Good work Lorie! I know how difficult this truly is!
I know what you are feeling. As you read more about MLC - you realize that no one truly knows what will happen. I've recently read a book called "Runaway Husbands" - I was amazed at how dead on the descriptions were.
Doesn't really matter - our H's have taken a different path that currently does not include us. therefore - what does OUR path look like? I've never really thought about this before - I was so happy being in this relationship. Now I have to "re-learn" everything!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Lorie, I've just read through your sitch for the first time. (((HUGS)))).
You're working really hard, and you should be commended for that. I'm glad you are journaling. Even if a day goes by and no one responds, keep doing it. It's good for you.
I wanted to touch on the fact that you said you even cooked for yourself. This phrase hit me because I was a big cook before--not every day, but a few times a week, I'd make a really impressive meal for me and H. I was very active in a FB group that took pics and shared our cooking. It took me MONTHS to cook for myself. I still have a hard time doing it. I feel like I have to invite a friend over or I can't do it!!
I know this is a sign of depression, so if you're crossing that bridge and cooking, you're doing well, because it means you're taking time to care for yourself. That's so important.
I'll keep up with reading your sitch and try to find you on the alt (fb).
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I just read what you posted on my wall, and I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I know that right after my bomb dropped July 3rd. I would settle for the "scraps" of his attention. I craved it - even if it was just a simple text message.
I does get easier with time. Your recovery from painful situations becomes almost immediate.
When I say it get easier - I don't mean it goes away. At least it hasn't for me. If I truly detach right now - it will be the first time I have ever gone completely dark.
Hang in there ((hugs))
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Antonia, I usually and not the cook, my H is a fabulous cook and I miss that. Generally when I am alone, I don't cook for myself so that is a treat to me.
TAMF- This has a been a really rough morning for me. I cried and sobbed so much. I have been doing so good and today has just started out bad. I miss H terribly, I ache for him and just pray ALOT! I have never felt more alone in my whole life. I just wish he thought about me enough to just check in with me, but my head knows that is not going to happen.
Thank you all for the hugs and kind words.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
After writing the above and then crying some more, I cried out to God for help. Now I know this will seem silly to many of you, but, 30 mins later, H texted me! It was nothing serious or even him checking on me, he was asking a question about a news story he was working on. But, I felt it was a sign that God heard my cry and it was a way for him to let me know to be patient and things will be okay.
I am not having delusions that H is trying to get back with me or anything. But, after not hearing from him for 4 days, it was interesting to get the text. We only texted about what he needed and that was it.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie, no its not silly. God knows when we are at breaking point and gives us some relief, no matter how small. Its has happened to me many times. And I have learned to ask more, and listen more.
I know sometimes I think its so pathetic that the smallest scraps of attention, texts, calls are enough to get us through the day. In the early part of my sitch I would even ask him to call me, and I still felt happy when he acquiesced, thinking that at least he cared enough to do so. Now I have grown stronger, and less dependent on those scraps.
Take care!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
So, today I am going to meet a friend for lunch and have some fun. This evening H is coming to take D driving and then the three of us are going out to eat pizza. D's idea. We have not seen him since last Thursday. I am getting my PMA so that I have no expectations, and enjoy our time together.
I have to say right now, I am very lucky that H is not mean about any of this, so I feel I can be comfortable around H.
Everyone have a great day!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
my H has never been mean - has always been there for me financially, for the girls, does things around the house. We are friends. This is my problem you see? The only thing he does wrong is love another woman and sleep with her.
[censored], but could be worse.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
my H has never been mean - has always been there for me financially, for the girls, does things around the house. We are friends. This is my problem you see? The only thing he does wrong is love another woman and sleep with her.
[censored], but could be worse.
I can say the same thing for me. I would trust my H with anything in my life...other than to be faithful and love another woman Its a hard thing to deal with.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I am glad that both your H's aren't mean either. I have read and heard so many who are so mean.
We did go out for pizza and it was fun. I was relaxed and comfortable. I was glad he did not sit next to me as he usually does, and he sat next to D. Though she was on the edge of the booth as far from him as she could get. I think she is still struggling with her feelings about all this when she is around him. I wish she would just talk to him, but she says she just doesn't like confrontation. Which she gets from her father.
When we got back to the house, I didn't invite him to stay, but walked out with him. We chit chatted for a few minutes and he hugged me goodbye. I just look at him sometimes and think, "what happened to the man who loved me so much?" I just wish I could shut off my feelings as easy as it seems he is able to.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Its a hard thing to deal with.