I read alot of the old posters on here and this is what I found tonight:
SOMETHING I FOUND HERE:
Another tidbit for the recently Betrayeds out there. This time I'll write more directly to the B.Wives...again it's equally applicable to BH's.
Wayward Spouses ALWAYS affair down. They NEED someone beneath them, who will admire them and give them feigned respect. Your husband is not seeking out the younger, better looking woman, he is taking whatever opportunity presents itself and meets his needs for sex, admiration, and boosts his self-esteem. SHE IS NOT SPECIAL. If she happens to be younger and pretty that is just the luck of the draw and a RARITY...most of the time it IS NOT the case. After reading here you will discover that the OW could have been anyone and your husband's choice of OW was not in any way an indication or indictment of you as a beautiful, attractive, desirable, intelligent, mature, moral, loyal, spiritual woman, wife and mother. OW is, I guarantee, no match for you.
Think of it this way, your husband is behaving low and dirty. Thus it necessarily takes a pretty low class woman to admire him at this point ... DO NOT allow this trash to rock your self confidence. You may or may not have let yourself go...but you can get it back and be the classy, beautiful, respectful, upstanding, Grade A woman you always were whereas the Other Woman WILL ALWAYS remain trash."
This is so my H! He has totally affaired down. It just makes me sad to realize he would rather be with that than with me. :-(
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Hmmm...look at it this way: for all that they claim they have their act together and know what they're doing and feel great about it, that's all a bunch of lies they tell us and themselves. The bottom line is on some level, he knows it, hence you're too good for him right now. He has to pick someone who would also sink to his level to make himself feel good. Misery loves company. She's as broken as he is. It makes him feel less alone in his actions because someone else is doing something wrong right along with him.
I can't imagine the stories that the OWs tell themselves about these guys to justify being attracted to them. They're as delusional as the married men they get involved with.
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
You are so right. I think his ability to stay away and out of contact with me does have to do with what he feels about himself. You know, reading all the MLC stuff, I believe the big thing that is missing with my H is that he had a great childhood. No abuse or horrible tragedies like I had as a child. His parents are still married, mine divorced when I was young. I was sexually abuse for 10 years by my stepfather. All I can see as H's childhood issues is that his brother was and still is a very talented musician. He plays by ear and has been in bands since he was in high school. H has said in the past he felt he was not good enough for his parents because he was never able to be as good as his brother. I can see this, even in how they the treat our D vs. our nephews. Though, they love all of us there is a difference in the treatment that we as parents have seen. Maybe this was his trigger over the past couple of years for H.
H's brother has done nothing but make bad choices for the past 10 years. He got addicted to drugs and his wife divorced him, he is a mess. Maybe H has decided to go this route too in order to see if his parents will accept him more like his brother. It is crazy! His parents have been so proud of him and has always treated me like the daughter they never had.
Okay, just started rambling there! Thanks for all the support. H is coming to spend the weekend here today so he can spend time with D while his parents are remodeling their living room. I am a little anxious, but I have some things planned to keep me busy, and I was offered a free ticket from a friend to go see Darius Rucker and Brad Paisley tomorrow night. I am excited about that and it will be fun!!
I am not looking for anything from H other than him being a dad. No expectations about this weekend at all!
God is in control! God Bless everyone!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
H has been here this evening and things seem to be going okay. I definitely like not having expectations. D16 doesn't want to do too much with him, so we are just hanging out and watching TV. I let H pick the shows since mine were reruns. I will probably be going to bed soon though, I am one tired puppy and I need my rest for the concert tomorrow night.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I hope everyone had a great weekend. The concert was AWESOME!!! I had so much fun. Having H around was not so bad, I stayed with no expectations and things went smooth. He even hugged me and called me Dear. Now I probably won't hear much from him this week, but that is okay. I am still praying for him and just taking care of me. I know I am still struggling with my detachment issues, but I felt that I did really well while he was here and was not even depressed when he left today. God Bless you all!!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie - LOVE Darius as well! Have seen him in Louisville a couple of times! Glad you were able to keep your expectations low. My H has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with me! It's hard to read these posts about people who's Hs have some interaction. Mine walks around as if he is king of the world! IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB I am sorry that you H walks around like he is the king of the world. We all know that he isn't. I really do not have much interaction with my H, only about D16. I think not having expectations from H is really hard sometimes, but I believe praying about it has helped me.
Thanks Punkin for checking in on my, it was a great time. Now on to the boring week ahead, looking for a job. I do have an interview today!
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
