reading my past posts, I am still so reserved.
Thanks!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Today I am feeling a little anxious and I am not sure why. I remain focused on my goals. I did not sleep to well last night, and I wonder, do you ever stop waking up thinking about H? I woke up what seems like a million times, and each time H and my sitch was on my mind. Every morning I wake up thinking about H. I want that to stop!!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
