Sometimes I think that these things happen because of a reason. I myself have found many positive things in this sitch, I have started learning patience, how not to be angry, how to rise above my emotions, and am trying to look deep into myself, trying to figure out if my H and I are co-dependent. This plus so many other things.
Keep on praying - the Lord will not give us something we cannot handle.
I remember someone saying that if it won't kill you it will make you stronger. It is a journey not only for our H but also for ourselves.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Keep on praying - the Lord will not give us something we cannot handle.
I remember someone saying that if it won't kill you it will make you stronger. It is a journey not only for our H but also for ourselves.
Angel, I believe this whole heartily. No matter what happens, we will come through stronger, and self actualized as to who we are and what we really want and need in life.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Today has been a hard day. D is with H this weekend and I do feel lonely. I went to a movie with a friend and then we had coffee, but coming back to the house just puts me into that loneliness. I have developed a chest cold, and I think that is part of the problem too. I don't feel well and I want someone here to feel sorry for me. LOL!
I hope everyone else if having a great weekend! God Bless
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Why don't you sit down and write yourself a list of all the things you would like to do when your daughter is not home.....take a long bath, give yourself a pedicure, read, craft, geneaology, baking, jigsaw, movie, meditation etc. Keep the list in your pantry and refer to it whenever you are feeling at a loss. Insist to yourself that you must choose one thing off the list to keep yourself occupied.
Lorie that loneliness when you come home by yourself is going to dissipate. I'm looking at your timeline and I was feeling that at the same time too, but eventually it started to lessen. Each day it will ache a teensy bit less. It will be imperceptible, that change, but if you consider how you feel now and think about this in a month, it'll be different. I think the cold has a lot to do with it being worse too. The first time I was sick with H gone was a toughie for me. The second time, less so.
What made me start to feel less lonely was rearranging things in the house. I guess it just felt less like "our" house and more like "my" house. Maybe you can try just moving furniture around, rearranging pictures, that sort of thing. It might help.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Oh and Cas that is an EXCELLENT suggestion!! I have a mental list but I bet you a written list is more powerful.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Thank you both so much! I know that I am still new and some of these feelings will dissipate eventually. I have always enjoyed time by myself, but this has been so much more.
Cas, that is a great idea and I did go to the library to get a new book to read. I just need to write a list for these times.
Tonight was D's marching band banquet and it went really well until they showed a slideshow of the past season. I would look at those pictures and it just reminded me that my H was having an affair during those times! I could not even be happy for the kids. I was so mad at myself for that. But, I came home and let myself cry and then I was done. Of course, now I have a headache.
Hugs to you all!
God Bless,
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie...I understand the loneliness. It was horrible in the beginning for me. I would pretty much only come home to sleep on the weekends my kids werent there. Now I enjoy the time I have at home alone. It will bother me still but only if I let it. Its a good idea to have a list of things to do to keep you occupied though.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I am throwing this idea that has been with me for a couple of days now to see what you all think.
My D had a horrible time with H this weekend due to H staying at hi parents house. She is 16 and had a BF and doesn't get to see him like she does when she is here at the house. I allow him to come and hang out here with us. D said that her grandpa was grumpy the whole weekend, and in turn H was grumpy too. I feel like this was his seeing some of the consequences of his actions.
But, now, my idea is to offer for H to come stay here on his weekends with D. I could stay out of the way as much as possible, stay in my bedroom or basement. I could come and go as I needed and they could come and go as needed, H is still responsible to get her back and forth to various activities. D would feel much more comfortable in her own home. H could stay in the guest room as he did Christmas eve.
There are good things I see coming from this:
1) D would be much more comfortable. 2) H would see changes I have made. 3) H would possibly feel more comfortable with D here.
The bad things I see that could come of this:
1) I would feel like a guest in my own home. 2) Can I emotionally handle H being here and be totally detached?
What do you all think? Plus, if I am really being honest with myself, I want H to see how life here is not as bad as he thinks it is. I will not pursue, I will not initiate and I will not try to talk with him other than friendly conversation he may bring up.
Of course, he could say no, he doesn't want to do this either. I guess if I do bring it to his attention, then I have to have exactly 0 expectations.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
1) D would be much more comfortable. 2) H would see changes I have made. 3) H would possibly feel more comfortable with D here.
The bad things I see that could come of this:
1) I would feel like a guest in my own home. 2) Can I emotionally handle H being here and be totally detached?
Take a good hard look at the list you made. The good things have nothing to do with you. The bad things have everything to do with you. You have answered your own question. You must do what is right FOR YOU. Yeah, it stinks for your D. That is not your fault. You cannot fix your H's relationship with your D. Yes, your D suffers the consequences and it is often that part that makes it the most difficult. But the situation is the way it is because of the choice that your H has made. If he were to ASK, then perhaps that would be something different. But in my opinion, as you said, this is all about trying to subtly manipulate your H into opening his eyes and that type of manipulation does not work. By offering, you are both initiating and pursuing. Don't do it.
"Love me when I least deserve it, for that is when I need it the most"
M18 Me39,H42 D16 Bomb 1/10 Moved out 3/10 OW 6/10 H wants to R,OW gone 11/10 H moves back 5/11 H wants to wear rings again 9/11
