I will proudly be here to stand beside you and remind you of the rules.
It will be hard to shake me off in fact
Thanks for your concern for me. I am not ok. I just posted to Beatrice on your old thread this:
I feel pathetic. I feel like an old teddy bear that has long since seen it's last day as a valued huggable.
I am very happy for you and am praying daily for you and your family.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Wow things are changing, but he is gonna be like a rabbit in headlights the slightest to quick movement is gonna send him running.. He needs to build the percieved very fragile trust he has in you, obviously its not as fragile as he sees it, but looking at it from my pov you have to remind yourself that the once solid trust you once had no longer exist and can no longer exist in its old format.. Take me for instance now I could not ever give up my job like I had previously to bomb day.. I can no longer trust him to pay my bills, or completely have my best interests at heart, perhaps one day that will return but H has to rebuild my trust. The same goes for your H he percieves himself to be the wounded party.. One thing that is good is he beginning to own his end of the stick, so perhaps when he shows signs of wanting to repair his end of the stick, like apolagising to your parents, you could ask what things you can do to facilitate this or do you just need to keep out of this, give him the choice! Starting to own ones stick is a big leap forward, some thing if Im wrong forgive me Sanderika is missing from her scenario.. Until they are totally willing to accept some responsibility it cannot move forward, whilst they are still in blame culture there is no room for manouvres. Just keep remind yourself when he means slow he really means reverse almost, allow him to lead you at the speed he wants to go, dont push, although you can coax, the next stage is leading them to discuss what you need to hear..
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Sanderika, FWIW, my favorite teddy bear will always be the soft, worn one that I plucked the furry pile from. I still have wonderfully fond memories of THAT teddy bear after all these years.
Originally Posted By: Lost Rabbit
Just keep remind yourself when he means slow he really means reverse almost, allow him to lead you at the speed he wants to go, dont push, although you can coax, the next stage is leading them to discuss what you need to hear..
Rabbit, I never dreamed I would be taking R advice from a horse trainer, but everything you wrote to Cas resonates deeply with me. The horse training analogy actually makes it easier for me to comprehend somehow. LOVE your feedback. Thanks!
Sending positive vibes your way Cas, as always. Baby steps.......
Sanderika, Rabbit and GAG. Thank you so much! I feel so grateful that I can come here and get honest and caring advice from my friends.
Sanderika, my prayers are for you atm. We want you to recognise that the worn teddy is the most loved and cherished member of the toybox. It is hugged and cared for like no other toy. The warm memory from teddy last forever. Keep in mind that like the teddy you are loved and treasured by so many.
Rabbit, I am hearing you! It's a day by day proposition. I am trying to be patient! It is good that H is accepting his responsibilities. It's been a long time coming!!
So, once again shows how my mind can so easily move to the negative. When H said he was busy today I automatically wondered about ow. This morning he told me he was planning on going flying. He said he is feeling really tired atm. I wonder if that's because of all the thinking he's been doing lately.
This is all awesome reading! It seems we have a few positive threads to read on the board lately! So happy for you! You are getting some feedback from some pretty smart ladies! I will send some positive vibes your way too!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Seeking, that is such a beautiful reminder. Thank you!
I truly value those prayers (and the hugs!!). I'm sure prayers and especially those of one of my GFs has enabled the small positives we see today. However, we all know that a slight bump in the road will send H scurrying.
H is off doing his own thing this weekend; home last night, flying today and home tonight but he text me lots last night while I was at swimming and we've been messaging on skype this morning. I know I have to show him that I can be patient. This is what he has asked of me. I am not usually patient. I am a helper and a fixer so this is a BIG challenge.
H is off doing his own thing this weekend; home last night, flying today and home tonight but he text me lots last night while I was at swimming and we've been messaging on skype this morning.
^^^^^^^Pretty cool stuff!
Originally Posted By: dolphin_05
So, once again shows how my mind can so easily move to the negative. When H said he was busy today I automatically wondered about ow.
Don't you think that given what you've been through you would probably be wondering this same thing if a different new beau told you that he was busy over the weekend???? I've read others say that they have the same trust issues with new R's.
Originally Posted By: Lost Rabbit
dont know about you ladies but the one thing I have learnt out of this upheaval is that you can always afford to step back admire the view and let things settle for a bit.. having always been the one to dive in and try and fix things and apply the lotion and bandage it has been a revelation to me, in fact quite ironically the "poke my awe in" girl has gone so much my new Team Leader suggested that I should have the confidence to chip in more often, perhaps some thing he will regret in hindsight lol!
I know that some of you are on the verge of some new things and as always we want to rush in and fix things but please dont take the quiet time and allow things to come to the brew slowly, it will have a better quality taste of victory for leaving it just a tad longer.
Rabbit wrote this ^^^^^^^^^^ on my thread (BTW, Rabbit you are MORE than welcome to post on my thread since your thread is "lost in the sands of time") and it's a wonderful reminder for you (and me) right now.
