Sitting at home with myself.

[2stepboogie]

Well done. I know the promotion takes on a bitter sweet taste with the W gone.

[Busting Mode]

Congrats!

[Navyguy]

So, last month when I went into the kids preschool to pay, the director asked me when the kids were going to be back and I said I don't know...I'm pretty sure she had figured out for herself that we were having M problems. So, she told me that she didn't want me to pay and that they would try to hold the kids' spots in school. Yesterday, D5's teacher sent W and I an e-mail saying we could come and pick up D5's stuff from the school.

W then sent me this:

"Hey, I was surprised by the email by the kids school. Have they been withdrawn? I feel sick, because I was feeling like I may be willing to come back to DC... Not for us, but for the kids. I do want them to be around both of us as much as possible...
I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight because I'm scared the kids won't have their school to go back to.
We don't need to find separate places. Things really need to change though. What are your thoughts?"

Whoa.

[2stepboogie]

WOW!!! What are your thoughts???

[Navyguy]

Honestly I'm not sure. I am confused, because in one place she says she may be willing to come back "for the kids", but then goes on to say "things really need to change", as if she wants to work on things.

Here's what I sent back:

"Hey, sorry I missed your call last night. I’m sick and I took some Nyquil before bed last night, so the phone didn't wake me up. I hope you ended up getting some sleep.

I was surprised by the e-mail too. I sent an e-mail to the directors of the school to let them know I’d be dropping off a check before my last trip out there and they replied and asked again when the kids were going to be back. I told her that I still didn’t know and that you were still in Colorado helping S with her new baby. I think she figured out for herself what was really going on and she told me that she didn’t want me to pay anymore until they came back, and that she would hold their spots for them. I don’t know if she didn’t communicate that to D5's teacher clearly, but I can call and find out.

If you’re thinking about coming back sometime soon I will call to let them know and go and drop off another check today.

I agree, things definitely need to change. That is why I have been working so hard on learning who I really am and figuring out the things I have done which pushed us apart. I know if you come back and I keep doing the same things you will continue to be miserable and there is no chance for things to change. I know that rebuilding would take time and lots of patience. I would want it to be on your terms and at your pace, and I am completely willing to do anything I can to make it happen."

[2stepboogie]

Perhaps just a little too much navy, I could of seen it without the last paragraph.

She is thinking about coming back. I think that is great news but caution is the word of the day.

The email is sent, I don't think it will actually do any damage to the fragile state of your R/M.

I just want to caution you on being to eager to work on things and excercise a little patience.

How you got here is a combination of things, you helped but so did she. You have your period of growth and reflexion she needs to do the same. If that does not happen you will both be back re-visiting this scenario.

I don't want to be the one raining on your happy day, I just hate to see when anyone climbs to cloud 9 based on one word or one phrase and then crashes down because the WAS backed out of got scared.

[Denver_2010]

I agree with 2Step Navy. Tread carefully here. This is a really positive step though. Also, I want to caution you on moving too quickly towards reconciliation. You have to make sure that the underlying issues are being addressed. You will just find your way back here if you don't.

BITS
Denver