Wife left me -

[lostnhurt]

Been a long time since I posted. Wife and I had been in an 'in house' separation since May of last year. It was up and down all year. I tried to detached, didn't do very well. Worked on my 180's, GAL, and setting boundaries. I had hope since she didn't leave. For a long time suspect EA with guy at school she was attending but could not find any evidence, and I looked at all, cell phone, FB, GPS and recording in our truck. She must have kept all contact to strictly at school. She was always either home, or at school.

Beginning of December school was over, the disappearing started. She started hiding the cell phone, New Years Eve she disappeared for 8 hours for what was supposed to be quick drink with friend from school. When she got home, I told her I knew who she was with, and she confessed. Still claims only friend, but she spends alot of time with this 'friend'.

I told her time to move out and get her own place. I had to travel to Vegas, while I was away, she moved into an apt. Its been two weeks now. I know for fact that she with new friend every chance she gets when she does not have our girls. Weve been sharing 50/50 time with them. They are doing ok, but asking questions. I can tell its definitely having an affect on them.

We start mediation next week. Have to say Im pretty hurt, saw a lot of signs of EA, but damn she hid it well.

Not sure if anyone around from when I used to post. I saw a lot of changes take place here a few months ago, and stopped posting, plus I really didnt have anything new to report. Nothing had changed.

I should have told her to move out the day she said she wanted to separate in May.

Right now, depressed and very hurt. I can't believe this is what it has come to. Its like she wants to be a kid again and go out every nite, she has this tiny little apt which is not very nice, AND she still has no job. She's living off her half of our savings.

Im getting ready to go pick up our girls from school, I have them for the week end. Looking forward to one on one time with them, but hard to hide how I feel inside.

Just an update if anyone interested...

[Queen_of_Swords]

(((lostnhurt)))
I care you hurt.

[lostnhurt]

Thanks SC, just posting this made me feel some what better. I have my girls home with me, we're going to do some fun things together this weekend.

Just taking things one day at time for now.

I will have to do some catching up, hopefully I can help some one else. I made a lot of mistakes thru all this.

First one being, I should have 'set her free' much sooner.

[zengypsy]

LAH - sorry for what you are going through. Look, don't be so hard on yourself. You should be commended for the committment you have to your family.

You are going thru a very painful time, no doubt. Your W will realize one day that the grass isn't greener. The day that happens, you will know whether you will still want to be the greener grass.

We are here for you even if its not the familiar group of friends you had when you first joined. Our group is pretty cool.

Stay strong, enjoy your kids this w/e and keep posting.

Peace and Hugs - ZG

[shaves]

I feel for you sir. I am in similar boat, in house separation until she can find a place. The kids don't know yet.(D5, S4) I want the WAW to tell them but she thinks we should do it together. I guess We will just wait and see until that happens. My W too is acting like a reborn teenager, running around like she has no responsibilities. We must stay stong and positive for our kids. I feel dead inside, hoping you havent had to relive the hurt since she moved out. Stay positive-it not all our fault. I hope our W's snap out of it and realize what they are missing out on. If not, they may live long, empty lives, knowing what they left.

[lostnhurt]

ZG, shaves -

Thanks for your support. It really helps. I had a great week end with my girls, we all had a lot of fun together. W came to pick them up around noon Sunday, I pretty much just cried on and off the rest of the day. Managed to do a few chores around that house that need to get done.

Shaves, 'feeling dead inside' is just how I feel. When she first told me in May she wanted to separate, I was completely devastated. Over time, while she was still living here, I seemed to accept it, and thought I was doing 'ok'. When the holidays hit, it became a bit more difficult. It was usually such a fun time for us around the house, and this year it was just awkward. When I realize she was having an EA, that was progressing to a PA, I knew it was time for her to move out.

Since she moved out, I feel just as bad as I did when she first told me. I hate not seeing my little girls everyday I hate being all alone in this house. My wife and I spent ALL out time together for the last 11 years, worked together, play together etc, it was alway just us, then once our girls where born, its always been the four of us. She's since made several friends when she started school, so she spends time with them when she's not with the girls. Mostly with the OM she met there, who she claims to this day that they are only friends, which I know is not true. I really don't have any friends to hang out with, they've all moved away, or have their own lives.

And Shaves, I think it is better to tell your kids together, we did, in fact I did most of the talking. It was short. They are only 5 and 1/2, they seemed to understand that mommy and daddy each have their own place and would be sharing time with us. I expected tears or for them to be upset, but they were actually kind of excited to see mommy's new place. Its new to them and they seem to enjoy being there. My wife even told them it was her idea to move and get her own place. We both made it clear we loved them very much, and they could always talk to us about it, or ask us any questions, any time about it.

Its going on week 3 and what I am starting to really realize is I am missing out on 1/2 of their lives. Its the little things, the projects they bring home from school everyday, or achievements, school activities, but so is my W. I have a stack of things they've brought home from the days they have been with me, and found out about projects they are working on that they told me about.

I still can not understand why my W would want to miss out on so much that we all used to share. Sure her and I had a disconnect, we needed to reconnect, we made the mistake of totally ignoring our relationship, me with work, her taking care of the girls.

Now she is doing all the things we should have/could have been doing to reconnect with OM instead. I just don't get it. Most that know us since we started dating are completely surprised that this is happening, we where always the couple everyone thought have the perfect life together.

Frankly Im really surprised I still hurt so much right now when for the last 10 months I knew this was coming. Its really like I went back to the day she dropped the bomb, but worse, now I don't get to see my girls everyday. I miss them so much.

[Lostinlife]

OK lost,

I have the same issues since July 5th. I am not wired to be a part time Dad. I feel like I am missing out on everything.

My wife has become the most cruel, nasty person I have ever met. You can read my threads and see the progression I make, then I fall back to basically Day 1. I still cry after she picks them up, and I'm home alone again. It doesn't get easier.

You have to remain strong, hope that something will work out. I still hold out hope our kids will mean enough to her to want to defog and work on the family again.

The problem with the WAW, they can rationalize this, and already made their decision. I think it's much different than when a man walks away.

You just have to hope and wait for a defog.....I don't see it happening for me, but you still have a chance.

[lostnhurt]

LIL,

I remember reading your posts before, I was still reading the board back in Sept. Im really sorry to hear that you've been going thru this since July and it has not gotten any easier.

Im trying to remain strong, I do pretty well when my girls are here, they keep me busy, I enjoy being with them, and Im not alone. Sometimes they'll ask difficult questions, but Im just honest with them.

My W thinks if she's happier, our girls will be happier and everyone will be happier. I told her Im not happy and she has no reply for that.

And yes, I know she's rationalizing everything, even just some really crazy stuff, she's totally set in her decision, and wants D now that she's moved out. In fact I finally filed in Nov, where I live, there is no legal separation and she started spending, including buying new car. I had to protect myself, I still have the petition, have yet to give it to her in hopes she would change her mind.

Not so sure I see her coming out of the fog, she's getting a lot of bad advice from her new 'friends', most of whom are younger, and also going thru separation or D. Her OM was recently D so I am sure they are both just feeding of each other situation.

You are more optimistic then me about my marriage, cause I don't see much chance at this point. Im keep telling myself its just something I need to come to terms with and move on...and be there for my girls.

Also need to start working on GAL again, I had backed off around the holidays to try and spend as much time with my girls as I could. I just knew its was a matter of time I would not see them every day anymore.

[Lostinlife]

LNH,

Boy your story sounds familiar...her new friends..I refer to my wifes new friends as her "Divorce Posse". All have been divorced or are seperated...they tell her want she wants to hear.

I am at the point where what she does doesn't matter to me anymore. I still miss her, and love her, but her crap just wore on me.

Now my boys....I don't care what I do, how I try and take my mind off of them.....I can't....and I don't know if I ever will be able to.

That what stings...

Too bad there isn't any PM's, I'd like to give you an email and really compare stories.

[wanda15]

You can PM. Just click on the person's name and it says Send PM.