Oh I agree totally with Albuquerque on this one. You remind me of me a few months ago. There are ways we have learned to rationalize scenarios that put us in touch with our H's that appear to be "the best thing for someone" but not the best thing for us. I think if you carried this plan out, you'd end the weekend feeling shattered. It is terrible what this does to people's children, but you have to be the rock so you can get them through it. So I'm glad to hear you posted and got feedback and changed your mind.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Thanks A! That is why I posted here. Everyone keeps myself focused on the right thing, which is to take care of me.
So, this morning, I got up and my house was 55 degrees, which really bugged me because we had a new furnace put in this summer. Of course the first person I wanted to call was H. But, I gathered my wits about myself and called the company who installed it. They are here now and believe that my gas line is frozen because I don't have hot water either. So, I am taking care of my and my D by NOT calling H and calling the right people. H couldn't have fixed it anyways! LOL!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
GOOD FOR YOU in not calling him first. I still struggle with that. The first I didn't call him first was when I had a flat the other day. I called triple A. Like you said they can't help us anyway, but I think we want to call them because we want sympathy. It's hard to learn a new approach but with practice it will stick.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Thanks everyone! It does feel empowering to be able to think clearly and know that I can take care of things myself. I am still on the job hunt and now will be happy to take anything! I just need to have a job to get out of this house. I need to be around others and enjoy some more socializing.
I am excited to say that I am going to be helping out a friend tonight at the Arthritis Foundation 8-ball tournament. It is a pool tournament that I have helped at for about 3 years and really enjoy it. I don't play pool but find the people are so nice and fun to be around. I am looking forward to it. D will be with H at basketball games. They both love photography and she is taking pics for the yearbook.
Everyone have a blessed day!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
This reminds me too of the choice I had to make in my sitch. In mine, my H wanted to S but at the same time live a few days in the house. It was him who wanted it, saying that it would be good for D12. This would have resulted in a sitch similar to yours.
I immediately thought of it as cake eating - he would have the leeway to pursue OW while not feeling guilty about not meeting his paternal and family obligations. But what about myself? i would be in pain, seeing him, knowing he was pursuing OW.
I said no, would rather have a clean cut - divorce! Well, for now he has chosen to stay at home. Maybe he might rekindle EA in hiding, which of course no matter what happens I will ultimately find out and he would have to face the consequences, maybe he may later choose to leave ..... I don't know. But at least for now the situation is as I prefer it and is under my control.
Its is empowering to be able to think clearly, and so good that we have examples to follow from other people.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Well, last night was first night I have really dreamed of H and remembered the dream. H wanted to reconcile, and it was a happy dream. Why do we dream these things and then wake up to the nightmare. I am not going to let it bother my day. Which is why I am posting it here, writing it gets it totally out of my mind and helps me to get on with my day.
I think I dreamed it because I saw H last night when he brought D home. Just goofy to dream such things!!
Everyone have a great day!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Today has been one of those days where I really feel like I am in limbo. I have repeated my mantra of patience, patience and more patience. I am just feeling blah. I want this craziness to end. I will see my H tonight at the basketball game where D is dancing at halftime. I am working on getting my PMA going so that I can act 'as if' and enjoy myself. I am not going to have any expectations. I am going to dress nice for me, and I may try to hone my skills of flirting. I will let you know how it went later. I hope everyone is having a fantastic Saturday!
God Bless
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
The main thing is that you GO. For yourself and for your D. The looking nice is also for you and D, although I'm sure you always do. The flirting? Do you mean with H or others? JMO, but I think I'd hold off on both for the moment. It hasn't been but a couple of months, and any move at this time could be a false one. Have a good evening.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
