It's me that's cycling!

[Holly06]

My appologies for misposting. Something has changed around here.
(Can I blame it on that?)

My 3 D's were all swimmers. If I have but 1 day to live, please let it be at a swim meet.
They last forever.
Still have the scent of clorine available anytime I want it. Memories,,

However, I did want to post a reply to your 2 choices that you spoke of yesterday.
May I endorse the , less is more policy?
You may resume the friendly R with H as he is in LaLa land, and that may feel right at the time, and for the time being.
I think you will be better off, acting as if you are, or truly do distancing yourself from him. He will miss you, and then the R with OW will fizzle even more. He will act out, she will accuse him of seeing you.... it will be the reverse of the initial roles you all had.
Distancing brings him closer, and how many times have I heard that when they think they are losing you they have to think?
Last reason for leaving him alone AMAPossible.....
whenever they are alone they have time to think. After they think, they move. Sometimes you see the progress, sometimes you do not. Even today, with a new R with my X, I see this. X is still finishing his crisis, and he still needs to make progress.
Call him when you need to, delay returning calls, be ready with the " I have lots of things on my mind, (with a wicked little smile) when you do get a ? and act content and happy.
I really think he will notice. This time, OW will pay the price.

[Holly06]

BTW, being w other woman is like being alone.

[dolphin_05]

Well Holly, your misposting was a bonus for me in the end! Thanks for your insights. I have been at this for a long time and I am heartily sick of it all!! I have had periods of dark up until 6 months and it really makes no difference to H.

As you said though we have also spent a lot of time together at different stages and I'm sure H won't tell ow if he does stuff for me but I'm equally sure she will get upset when he has so many times he is with D at that involves me, like swimming. I think I need to re-read your post (the 2nd one) a few more times.

I was particularly interested in your comment that being with ow is like being alone. I still have this notion that it's a bed of roses. Why else do you agree to live together if it's not?

[goodattitudegirl]

Cas,

I still have this notion that it's a bed of roses. Why else do you agree to live together if it's not?

When I was in my 20s I once agreed to let a BF move in with me for financial reasons. I had big misgivings but didn't really have any other financial options. I told him upfront that the only reason he was moving in was because I would lose my house otherwise, but I know that after he moved in I sent him a lot of mixed messages. I was confused at the time and trying to find my way. In the end he had big expectations, wanted to M me, and was really hurt.

I wouldn't read too much into OW moving in with H, especially since he has let it be known that it is because she needs a place and he can use the financial help.

I'm reading the last several chapters of Jed Diamond's "Mr. Mean........" book this weekend. You should really get hold of it (library?) and read the last several chapters. Good for all of us who have been at this awhile.

Holly, I too got a lot from your posts here and elsewhere today. Thanks!

GAG

[goodattitudegirl]

Sanderika,

I've been thinking about you this evening. I hope that you are OK. When you have a chance, please check in with us, OK?

GAG

[dolphin_05]

On my way home from work I was thinking about Sanderika, too. We want you to touch base Sanderika so that we know you are ok and to hear about your story (and of course, we all need your insights!)

[dolphin_05]

Thanks GAG. It was good to read that perspective. H did tell me why and it all sounded quite 'functional' but the time frame allowed for it to be an ongoing arrangement if it worked out. However, she has moved her son from his school so I don't see from her perspective that she'll be going anywhere in a hurry.

I will look for the Jed Diamond book. I've read some of his stuff before and found it worthwhile.

Happy Valentine's to all!

[seeking answers]

Cas,

Question: What do you think prevented your H from having GF move in with him a long time ago? When MLCer's leave they turn their backs on everything, including their families. Your MLCer moved out and seemed to prefer living by himself while navigating the tunnel.

Now, ow has a 'crisis' and needs a place to live. Poor thing...and with her comes a son. Just how do you think that's going to work out?

I believe this 'bed of roses' will have some nasty thorns showing in the not too distant future...

[dolphin_05]

Question: What do you think prevented your H from having GF move in with him a long time ago?

Great question SA! He liked living on his own and I suspect he knew he was going from the frying pan into the fire. I suspect money is a driving force now and I suspect there is some loneliness.

When MLCer's leave they turn their backs on everything, including their families. Your MLCer moved out and seemed to prefer living by himself while navigating the tunnel.

Correct and he isolated himself from everyone.

Now, ow has a 'crisis' and needs a place to live. Poor thing...

LOL

and with her comes a son. Just how do you think that's going to work out?

Another good question. H has enough issues with his own children. He is not the most patient these days. I can't imagine him playing stepdad and he's made it clear that there's no financial assistance.

I believe this 'bed of roses' will have some nasty thorns showing in the not too distant future...

Time will tell!

I have to say, over the past few days I've reverted back to the thought, "Who cares!" I haven't felt any need to contact and he's made no contact either.

[Lost Rabbit]

Hi Cas, finally caught up with you.. I suppose if I was in your shoes I'd be wanting to move on too.. Ok if OW moves in and H sees the light he might want to come round, surely you moving forward and looking your best for you will only look more attractive and it will be a bonus either way.. If Im honest hun surely its time to have a life for you, your H is still dithering and not making his mind up and moving her in even if for six months is putting the whole thing off yet again. I dont want to upset you but not so long ago you were done with him what changed to make you wait again?