M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I am new to the site so I apologize up front for perhaps mis-stepping.
I have been served with Divorce papers along with a No Contact stipulation. I have two sons 9 and 11 and love them dearly. Over the past year I had some serious side effects from a Allergy drug, was recently diagnosed with extremely low testosterone at 41, and extremely low Vitamin D. I have letter from my doctor saying that these all contributed to my behavioral issues. These made me quick to anger,wicked mood swings, and anxiety. I know this is not an excuse so I am also seeing a therapist once a week for the past 7 weeks and identified that these medications caused me to have a severe depression, which caused me to wall off from my wife and not listen to her begging for me to get help.
Since she filed I have done serious personal reflection and determined that I have to make significant life changes. I am no longer taking that medication, I am getting testosterone injections, and Vitamin D medication. I can honestly say I feel better than I have both physically and mentally than I have in 5 years for sure. I have had several co-workers, friends, and family comment on how I am back to my old self, but my wife wants to see none of it. She told me that she is glad for me but its too late, that anyone can change for 6 weeks and we'll see in a year. She said why can't you just be mean to me I am used to that (but this nice person is my true self that has been hidden for a year). She says she will go to therapy once the divorce is final, but that seems backwards. I have friends telling me what I want to hear and others telling me the exact opposite. She has her Mom and Dad basically living with her to help with the kids and her Dad has said we can't see her is pain anymore.
So my I am not sure if this is the forum, but can this workshop really help both of us come to grips with what is happening. I am not saying being married is the best for us, I am just wanting to slow the process down and try all of our options before jumping.
Hello, I have put a few posts out there last week. I am not seeing them. Am I doing something wrong? I was able to post and I saw them within about 24 hrs. Is there an issue with any of my recent posts?
All of your posts and signature was/is just fine. It is just taking longer to approve posts right now. Besides the limited ability to approve posts there are many more posts to approve, so the 'traffic' is high right now. We are working on it.
I'm a newcomer to this site but have practically memorized Michelles book: The Sex starved Marriage. It's tattered and tear stained and was my nightly companion through years of sleeping on the couch so as to not feel the energy of rejection night after night. Been married for 40 years and will go to my grave feeling like an undesirable woman. The most challenging part of this scenario is that my husband dismisses and ignares my pain. We had sex through the years but it was always more of an afterthought (when tv and food were not available). My husband is decent and good but deep down wants no real connection with himself. So therefore true intimacy requires one to be connected to oneself. THere's no room for discussion here. He's seen my tears and I've begged him just to read a chapter of Michelles book (every page is HIGHLIGHTED! So there's no chance he would miss the message if he truly sought it). It's actually reached a point where my measurement of a good day is how well I've dealt with the reality that I am so undesirable. i might add that my husband ALWAYS compliments me on how I look and dress for work and would be devastated if ever I were to have an affair (Would never could never hurt him in this way!!) But I will never know what he tells himself to feel IK about ignoring my pain. The most (the ABSOLUTE most!) response that I've ever gotten from him when in anguish I beg him to talk with me about this is merely a shrug of the shoulders and a wimpy "that's not true" Not another word, not a sentence not anything. So far prayer has sustained me and I know I will continue to suffer this dilemma for the rest of my married life but somehow someday would love to be able to chat with someone who would validate my pain. I guess that's selfish. Thanks for listening Wounded hear
