Nothing much to report...H still away with OW...hardly had any communication with him since he left.
H's sister called me 2x, I wasn't home either time...left me messages that she will call again today...wonder if she is going to ask me if they can stay at my place when they visit...H didn't bring it up again after we had the fight about it....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I have to admit that I had a rough week and weekend. I was pretty sad and nostalgic. D was away staying in H's apartment while he is away, so I was alone all week...gave me a picture of what life will be like once she is off to school in Sept...empty nest feelings for sure....it's bad enough when your kids leave...in my case my H is gone too...missed my family...felt really alone in the world...on the top of it all went to a memorial service for a former colleague and that was pretty emotional as well...way to young to die....
In a sense it made me realize how much my life has become about me....in the end is only me...my family was my everything, it defined me, taking care of them made me happy, my H and my D were always my priority...now I'm faced with re-defining myself and I'm responsible for my future happiness....it will be what I'll make it...nobody else but me...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I know these thoughts and feelings well...I still have D12 to raise, and yes there are a couple older kids that live here still, but they have their own lives and basically this is just a place to lay their heads at night.
I am not used to thinking about myself either. It was my H and family that my life centered around. I understand you saying it defined you, it did me as well. Personally, I was happy with that.
Now, at this time in my life when it could have been mainly about H and myself, I no longer have that option. So, I agree with you, it'll be what we make of it.
In a sense it made me realize how much my life has become about me....in the end is only me...my family was my everything, it defined me, taking care of them made me happy, my H and my D were always my priority...now I'm faced with re-defining myself and I'm responsible for my future happiness....it will be what I'll make it...nobody else but me...
Sounds good Mila! (((HUGS)))
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Still struggling...feeling trapt in my situation...sending out resumes with no success so far....need do find a job and get out of this business mess with my MLC'r.
H didn't really communicate with me all last week about business or anything else...and this morning I get a dry email....no Hi or how are you or any politeness, just "get my rent cheque ready and give it to D or put it in the mail box"....
I'm sick and tired of being in this position....I'm resentful that he only contacts me to order me to do things for him...when he needs something....other then that I could be dead and he wouldn't notice....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Im sorry he is treating you this way Mila....I can understand the resentment. Fighting with quite a bit of it myself lately.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I know how you feel......our exsistence to them is that we dont exist.......mine could care less whether I am alive or dead.......but I am alive and doing well.....I cant wait for the what "Goes around comes around".......and even if it doesnt I know I gave it my all......We are going to be alright.....each and every single one of us..... We will just sit by and watch them fall and they will struggle to get back up..... Then it will be up to us, the LBS, whether we throw them a net or not....Irma
