Have faith in yourself and you alone. Alot of your sitch is over the top. Remove yourself from the drama. Even when you see her, take as if you were seeing a sitter. Don't get pulled into it as hard as you can.
My W threatened to call the cops on me when my D was sick. She said I was witholding her. I told her to go ahead. Once I called her bluff, she backed off.
Point is she and your FIL are going to do whatever to create drama. Do what you can to protect yourself and your children from these bad influences.
Keep looking for that job with the intention of using it to provide for your kids.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Have faith in yourself and you alone. Alot of your sitch is over the top. Remove yourself from the drama. Even when you see her, take as if you were seeing a sitter. Don't get pulled into it as hard as you can.
My W threatened to call the cops on me when my D was sick. She said I was witholding her. I told her to go ahead. Once I called her bluff, she backed off.
Point is she and your FIL are going to do whatever to create drama. Do what you can to protect yourself and your children from these bad influences.
Keep looking for that job with the intention of using it to provide for your kids.
Most of the time, there is nothing to be pulled into. She almost acts as if I am not even there, annoyed by my sheer existence and presence. I don't know what to do to break down that wall. I know she is disgusted that I don't have a job, but on the flip side, me getting a job might just be what she is looking for as her escape.
She was pissed off at her father over the whole mess he created, but it sure doesn't help my cause.
I don't know what to have faith in. I feel like I have been backsliding a little bit with my kids(not when W is around) I don't have a job yet. I am displaced from my home(yeah, I know, my choice) and my W can't stand my existence. I am unsure of what strategy I need to be trying.
M42 W38 D5D7 M8 Living as 'roomates' since 9-12-10 Moved out 1-7-11 FIL threatened to kill me 1-20-11
LRT man. That is your strategy. DETACH, GO DARK, 180... Make her miss you. Her present attitude will NOT last forever.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Instead of thinking getting a job will end the situation I would think getting a job will actually be a 180. People who always agree with W can actually work in your favor. If you do what you are suppose to do and take care of self don't worry about what anybody is telling her. Remember you have the chance to show your changes, not through words but through actions.
MJ, I second that. Getting a job needs to be your number one priority. Why? First, you will feel better about yourself and your sitch. Two, you will be able to get over your fear that your children aren't looking at you in a favorable light. Three, you will have the monetary means to defend yourself should she hit you with the D. All of these things will work to make you stronger and more able to DB or at least protect yourself. I know, right now you feel vulnerable. You feel like she has you by the sack. If you wallow in this, she will continue to have you. Get that job, man! Get some income and then you will be one step higher on the ladder than you are right now. It will feel better and your mind will clear a bit because you will have something new to focus on.
Think of it this way. Have you ever had a problem in your life that you have figuratively stood in front of for days and cannot get around it? So, what happens? You get pissed and walk away for some time. Then, when you least expect it... BAM! The solution hits you right between the eyes. Focus on the job search, leave the W, the IL's and the drama alone for now. Once you have that job and you feel better and are thinking better... BAM. You just might find what you need to begin successfully DB'ing again. Just give it some thought.
BITS never walk alone!
FOBD
Me: 39 W: 36 T: 15 yrs M: 9 yrs S: 09/10
So you can get on with your search, baby And I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, That it wasn't really wasted time...
I know you guys are right and I am getting closer. I have one offer on the table and a 3rd interview tomorrow for a job I really want. It just tears me up everytime I see her and the look on her face and the way she talks to me. I just want to slap her and tell her, "Dammit, get over yourself and do the right thing and let's work this sh!t out!!!"
M42 W38 D5D7 M8 Living as 'roomates' since 9-12-10 Moved out 1-7-11 FIL threatened to kill me 1-20-11
I feel like that MJ about 100 times a day. When I was an infantry squad leader in the Army I was very close, and still am, with a guy who believed the same things as me. We both were completely insync on how to train and lead soldiers. One major difference. I used the bull in the china shop approach with my cahin of command because I believed they were screwed up. They were! I was called the rogue SGT. My squad was almost among the best in everything we did and my men would walk through fire for me. They were loyal to me! My friend was no different his squad loved him.
One big difference. I kept getting screwed and he got lot's of praise and medals. Why. Because he was smart and I was not. He played the game. All smiles and very political the comand thought he was great. Little did they know once out of sight he did what ever he wanted. I on the other hand was upfront. "you want me to do what? That's retarded LT" what did I get? A lot of added stress.
The point is in a situation like this you must control your emotions and remind calm and truly practice it or you will never get the upper hand. If they go ahead with the D let them go into it thinking you were fine with it and smiled all the way to the court even if go home later and crawl into the bathtub naked and screaming.
When I talk to my W and she seems so happy it is tearing me up truth is she is a much better DBer than I am. Go figure!
When is your interview today? I want to make sure I am praying. I hope that this works out for you. I just think once you choose one of these jobs and get working, you are going to feel so much better about yourself and things. I also think that this is going to go a long way to you getting back control. I completely understand wanting to smack her and tell her to get over herself. They do get these inflated egos with this crap, don't they? It's sickening, to tell you the truth. Kicking people when they are down is wrong on so many levels, but so many people do it. Many without realizing it.
I was watching American Idol last night. The last scene was about a guy who was engaged to be married. His fiancee was absolutely gorgeous and full of life. 2 months before the marriage, she got into a major accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury. He goes to take care of her everyday with her mother. He said in two months I was going to make the vows to her, "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health." He said, "what was I going to do, leave her when she needed me most. There was no way I could do that." I'll tell you, I was incredibly humbled. My H was in the other room listening to the same thing. I went out to the kitchen to get a drink, and there wasn't a peep out of him.
Thanks for checking in LIS. It is at 2:15 MST. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. I don't know in the long run whether it will help my M or not, but at least it will give me back my self esteem and a sense of worth.
The fact of the matter is that I still feel deep down inside that my W is too far gone, but...
Can't seem to shake that feeling.
B.I.T.S.
M42 W38 D5D7 M8 Living as 'roomates' since 9-12-10 Moved out 1-7-11 FIL threatened to kill me 1-20-11
